I'm going to corner the market on Lou Dort Top Shots and get rich when he wins MVP

My entire investment strategy is to corner the market on Lou Dort. Okay. So I'm putting everyone in the Dortcher chamber. We're going to buy all the Lou Dort, and then when Lou Dort wins MVP, everyone's going to be like, where are all the Lou Dort top shots?

If Jeff Bezos bids $7 billion for the Washington Football Team, the other NFL owners will force Dan Snyder out

If Jeff Bezos, who is the richest man in the world, wants to pay like six, seven billion dollars for an NFL franchise, if Dan Snyder doesn't want to sell still at that point, you're going to see all the owners... try their very best to push Dan Snyder out because that will make all of their franchises increase by like another billion dollars.

I can beat up any 10-year-old in the entire world

I think that I could beat up any 10-year-old in the country. Probably the world. I don't think that there's a 10-year-old in the world whose ass I couldn't kill... Pre-puberty, I could defeat any 10-year-old in the world.

I'm the freshest person in the Masters field

I am the freshest person here. I have not played a weekend in over like a month and a half and I, I have been getting more rest, more time on my couch. Like all these guys are gonna be exhausted by the time the tournament comes and I'm just cruising on it.

I know now that my great golf is good enough to win a major

I know for a fact my great golf's good enough. It just needs to come out the right week. So let's just hope it's this week. It's a big difference. It's, it's a little bit more calming knowing that like, it doesn't need to be perfect. It just needs to be good. I've done that enough times to know. I think it would be the pressure on Sunday, that would be the most unique thing. But as far as the golf goes, like I think fortunately I've lived enough of this golf, these golf like experiences to know like I can physically do what needs to be done.

It would be crazy if I didn't get a Ryder Cup pick

I've been in the getting a pick category this whole time. I felt like last week, last week solidified it. Where now I think it would be crazy if I didn't.