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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

If you're PC police, you have to tell me — otherwise it's entrapment

If you're a PC police, you have to tell me. Otherwise, it's entrapment. I know my rights.

This is not how entrapment works. Satirizing the common misconception that undercover cops have to identify themselves, applied to 'PC police.'

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Oct 8, 2015·Monologue
#20451
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

James Harrison was right to take away his son's participation trophy

He made some news last month when he rightfully stole his six-year-old son's participation trophy because he didn't feel that his son had earned it. And while Harrison was without a doubt correct in doing this, he didn't have to throw it all over the news to get a pat on the back from the national media just for doing the right thing that he's supposed to do.

Harrison actually did this in August 2015 and it was widely debated. Whether he was right is a matter of opinion.
Void
Oct 8, 2015·Monologue
#20452
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Steelers are a team that conducts business the right way

Overall, the Steelers are their team that conducts business the right way. In fact, I think it was team owner Art Rooney that pulled Harrison aside and really backed him up back in 2008 when Harrison got arrested for domestic assault. Of course, I'm not here to condone domestic assault, but you have to look at the facts and wait for all the facts to come out.

Heavy sarcasm. Praising the Steelers' culture while referencing Harrison's 2008 domestic assault arrest to satirize the 'they do things the right way' narrative.
Void
Oct 8, 2015·Monologue
#20453
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Baptism is the ultimate participation trophy

When you think about it, isn't baptizing a child the ultimate participation trophy? They haven't earned shit yet. They're just a little kid. And you're trying to get them into the kingdom of heaven? I'm sorry, maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but that's some bullshit. You have to go out there and you have to earn eternal salvation. All of a sudden, we're giving this kid the keys to the kingdom just for showing up? That doesn't sound like the God I know. My God doesn't like moochers.

Satirical comparison between sports culture and theology. Pure comedy bit that became an early PFT classic.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Bills could have three or four Super Bowls without kickers

You can make the argument that the Buffalo Bills would have like three or four Super Bowls if kickers weren't a thing in football. You can make the argument that the Patriots might not have had the start of that dynasty if it wasn't for kickers.

The claim is a counterfactual and cannot be definitively verified.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Jalen Hurts will answer the Titans by beating them as a passer

I actually think Jalen Hurts is good enough as a quarterback that when somebody dares him to do that, he could say, 'Fuck you, I will beat you as a quarterback.' And then stay in the pocket and throw for like 300 yards and three touchdowns.

Hurts' passing production against Tennessee will determine this prediction.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Jaguars would be the second-best team in football if they win in Denver

If they win this game in Denver, I would put them maybe second in the power rankings behind the Jets.

The Jaguars' win and their resulting standing in PFT's power rankings are the relevant conditions; the ranking itself is subjective.