The Cleveland Browns are smarter to do nothing in free agency than to fail spectacularly again

I think the Browns are just playing the game where they fucked up so bad in the past and everything that they've done that not doing anything is actually a smarter move than trying to do something and failing because you can't stay still. You're going to piss off your fans for about six months if you don't do anything in free agency. But a fan's not going to remember that like a year from now.

The NFL Draft is essentially just kidnapping players for the benefit of the Cleveland Browns

The only reason [the Browns] can get players to play on their team is by essentially tricking them to join the team via the draft. That's pretty much – the draft is kidnapping players, if we're going to be honest with themselves.

Brock Osweiler is the perfect fit to continue the Texans' lineage of awful quarterbacks

Brock Osweiler to the Texans, there has never been a better fit in the entire world. And I'm not talking about fit like, oh, the Texans need a quarterback... I'm talking about Brock Osweiler is the perfect guy to continue the Houston Texans mantle of awful quarterbacks. David Carr, Sage Rosenfels, T.J. Yates, Matt Schaub, Brandon Weeden, Ryan Mallett, Ryan Fitzpatrick, Brian Hoyer.

Late-night TV news commercials for products like CarShield are frauds

When I see them up there, those products are fraud... I mean, they wouldn't be advertising there if they weren't a fraud. I have an occasional check with the FTC site and the Better Business Bureau to see various of these companies have all sorts of consumer complaints against them. And what a shock!

If a commercial starts by saying 'this is not a scam,' it's probably a scam

When they started with the reverse mortgages... the ad started with a sentence: 'This is not a scam.' I mean, that was the furthest thing from my mind until he put it in my head that this might be a scam. Why are they saying it's legit? It never occurred to me that it's not, but now I'm going to start to investigate it.

The New York Times was desperate for Alex Cooper to say something negative about Barstool Sports

It was obvious to me... that the New York Times was salivating to get [Alex Cooper] to say something that would be damaging to Barstool. And she didn't. They couldn't resist getting [the sidebar about Dave Portnoy] in there.