The Bengals bringing back Marvin Lewis is a strategy to maintain relevancy through being a running joke.

The Bengals... Bringing Marvin Lewis back and continuing his contract and continuing him coaching, it's almost like a running joke they've created themselves that gives them relevancy where everyone can be like, Marvin Lewis jokes. So you at least have an identity that everyone can make fun of Marvin Lewis.

Bruce Arians will be back to coaching within two months of his retirement.

Bruce Arians, he's retired. But as we know, he's not going to know what to do with himself. He's just going to sit on his porch staring out into infinity for two months, and he'll think that's retirement, and then he'll be like, I've got to get back to coaching.

LeBron James never wins NBA championships and doesn't follow through on plans.

If you look at LeBron's career, you see the patterns of a drunk person... He doesn't follow through on plans because he never wins NBA championships. Makes big plans and then just kind of backs out of them.

The Falcons are a real, flawed good team

I do think that the Falcons are real. Yeah. I think that they're a good team. They're a flawed good team.

The Falcons may have the NFL's best skill-position group

I think that if the Falcons can do that, they have maybe the best set of skill position players in the NFL. If you're able to protect Penix, he's good enough to distribute it and then just let their awesome players do awesome shit.

MLB's proposed check-swing replay would make everything a check swing

Yeah. Parallel with the plate. Yeah. That's what I thought the rule was. And apparently that's just not the rule anymore. If they ever bring this system to Major League Baseball, I get—everything's a check swing.