If you FaceTime anyone over 30 who is not a professional athlete, you're an asshole

Those are FaceTime [people]. That's true because every I have never not looked horrendous in a FaceTime... if you FaceTime anyone over 30 who is not a professional athlete, you're actually an asshole.

Jameis Winston will record a touchdown, an interception, and a fumble on Saturday

The special famous Jameis hat-trick: Jameis [Winston] to record over a half a touchdown, half an interception and a half a fumble. I love that one.

Take all the unders in late-season NFL divisional games

I feel like late in the season divisional just take all the unders. I know that sounds crazy. I know overs are more fun. But these two teams know each other.

I will never learn my lesson and will continue to believe in the Houston Cougars for the next four years

If you think this is going to deter me from believing in the Houston Cougars for the next four years, you are sadly mistaken. I will never learn my lesson when it comes to this team.

I'm glad I missed Peyton Manning's birthday because he has enough people sucking his dick

I'm glad I missed Peyton Manning's birthday by the way. Fuck, fuck that guy. He's got enough people to suck his dick and wish him a happy birthday. Awful announcing quote that. I hope I do it again next year.

Nate Oats would not be a great fit at UNC

I don't think he'd be a great fit there. Would people be talking about Nate Oats as much for this job if he didn't wear those jackets? They feel like Carolina jackets. It feels like he's been accepting people into anticipating him being the next UNC coach for a while.