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Loss
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

You can actually lose weight by eating a diet of Uncrustables

I actually think you could lose weight eating Uncrustables. Peanut butter's got tons of protein in it. Bread is the biggest part of the food pyramid, which is really, really healthy and scientific.

Nutritionally, eating a high volume of processed sandwiches is unlikely to lead to weight loss for most people.

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Void
Oct 25, 2024
#15555
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Rams would win a trade sending Matthew Stafford to the Vikings for Sam Darnold

There were floating rumors out there about Matthew Stafford being traded for Sam Darnold. Which would've been insane if that had happened. I was, as a fan of chaos, I was hoping that that would happen before the game because that we'll never see that again. And honestly, I think that the Rams would win that trade.

The trade never happened, so the value cannot be verified, but most analysts would favor Stafford over Darnold at that time.
Loss
Oct 25, 2024
#24885
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Barstool office will eat over 1,000 Uncrustables in a single week

I predict we're gonna be in the like thousand ranges. ... I will make sure that we do not run out of Uncrustables at all for the week. And we'll keep track. Yeah. For this office. I'll send out an email. I'll be like, it's my, I I'm, we're doing a study. Eat as many Uncrustables as you want.

The office attempted the challenge in late October 2024, but reportedly fell short of the 1,000 mark.
Win
Oct 25, 2024
#15559
MaxMax

If the Eagles beat the Bengals, they are winning the Super Bowl

If we win this one though, I'm all the way back. Okay. If, if we win this one, I'm thinking soupy.

The Eagles beat the Bengals in Week 8 (37-17) and went on to win Super Bowl LIX. Max's prediction that an Eagles win over the Bengals meant they were Super Bowl-bound proved correct.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.