Getting COVID is karma for not following through on my promise to inject myself if March Madness was canceled

If you remember, around this time last year... I said that if they don't play March Madness, I will inject myself with coronavirus. Well, they didn't play March Madness, and I didn't inject myself... So I think that getting it is finally karma, and on top of that, it means that we officially will have a March Madness tournament this year.

Tom Brady's 'We Will Win' texts are the most confidence-inducing messages in the world

The story that came out that Tom Brady texted his entire team every night the week leading up to the Super Bowl just saying, we will win. And I have to imagine that's got to be – like in terms of text messages you can get, that has to be the single most confidence-inducing text message you can get from anyone at any point in your life.

The only way to sustain Super Bowl runs in the NFL is to funnel money through a quarterback's side business

The only way you can do that [sustain Super Bowl runs] is if your star quarterback has an alleged money laundering operation that's taking place as his company behind the scenes that you can funnel money to instead of spending cap hits on that.

If I win the Open Championship this weekend, I will officially take the Blake of the Year title from Blake Griffin

I'm not dead. I've never wanted to win a golf tournament so bad. [The deal is] if I win the Open Championship this weekend, I officially get [Blake Griffin's] Blake of the Year title this year. Verbatim. That's what it'll be.

Playing golf in shorts is at least a two-stroke advantage per round

It's so much nicer [to wear shorts]... I'd say at least two [strokes]. Really. Yeah.

The best way to play golf is to simply not think about anything

Three of your 10 lessons, were just don't think... that's honestly Fellas. That's the best way to be. It's like, I just kept on scrolling and I was like, wait, we're not, oh, just a reminder. But don't you think that if you're telling everyone to not think about anything now they're thinking about not thinking about anything, which is perfect. That's right where I want 'em.