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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

If a bear can use nunchucks, a gorilla can fly a Black Hawk helicopter

It turns out that bears actually can use weapons... If a bear can pick up a nunchuck, a gorilla can pick up a fucking rocket launcher. A gorilla would be able to fly like a Black Hawk helicopter if a bear is able to use these martial art weapons.

Hot TakeLifeScorchingSarcastic
While bears and primates can be trained to use simple tools, there is no evidence of a gorilla piloting aircraft.

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Win
Jul 15, 2020
#9899
Big CatBig Cat

The next two weeks are make-or-break for the return of sports

I feel like this next week and a half, two weeks, is going to be make or break for the next six months to a year. We have baseball hopefully starting next Thursday, basketball bubbles going, scrimmages about to start, hockey, and then training camp. If these can go off without a hitch, I think we're back.

Major sports leagues successfully returned in late July and August 2020 (the 'Bubble' era) and completed their seasons.
Loss
Jul 15, 2020
#9900
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Washington Redskins should change their name to the Red Wolves

The Redskins are changing their name, hopefully, to the Red Wolves. Dan Snyder, if you're listening, the Red Wolves is the way to go for this.

The team initially became the Washington Football Team and eventually the Washington Commanders. 'Red Wolves' was rejected, reportedly due to trademark issues.
Void
Jul 15, 2020
#9901
Big CatBig Cat

Mitch Trubisky's 75 rating in Madden 21 is insane

Mitch Trubisky's a 75 in the new Madden. Insane. He was 79 last year. Goddamn.

Rating a player in a video game is subjective, but given Trubisky's performance in the 2020 season (he was eventually benched for Nick Foles), 75 was arguably generous.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Nate Oats would not be a great fit at UNC

I don't think he'd be a great fit there. Would people be talking about Nate Oats as much for this job if he didn't wear those jackets? They feel like Carolina jackets. It feels like he's been accepting people into anticipating him being the next UNC coach for a while.

Oats did not take the UNC job; the outcome of whether he'd have been a 'great fit' is subjective.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

James Wood will be a monster this season and hit 35 plus home runs

The only thing I have to look forward to this season is James Wood just being a fucking monster and getting 35 plus home runs. That's the only thing that I'm going to this season looking forward to as a Nats fan.

James Wood is a high-upside prospect, but 35+ home runs for a rookie/young player is a significant mark.
Loss
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Tom Brady never processed 9/11 because he was such a psycho about football

He just had delayed onset grief. Anything that happened during his playing career, he never processed any of it outside of football. Tom Brady probably never processed 9/11. He was such a psycho, all he cared about was football. He probably found out about it like two years ago.

Hyperbolic satirical claim.

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