The Chargers won the Eli Manning trade once and for all because the Giants are 0-5

Odell Beckham, more like 0-5, Odell Beckham. The Giants remain winless, and the Chargers win the Eli Manning-Philip Rivers trade once and for all.

The Eagles have no possible way to screw up this winning season

Philadelphia's got their blue-collar quarterback and a winning team. There is no possible way they can screw this one up, folks.

Offensive line coaches should be recreational cocaine users to stay amped for the job

I don't have a problem with an offensive line coach just doing a little recreational blow as long as it's on the job. If you use it just to get amped up before a meeting, what's the difference between that and just banging a monster?

The Rays are playing an exciting brand of baseball

It's a very, very exciting brand of baseball. And I'm gonna miss it when it's over. So I did not wanna sweep, so thank you.

The Cowboys are a bad football team

The Cowboys are a bad football team. And I can't wait for people to start to say like, this is when, look at the schedule. Dallas is gonna put some wins together.

Performance-enhancing drug shortages may explain dominant teams falling off

There started to be severe, severe supply chain issues when it came to performance enhancing drugs and peptide shipments coming to the United States. I just think it's interesting.