Every Super Bowl and All-Star game should be held in New Orleans

Anytime you have a big sporting event in New Orleans, you're contractually obligated to say, why don't they just have every Super Bowl and All-Star game in New Orleans?

Guy Fieri is the closest thing America has to producing its own Jesus

I don't think I'm going overboard when I say it, but Guy Fieri is probably as close as Americans will get to producing our own Jesus.

Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook are officially 'friends with benefits' after their All-Star Game alley-oop

An alley-oop is kind of like makeup sex. You connect in that one little instant, and you're like, yeah, I remember this whole relationship could be a lot of fun. I'll just say that they're friends with benefits now.

Pigeons are the smartest birds because they live off human trash

Pigeons might be the smartest bird. There is one... they've essentially just over the years been like, Hey, you know where we should live? Right where the people leave their trash. We don't have to hunt for anything. We don't have to go fucking diving for worms and fish... Some guy's going to eat a calzone and not finish it and we're gonna finish it. So pigeons might be the smartest bird.

Barry Bonds could still play in the MLB and take a million walks because of fear

I think of that with Barry Bonds for sure. Barry Bonds I like He could just, he, he could show up and just be awesome and, and take like a million walks. 'cause people would fear him.

American air conditioning is the equivalent of 'Hunter Biden crack' for European visitors

I would imagine air conditioning for Europeans hits like crack. Like the best crack of all. Oh, hunter Biden crack. Yeah. That's like when we go over to, to Spain and we see a nude beach. Like that's, that, that feeling that we get over there is their feeling when they're walking into one of our buildings over here.