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Loss
HankHank

I could catch a fish with my bare hands in an Alaskan river in one day

I said, hey, coach [Jeff Fisher], do you think that I could catch a fish with my bare hands in an Alaskan river? And he said, absolutely... One day. One Alaskan day. Catch it out of the water, kill it, eat it.

Hank famously attempted this on a later trip and failed miserably, nearly getting hypothermia and catching zero fish.

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Void
Jul 22, 2019
#4741
Big CatBig Cat

J.B. Holmes ruined the Open Championship with his slow play

Fuck J.B. Holmes. Fuck him. Brooks Koepka would have won. He ruined the Open Championship. Ruined it.

While Koepka's frustration was real, it is subjective whether he would have definitely won if J.B. Holmes played faster.
Win
Jul 22, 2019
#4742
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

J.B. Holmes is the slowest golfer ever

Slowest player ever. Very slow. And he shot an 87. So if you're going to be that slow and shoot an 87, that's an issue.

J.B. Holmes is statistically one of the slowest players on the PGA Tour, and shooting 87 is a historically bad round for a major final group.
Loss
Jul 22, 2019
#20731
Big CatBig Cat

Tiger Woods intentionally missed the cut at the Open so people would forget how poorly he played

Credit to Tiger being smart enough to just not make the cut so everyone forgets he didn't make the cut and we don't talk about him on Sunday. Like, hey, Tiger really sucked.

Tiger did miss the cut, but the idea it was intentional for PR reasons is satirical.

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Void
HankHank

Tom Brady helping Mike Macdonald prepare for the Patriots would be a huge slap in the face to the New England region.

That would be egregious if that was true. I don't believe it is true. But if it were, that would be unforgivable. Not unforgivable. That would be a, a blemish, a big blemish. Big time. It'd be a slap in the face of the whole region.

Subjective opinion on how a hypothetical rumor would be perceived.
Void
HankHank

Jayson Tatum is playing cute by claiming he found out about the Jaylen Brown trade on social media.

I'm sure he knew that he was on the trading block and he didn't know specifically when he got traded and he found out just like everyone else... all Brad Stevens, Jaylen Brown, they talked about how, you know, he was gonna be on the trading block and they were gonna try and move him. So I'm sure Jayson Tatum was also aware of that. But in terms of, he's probably playing a little, a little cutesy there where like no one specifically told him, 'Hey, this is the trade.' He found out like everyone else. But I'm sure he was not surprised and fully aware what the plan was.

Subjective interpretation of Tatum's PR framing.
Open
HankHank

The Celtics have another major move coming following the Jaylen Brown trade

There's something going on here. I I said it to Max on the boat yesterday. I was like, Jalen Brown was getting traded. I could, I could just feel it. I could feel it coming... I feel like the Paul George thing is, there's the, like, they might be doing another trade. There's another move coming.

The trade just happened in the fictional 2026 timeline provided; further moves are pending.