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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Harambe the gorilla committed suicide by zookeeper to escape living in Cincinnati

Did Harambe like plan this whole thing out? When the kid fell in, do you think Harambe was like, this is my chance to finally get out of this fucking place... Like suicide by zookeeper is pretty much what I'm getting at here.

Clearly impossible to verify and intended as a joke.

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Push
Jun 3, 2016
#17691
Big CatBig Cat

LeBron James will have to move cities or fire his team if the Cavs lose the Finals

It looks like LeBron [James] is going to either have to move cities again or fire his whole team.

The Cavs won the 2016 Finals, so he didn't have to leave immediately, though he eventually left for the Lakers in 2018.
Loss
Jun 3, 2016
#17692
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

LeBron James would be a better player if he had gone to college

I think maybe if LeBron James had gone to college, he would be a better player. What do you learn in college? You learn how to make new friends and how to trust other people. LeBron has some trouble with that.

LeBron is widely considered one of the two greatest players ever without college; it is highly unlikely 1-4 years of college would have made him 'better'.
Loss
Jun 3, 2016
#17694
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

LeBron James peaked in high school

I'll be the first to say it. LeBron James peaked in high school. There it is. Boom.

LeBron James went on to win 4 NBA championships and 4 MVPs after high school.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Getting excited for the NFL schedule release is for pussies

I can't get it up for the schedule release because it's—if you explained what the schedule release was to Vince Lombardi, he'd call you a pussy and spit in your face.

The schedule release is a highly watched media event, though many analysts share the sentiment that it is overblown.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The NFL should release one game schedule per day for the entire off-season

The NFL, they should do, they should draw it out even longer. It should be one game that Roger Goodell releases per day for the entire off-season. And then at the end of it, he's like, okay, let's play some ball.

This is a procedural suggestion that has not been implemented by the league.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Preakness Stakes should move its date to three weeks before the Kentucky Derby

Why doesn't the Preakness just say, screw it to the Kentucky Derby and schedule their main race for like three weeks before the Kentucky Derby? You wanna play hardball? Yeah, you could play hardball. I feel like if you, if your horse wins the Preakness, if it was scheduled for before the Derby, you're not skipping the derby. No, you gotta run in the derby.

This is a hypothetical scheduling proposal to solve the issue of horses skipping the second jewel of the Triple Crown.