Ryan Fitzpatrick is the most fun quarterback Washington could have hoped for

I am under no illusion that Ryan Fitzpatrick is going to come in and immediately turn the football team into a Super Bowl contenders because we already are Super Bowl contenders, but he is the most fun quarterback that I could have hoped for, besides [Jameis] Winston. He makes every week fun. No matter what happens, he's going to have some games where he throws for five touchdowns, he's gonna have some games where he throws for five interceptions.

Every NFL contract is effectively a two-year deal

The way to look at every single contract in the NFL is it's a two-year deal. No matter how many dollars they throw out there, how many years they throw out there, everyone just signed a two-year deal and then they can cut. If you look at every contract like that, it all kind of makes sense.

The Bears are destined to never have a franchise quarterback

The Bears are just destined to never have a quarterback. Every time the Bears have the chance to possibly do a franchise-altering move, they find a way not to do it. It doesn't matter if the Bears have a top draft pick because we had a top draft pick and we drafted Mitch Trubisky. This sucks the soul out of my tone of be.

Pigeons are the smartest birds because they live off human trash

Pigeons might be the smartest bird. There is one... they've essentially just over the years been like, Hey, you know where we should live? Right where the people leave their trash. We don't have to hunt for anything. We don't have to go fucking diving for worms and fish... Some guy's going to eat a calzone and not finish it and we're gonna finish it. So pigeons might be the smartest bird.

Barry Bonds could still play in the MLB and take a million walks because of fear

I think of that with Barry Bonds for sure. Barry Bonds I like He could just, he, he could show up and just be awesome and, and take like a million walks. 'cause people would fear him.

American air conditioning is the equivalent of 'Hunter Biden crack' for European visitors

I would imagine air conditioning for Europeans hits like crack. Like the best crack of all. Oh, hunter Biden crack. Yeah. That's like when we go over to, to Spain and we see a nude beach. Like that's, that, that feeling that we get over there is their feeling when they're walking into one of our buildings over here.