Joey Chestnut is the greatest athlete of all time

Joey Chestnut is the greatest athlete of all time. That's it. It's over. If you look at the career that he's put together and how he keeps beating himself. He doesn't have a guy that he's going up head-to-head against he's only competing against his past self and he continues to dominate himself from a year ago.

Joey Chestnut is better than Tiger Woods because he competes against everyone who has ever eaten a hot dog

He is better than Tiger Woods better. I would say better because Tiger Woods only competes against what 200 other people in a golf major right? Joey Chestnut is literally competing against anybody that's ever eating a hot dog.

The 60-game 2020 season is Mike Trout's best chance to finally make the playoffs

Mike Trout feels like he might opt out... doesn't this feel like the one chance Mike Trout has to go to the playoffs a 16-game season [meant 60]... he may never go to the playoffs. In this case, he might finally reach that point.

Getting excited for the NFL schedule release is for pussies

I can't get it up for the schedule release because it's—if you explained what the schedule release was to Vince Lombardi, he'd call you a pussy and spit in your face.

The Preakness Stakes should move its date to three weeks before the Kentucky Derby

Why doesn't the Preakness just say, screw it to the Kentucky Derby and schedule their main race for like three weeks before the Kentucky Derby? You wanna play hardball? Yeah, you could play hardball. I feel like if you, if your horse wins the Preakness, if it was scheduled for before the Derby, you're not skipping the derby. No, you gotta run in the derby.

Little Joe the gorilla forced a trade out of Boston to Pittsburgh

I see from little Joe's perspective, he probably forced this trade. Like little Joe probably demanded a trade so he could go somewhere and start to fuck again. You're getting rid of a locker room case. He's had some issues, some, some character concerns and distraction issues.