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The Super Bowl will feature some combination of the Patriots, Cowboys, or Seahawks

And it sucks to say this, but it's going to be the Patriots and the Cowboys or the Seahawks. Slash Seahawks, yeah. So some combination of that, that's where we're going to be in Houston.

The Patriots did make and win Super Bowl LI, but the Cowboys and Seahawks were eliminated in the Divisional round by the Packers and Falcons.

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Matt Barkley is a terrible quarterback

Let's face it folks, Matt Charles Barkley, the round mound of intentional ground, is terrible. Just terrible. Terrible, terrible. Terrible, terrible, terrible.

Barkley was 1-5 as a starter for the Bears in 2016 and threw twice as many interceptions as touchdowns, eventually becoming a career backup.
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Nov 28, 2016
#8212
Big CatBig Cat

The Dallas Cowboys are the best team that sucks in the NFL

Dallas is still maybe the best team in the NFL, which is insane. They're the best team that sucks. In the NFL. They're the suckiest best teams, too.

The 2016 Cowboys finished 13-3 and were the #1 seed in the NFC, though they did lose their first playoff game to Green Bay.
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Ed Orgeron is officially the greatest interim coach of all time

Is he officially the greatest interim coach of all time? His last head coaching stint at Ole Miss, where he went 10-25... he's won more games as an interim coach than a head coach.

At the time of the take, Orgeron was 6-2 at USC and 5-2 at LSU as an interim, totaling 11 wins, which was more than his 10 wins at Ole Miss.

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The Knicks will sweep the Cavaliers in four games

Yeah. I mean it's, it is over Knicks in four. It's over.

Depends on the outcome of the specific 2026 playoff series.
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Victor Wembanyama is a disappointment if he doesn't win seven championships

He has to win a minimum seven championships... has to. If he doesn't, disappointment.

Winning seven rings is nearly impossible in the modern NBA; even one or two would be a success.
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Carlos Alcaraz and Jannik Sinner are going to have sex with each other because of their mutual respect

These guys are gonna fuck if they haven't fucked already. Holy shit. They're, they respect each other so much as competitors and as rivals, they're going to fuck each other. It's not even a question.

Inherently unresolvable and based on a fake quote anyway.