It is finally safe to donate to cancer charities now that OJ Simpson is dead

The big news is it's finally okay to donate to cancer curing charities now again. Yes. Because now there's no chance that money goes to help OJ.

OJ Simpson was a significantly better football player than he was a person

Say what you will about OJ. But he was a way, way better football player than person. Absolutely. Not even close. Like 2000 yards in 14 games.

The Buffalo Bills have been cursed from returning to the Super Bowl since OJ Simpson committed murder in 1994

I realized after OJ died, the Bills haven't made the Super Bowl since he committed double murder. 1994, the Bills played in the Super Bowl. Summer 94 [the murder happened]. This might be good things for the Bills [now that he's dead].

It is physically impossible to chug a beer out of the Buffalo Sabres sword

The mc of the event's, like, dude, these things you can't chug out of 'em. You have to drink it slow because you can't chug. They end up spilling. It's impossible to chug. I said, oh, all right. Well I wish you told me that beforehand mc guy.

Connor McDavid has lost his superpower due to injury

McDavid's hurt. And it just sucks... It's like he lost his superpower. So he skates like no one I've ever seen before... And now he doesn't have that. He still has the straightaway speed, I've noticed... but the little cutbacks where he is beating D out of the corner... He doesn't have it.

The NBA product has never been worse

The product's never been worse. The NBA and I don't watch it. So you can say, how do you know the product? It's, it's terrible. And if you're not somebody, I've asked you guys... lead off your show with hockey when football season's not going. But no, you guys stick to basketball and it's horrible.