I want to be replaced by a parrot if I die in Cleveland

If I do die in Cleveland... I want a parrot... play old episodes of Pardon My Take for the parrot... put it in front of a microphone and you talk to it and it'll just basically do the same shitty takes that we've done for the past three months. Nobody will even know that it's not me anymore.

Phil Mickelson is the first person with a recessive clutch gene

Phil [Mickelson] has a clutch gene because he's won a championship, but I think he might be the first person with a recessive clutch gene. You know how a redhead... you'll blow the redhead that pops up in your family. He's got the recessive clutch gene because he so often finishes second.

Phil Mickelson choked away another major championship

Anytime you got Phil [Mickelson] finishing in second, the storyline is Phil Mickelson choked away another one. Let's focus where it needs to be because it's always fun to make fun of Phil for being always the bridesmaid, never the bride guy.

Cristiano Ronaldo is an absolute bum

But yeah, Ronaldo's, I mean, he's an absolute bum. I think we can all agree, right? Zach?

Jaylen Brown is the best or second best player on every team in the NBA.

It is insane that anyone would say that [Jaylen Brown] is the seventh best player on an NBA team. He's gonna be the best or second best player depending on what team you pick. I don't think you can pick a team that you'd be the, I actually don't think you could pick a team that you'd be the third best.

Baker Mayfield will have a bounce-back year

Baker's gonna have a bounce back year. He's not injured anymore. You get healthy. Play fast. Play good.