The Dodgers have already won the World Series after the trade deadline

The winners and losers of the trade deadline, the Dodgers have won it all. Just give them the trophy right now. You get Yu Darvish. Yeah.

Colin Kaepernick isn't being signed because his vegan diet makes him physically weak

I think that the reason [Kaepernick] is not being signed is because he's not taking care of his body. He's made up of plant proteins. Not animal proteins, and he's just not as... resilient. I've never seen a plant win a fight.

Butts are on the Hot Seat because boobs are back in style

My hot seat is butts. Big hot seat because New York Post... they just wrote a trend piece about how boobs are back. So going to put butts square on the hot seat. Guess what? You thought it was cool to have a big butt? Everyone that went out there and got butt implants, you might want to see if those go two ways and you can just move them up to your chest.

The Brewers' pressure created their 'lucky' breaks

That's not luck. That's just the Brewers and what they did to you mentally, where it's like you have to be perfect and almost made teams just become a worse version of themselves because of what the Brewers were doing to them.

The Bears are building around Jeffrey Simmons correctly

Jeffrey Simmons is an absolute game wrecker. Top three at his position, changes everyone around him. The Bears had a weakness in their defense, especially run defense. They made it a strength.

Jeffrey Simmons makes the Bears Super Bowl contenders

I thought they could win the Super Bowl before Jeffrey Simmons. Now I really do.