James Laurinaitis' dad is a more intimidating grandfather than Howie Long

I think [Howie Long] is up there, but you know, [James] Laurinaitis, his dad is, like, one of the Road Warriors... I got my dad in a Mortal Kombat situation over James' dad, but I'm just biased.

My son's work ethic is going to be what carries him through his athletic career

His name is Waylon James Long, and he was like seven pounds, five ounces. So he's pretty down the middle as far as measurables are concerned. His work ethic is going to really be what carries him through.

The position parents are in during conception determines their child's athletic ability

I'm not a doctor, but, like, is there a way to tell, like, what position the parents were in when the kid was conceived? ... maybe the Gronkowskis, maybe they've got this stable of just super athletes being poured out of there because, like, maybe [Gordy] and the mom were, like, sprinting in some weird position while the conception occurred.

JMU may not win again until the dog-poop bettor returns

JMU probably won't win another football game until that guy logs back on.

The Wizards are a one-through-eight seed team

I feel confident in my one through eight seed. Love that for the Wiz.

The Falcons can expose the 49ers defense

They might not actually be as good as we think they are on defense. I don't hate the Falcons at all in this game.