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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Swimming is not a sport; it is just a struggle to keep breathing

How soft does [Danny Kanell] think that you are because you're a swimmer and basically you just – you don't drown, like I say – Swimming is not a sport. It's just trying to keep breathing.

Subjective and clearly satirical definition of a sport.

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Aug 19, 2016
#4889
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Ryan Lochte robbery incident in Rio is like the worst Jason Bourne movie of all time

Since it's swimming, we get to watch this play out like the worst Jason Bourne movie of all time.

Void
Aug 19, 2016
#27869
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

An unwritten rule of the 'bro code' is that you break it to save your own ass

That's an unwritten rule of bro code is that you break bro code to save your own ass.

Humorous take on social dynamics and 'bro' culture.
Win
Aug 19, 2016
#4890
Big CatBig Cat

The number one lie in sports is a coach claiming they aren't interviewing for other jobs

Number one [lie] is every time any coach anywhere says they're happy with their job and they're not interviewing. That's number one lie in all sports.

While hyperbolically stated as a 'fact', this is a common trope in sports media where coaches routinely deny interest in jobs they later take (e.g., Nick Saban, Lincoln Riley).

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.