Skip to content
PMTPMT DB
Loss
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Claiming you got a 'new phone' is a bulletproof excuse for missing an NFL drug test

The more I think about it, the more it's a bulletproof excuse for Le'Veon Bell. ... Isn't it like getting served? If you never get the call, then you don't have to pee. Unless you see the cup in front of your penis, you don't have to pee into it.

The excuse did not prevent Le'Veon Bell from being suspended for three games for missing the tests.

More from this episode

View episode
Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Tony Montana is a top-tier bad guy, even though I've never seen 'Scarface'

My bad guys are, number one, Tony Montana. Now, I've never actually seen Scarface, but I'm told he's like the bad guy. I've seen the clip where he says, 'you need to point as a bad guy, and I'm the bad guy.'

This is a subjective evaluation of a fictional character's quality as a 'bad guy.'
Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

God from the Old Testament is a top-tier bad guy

So I'll segue right from there into my number three which is God, God from the Old Testament. Kind of a bad guy. Threw a lot of stuff at people. People forget that. That God was kind of a hard ass.

This is a purely subjective interpretation of literature/theology used for a joke.
Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Tom Brady is a bad guy

Number four on my Mount Rushmore of bad guys. Tom Brady. [Belichick] never got suspended. True. He only got fined.

The concept of a 'bad guy' in sports is subjective.

More from PFT Commenter

View profile
Open
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
Open
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.