A man should only cry after losing his virginity or winning an Olympic medal

I always love it when our Olympians have a good cry... I would say that and maybe after you lose your virginity is the only acceptable time where a man can cry.

LeBron James would be the best of all time in any Olympic sport he chose

Could LeBron James dominate this sport? And the answer is always yes. If LeBron decided not to play basketball and instead was a swimmer or a high diver or a handball player or a soccer player, he'd probably be the best of all time.

Any adult male with no wife or kids who is a 'gymnastics enthusiast' is a 'pre-crime' suspect

I feel like there's just always like a few creepy dudes hanging around the gymnast. If you're a gymnastics enthusiast and that's where the line stops, like you have no personal connection to the sport, you just really like it. Maybe just watch on TV. No wife, no kids. But you do love your women's gymnastics. That's what we call a little pre-crime.

Pigeons are the smartest birds because they live off human trash

Pigeons might be the smartest bird. There is one... they've essentially just over the years been like, Hey, you know where we should live? Right where the people leave their trash. We don't have to hunt for anything. We don't have to go fucking diving for worms and fish... Some guy's going to eat a calzone and not finish it and we're gonna finish it. So pigeons might be the smartest bird.

Barry Bonds could still play in the MLB and take a million walks because of fear

I think of that with Barry Bonds for sure. Barry Bonds I like He could just, he, he could show up and just be awesome and, and take like a million walks. 'cause people would fear him.

American air conditioning is the equivalent of 'Hunter Biden crack' for European visitors

I would imagine air conditioning for Europeans hits like crack. Like the best crack of all. Oh, hunter Biden crack. Yeah. That's like when we go over to, to Spain and we see a nude beach. Like that's, that, that feeling that we get over there is their feeling when they're walking into one of our buildings over here.