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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Folarin Balogun is the best pure striker the USMNT has ever had

He's the like, probably the best pure striker that we've ever had. I know it's crazy to say that after just like four games. But in terms of just like being a pure striker and a finisher, he's the best that we've had.

Subjective comparison of players across eras.

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Loss
Jul 2, 2026
#30867
HankHank

The Celtics have another major move coming following the Jaylen Brown trade

There's something going on here. I I said it to Max on the boat yesterday. I was like, Jalen Brown was getting traded. I could, I could just feel it. I could feel it coming... I feel like the Paul George thing is, there's the, like, they might be doing another trade. There's another move coming.

Hank predicted another major move or trade after the Jaylen Brown trade, specifically mentioning 'the Paul George thing.' However, the Paul George acquisition was the Jaylen Brown trade itself, which occurred on July 1, 2026. No further major trades were made by the Celtics after this date and before October 20, 2026.
Void
Jul 2, 2026
#30868
HankHank

You cannot trade a star like Jaylen Brown to an in-division rival

Regardless of what this ends up doing for the Celtics with the picks, if they make another trade, you cannot trade Jalen Brown to your in division rival. Like that cannot happen.

This is a subjective philosophy on team building and rivalry management.
Void
Jul 2, 2026
#30869
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Celtics are statistically a better team without Jaylen Brown

Jalen Brown has the second worst plus minus of any five time All Star over the past 10 years... Also the Celtics win more games without Jalen Brown than when he is playing... Last year with, with Jalen Brown, they won 66% of their games without, they won 80%... Their entire career with Jalen Brown. They are 263 and 1 31. That's 67% without Brown. There're 60 and 26, 70%.

The stats provided are fictional/hypothetical within the 2026 setting, but presented as fact to support a 'Ewing Theory' style take.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.