PMT DB
PMT DB
The 2020 Takie Awards with Blake Griffin, Brooks Koepka, and Blake Bortles
Big Cat and PFT are back from a mini-vacation to tackle the absolute dumpster fire that has been 2020. Before getting into the pageantry of the Takies, Big Cat needed to give Joey Chestnut his flowers. After watching Chestnut inhale 75 hot dogs in a quiet bunker with no crowd to cheer him on, Big Cat declared that we are witnessing the greatest athletic prime in human history.
Big CatJoey Chestnut is the greatest athlete of all time
Joey Chestnut is the greatest athlete of all time. That's it. It's over. If you look at the career that he's put together and how he keeps beating himself. He doesn't have a guy that he's going up head-to-head against he's only competing against his past self and he continues to dominate himself from a year ago.
While some might point to Tiger Woods or Michael Jordan, Big Cat argued that the sheer volume of the competition makes Joey the undisputed GOAT.
Big CatJoey Chestnut is better than Tiger Woods because he competes against everyone who has ever eaten a hot dog
He is better than Tiger Woods better. I would say better because Tiger Woods only competes against what 200 other people in a golf major right? Joey Chestnut is literally competing against anybody that's ever eating a hot dog.
As sports slowly try to claw their way back, the MLB return is looking more like a science experiment gone wrong. With players opting out daily, Big Cat pointed out that Mike Trout might be missing the best opportunity of his career to actually see the postseason.
Big CatThe 60-game 2020 season is Mike Trout's best chance to finally make the playoffs
Mike Trout feels like he might opt out... doesn't this feel like the one chance Mike Trout has to go to the playoffs a 16-game season [meant 60]... he may never go to the playoffs. In this case, he might finally reach that point.
The Washington Rebrand
With news breaking that the Washington Redskins are finally looking to change their name, PFT and Big Cat weighed in on what the future holds for the franchise. Big Cat noted that at this point, any name would be an upgrade over the current losing culture, even if it's a team known for losing.
Big CatThe Washington Generals have a better winning culture than the Redskins have had for the last 30 years
They've been so bad that the name Washington Generals is more aligned with a winning culture than the Washington Redskins has been for the last 30 years. ... We've tried everybody, we've tried everything possible. Let's Rebrand.
They brainstormed several new monikers, ranging from the Washington Teeth to the Washington Carpets. However, Big Cat thinks they should lean into the city's history and bring back a classic, even if the reason it left was a bit dark.
Big CatThe Washington Redskins should bring back the 'Bullets' name
They should call themselves Washington Bullets. I think would be awesome because they change the name of the bullets back in the 90s when the murder rate was high... Bring bring back the bullets. It's time. The jerseys were for the old bullets were fire.
Bryson DeChambeau and the Quest for Bombs
Golf has become the center of the sports universe lately, mostly because Bryson DeChambeau decided to transform into a human physics equation. Between his massive weight gain and his recent spat with a cameraman for "hurting his brand," Big Cat has seen enough to make a call on how this transformation happened.
Big CatI think Bryson DeChambeau is taking steroids
I'm out on Bryson DeChambeau. Yes, he's big the bombs. Guess he's put on weight, but he's artificially I'm going to say it right now. I think he's taking steroids. I think that it's artificial popcorn muscles.
Despite the "popcorn muscles" and the douchery, the guys admitted that watching him drive the green on par 4s is electric. He just hasn't reached the level of their favorite golfer yet.
Big CatBryson DeChambeau is a 'JV Brooks Koepka'
I think he's a JV Koepka... I hate Bryson DeChambeau. I think he's a douche bag and you can quote me on that, but I'm here for the bombs.
The 2020 Takie Awards
The 5th annual Takie Awards featured a star-studded lineup of presenters including Chris Hansen, Tommy Lasorda, and even James Garretson on a jet ski. PFT tried to find some optimism in the chaotic year, though Big Cat was a bit more skeptical about where we're headed.
PFT CommenterOnce 2020 ends, everything will get back to normal and be perfect
Once 2020 ends, everything's going to get back to normal to be perfect. You think 2020 is going to run up the score on us?
Big Cat2020 is going to continue to get worse and 'run up the score' on us
2020 is going to go the fuck out. You imagine if 2020 hasn't even gone to fuck off yet? Do we haven't got the aliens yet? ... A nuclear attack would be just a heat check from 2020.
While the year has been light on actual games, the guys found themselves missing even the most random mid-summer broadcasts.
Big CatI would love to watch a WNBA matinee game on a summer afternoon
I would especially love it if they had a game this afternoon a little matinee with the play in the summertime when kids go to camp. ... I would love to watch the Sky and Mercury.
In the major categories, Dan Wolken took home Worst Take of the Year for his 2017 tweet laughing at the Ed Orgeron hire at LSU. Big Cat didn't miss the chance to spike the football on that one.
Big CatDan Wolken had the worst take of the year for laughing at LSU's hire of Ed Orgeron
Dan Wolken... tweeted in 2017: yesterday a college football coaches agent called me. He said LSU hired Ed Orgeron. We laughed for a few minutes. So good job, Dan that turned out to be the worst take ever. Who's laughing now bitch? Haha.
Big Cat also had to own up to his own disastrous prediction regarding the sports calendar.
Big CatI will inject myself with coronavirus if they cancel March Madness
Right before 24 hours before they decided there was going to be no March Madness. I said I would inject myself with coronavirus if they cancel March Madness.
When it came to the Worst Prediction of the Year, the field was dominated by Clay Travis and his various attempts to quantify the pandemic. PFT used a Curt Schilling cameo to crown a winner in a category that was essentially a Clay Travis Lifetime Achievement award.
PFT CommenterClay Travis had the worst prediction of the year for saying COVID-19 deaths would not reach the thousands
Clay Travis... said I'd be surprised if we get into the thousands when talking about total coronavirus deaths in the U.S. however turns out he's actually right because there's 20 times more people that have been infected than not [sarcastic delivery].
Blake of the Year
The episode culminated in the most prestigious award in sports: Blake of the Year. The defending champion Blake Griffin went up against the first-ever winner Blake Bortles and the hungry challenger Brooks Koepka.
In a legendary performance, Blake Griffin answered the phone in a blistering 3.3 seconds. Despite Brooks Koepka buying the BlakeOfTheYear.com domain to redirect to his own site, he couldn't beat the sheer speed of the Pistons big man. It was a crushing blow for Bortles, who remains the low man on the podium, though Billy Football's attempt to "cut" him from the roster over the phone was the real tragedy of the segment.
If you're still reading this, you are officially an Award Winning Listener for the fifth year in a row.
