The worst thing you can do at an office job is have people set high expectations for you.

You don't want to be great at your job. You don't want to be really, really bad at your job. You just kind of want to just go with the speed of traffic... That is the worst thing that you can do to yourself is make people have high expectations. It's a low bar in Cincinnati. I love it.

Bruce Arians will be back to coaching within two months of his retirement.

Bruce Arians, he's retired. But as we know, he's not going to know what to do with himself. He's just going to sit on his porch staring out into infinity for two months, and he'll think that's retirement, and then he'll be like, I've got to get back to coaching.

LeBron James never wins NBA championships and doesn't follow through on plans.

If you look at LeBron's career, you see the patterns of a drunk person... He doesn't follow through on plans because he never wins NBA championships. Makes big plans and then just kind of backs out of them.

Pigeons are the smartest birds because they live off human trash

Pigeons might be the smartest bird. There is one... they've essentially just over the years been like, Hey, you know where we should live? Right where the people leave their trash. We don't have to hunt for anything. We don't have to go fucking diving for worms and fish... Some guy's going to eat a calzone and not finish it and we're gonna finish it. So pigeons might be the smartest bird.

Barry Bonds could still play in the MLB and take a million walks because of fear

I think of that with Barry Bonds for sure. Barry Bonds I like He could just, he, he could show up and just be awesome and, and take like a million walks. 'cause people would fear him.

American air conditioning is the equivalent of 'Hunter Biden crack' for European visitors

I would imagine air conditioning for Europeans hits like crack. Like the best crack of all. Oh, hunter Biden crack. Yeah. That's like when we go over to, to Spain and we see a nude beach. Like that's, that, that feeling that we get over there is their feeling when they're walking into one of our buildings over here.