Manny Machado is effectively early retiring by signing with the San Diego Padres

Manny Machado decided, guess what, 10 years, $300 million, San Diego, where I can kind of just go chill. Like, this is basically a – I'm just going to – he almost is early retiring.

Bryce Harper will sign a contract for more than $300 million

Manny Machado decided, guess what, 10 years, $300 million, San Diego... But it's only going to be [the biggest contract in sports history] for like two more days because Bryce Harper, if you don't think Scott Boras is getting Bryce Harper $301 million [you're crazy].

Antonio Brown will sign a four-year, $79 million guaranteed contract with the Redskins

It's going to be the Redskins. So here's what's going to happen. He's going to join the Redskins. They're going to pay, I'll say, four years, $79 million guaranteed. And he'll play for two, well, one and a half. And then he'll just sit out the rest of the year.

The Commanders will roll over the Cowboys

I think the Commanders are gonna roll this game. The Eagles are good and the Commanders almost beat them. The Commanders are gonna beat the Cowboys.

The Bills are the AFC team to beat

Josh Allen's in his prime, they looked unbelievable. They're gonna be probably the team to beat in the AFC.

Steve Ballmer is eating shit

Who's back of the week is eating shit. Steve Ballmer.