Modern alarm clocks have become too chill; we need irritating sounds like fire alarms to actually wake up

We gotta get back to making alarm clocks great again. Yeah. Because though, I, I need to have like the fire alarm sound. I need Max's hiccup. Hiccup. Yeah. To wake me up. I'm sorry about that. Yeah, that's okay. But like, I need, I need a grading irritating sound to wake me up. Alarm clocks have gotten way too chill with a nice, like gradual. The light ones. Yeah. That kinda like light up your room a little bit with sunlight. The ambient noise. Fuck that. Don't, that's, that's too new agey shit for me.

The NFL jersey rankings that put the Chargers at #1 and Commanders at #32 are mostly accurate

Would you like me to tell you some of the results I actually agree with pretty much the top 10... Number one is chargers. Okay. Number one is Charger. I like it... [Commanders] dead last is correct. Okay. Yep. And honestly don't necessarily disagree.

Jesus is the chillest bro of all time because he took a three-day nap

He's just the chillest guy of all time. Turn the other cheek. Try to, you know, bring world peace to the world. Dude, bro. Took a three day nap. How chill is that?

The Brewers have the World Series sealed

I think the Brewers have this thing sealed up after an insane Monday night where they were just awesome.

There will be no MLB lockout

They'll figure it out. There's too much at stake. They'll figure it out. It's not 1994 anymore. They'll figure it out.

A 24-team College Football Playoff is starting to make sense

I'm starting to grow on it. My problem is, I'm thinking about it in just this year where we actually had parity.