I want to be replaced by a parrot if I die in Cleveland

If I do die in Cleveland... I want a parrot... play old episodes of Pardon My Take for the parrot... put it in front of a microphone and you talk to it and it'll just basically do the same shitty takes that we've done for the past three months. Nobody will even know that it's not me anymore.

Phil Mickelson is the first person with a recessive clutch gene

Phil [Mickelson] has a clutch gene because he's won a championship, but I think he might be the first person with a recessive clutch gene. You know how a redhead... you'll blow the redhead that pops up in your family. He's got the recessive clutch gene because he so often finishes second.

Phil Mickelson choked away another major championship

Anytime you got Phil [Mickelson] finishing in second, the storyline is Phil Mickelson choked away another one. Let's focus where it needs to be because it's always fun to make fun of Phil for being always the bridesmaid, never the bride guy.

Spain is entering a period of absolute soccer dominance and will win the next Euro.

They won the Euro two years ago. They won the World Cup. They're probably gonna win the Euro in two years. They're just different generation dominating soccer.

Goals scored in the World Cup third-place game should not count toward the Golden Boot.

I also had one bone to pick. The third place game, which is hilarious that they still do this... The fact that those goals count for the Golden Boot is such bullshit. That's stupid. That should not count. Like that's not a real game.

LeBron James will announce his free agency decision tonight.

I'm fully expecting him to announce at 9:00 PM tonight. Yep. Like shit like that where it's like, I went to a movie on Thursday night. I was like, oh, LeBron's gonna fucking announce during the movie. He's, he's now fucking us... I think that's what's gonna happen. I think he's gonna decide tonight.