Takes

Ben Simmons should just quit playing basketball

I think at this point, Ben Simmons should just quit playing basketball. I think he should quit. I think he just doesn't like it. I think it's pretty obvious that he doesn't like playing basketball... if he doesn't like doing it, he should just quit.

The Bucks are a lock to win on NBA opening night

Also the Bucks... what if the Bucks are maybe the biggest lock tonight? The rosters coming allly back. You saw that video with Giannis with the jump shot. This is like the greatest basketball player of all time.

Ben Simmons will face an all-time 'boo-fest' upon his return to Philadelphia

Ben Simmons has arrived in Philadelphia, took a COVID-19 test as required by NBA protocol... I love going to a good boo-fest. Going to the Sixers' first game, I might have to figure out, talk to Tick Pick and get out there. So perfect that it's Philly... Philly's going to roast him.

I would average 20 points and 20 rebounds in today's NBA

I'd probably get 20-20. One thing about rebound now is the field goal percentage is probably down 3 or 4% than when we played... more three-pointers being taken, so that means maybe more rebound opportunities... They can't shoot, really. I mean, the shooting is bad.

P.J. Tucker is the toughest guy in the NBA right now

I don't know who tough. I mean, I ain't seen a fight. I see it by the hug and kissing... maybe Tucker. P.J. Tucker. I mean, I like the way he played, and he got up in KD, phased in, back down.

Michael Jordan is #1 all-time and LeBron James is #2

MJ1, LeBron2. They always want to throw a center at 30, so we're going to have to give it to probably Kareem or Shaq.

Michael Jordan is the GOAT because he could pull off a Hitler mustache without criticism

That also proves why he's the GOAT because he could do a Hitler mustache and still survive. No one says anything. Imagine LeBron does that. We wouldn't let them off the hook.

Anthony Davis can be Robin, but LeBron James can only be Batman

I think AD can be Robin... LeBron could try to be Robin, but that ain't who he is. He is Batman. You know, he Bruce Wayne. AD can be Robin. He can switch it up.

The United States is still the best in the world at basketball

I knew we was going to win. We're the best in the world. I don't care what nobody say... They're only catching up to us because they're learning from us.

It is now impossible for a single star to win an NBA title alone

Now it's like you try to do that now your ass would be out the league. Because it's impossible for anybody to do that... I don't want to say it's sad, but it is sad. Because it's impossible for you to try to go do it by yourself.

The NBA should return to best-of-five series for the first round of the playoffs

I think MBA absolutely should go back to the best of five... Dikembe Mutombo shocked the world... those are the moments that you get.

Every NBA team should have a 13th roster spot reserved for a 40+ year old legend

There should be just a 13-man on every team that's like a million dollars. Everyone gets it, and it has to be, the player has to be 40 years or older. Just so we can see, like, imagine Shaq just standing on a sideline. Just every now and then, just let him go in.

Ben Simmons is a 'penny stock' worth investing in right now

I'm kind of low key addicted to Ben Simmons because he really is like a penny stock. If he could figure it out a little bit, it would be incredible. Like he would be, you know, a starter on the all-star team because he has all the other stuff. Defense, passing, dribbling... If he could just figure out when to shoot and have the balls to shoot, I'm telling you invest now.

Magic Johnson is the greatest nickname in sports history

I think it's probably the greatest nickname of all time because it just becomes his name. It is Magic Johnson. There is no one better than Magic Johnson. Irvin Johnson becoming Magic. I mean, it's just synonymous.

Draymond Green is officially a Basketball Hall of Famer

Draymond is a Hall of Famer now. Like, he has everything. Two Final Fours, three titles, two gold medals, Defensive Player of the Year. When you look at his resume, you're like, whoa.

Australia is a mortal lock to beat Slovenia in the Olympic Bronze Medal game.

Mortal lock of the century, Australia, third place game. You've got to find the teams that actually, it's like bowl season... Luka just carried his team to the semifinals, and now is he going to be like, I'm going to really want a bronze medal? Australia, that group together, has never won a medal.

I'm legitimately excited for the Bulls after the Caruso, Lonzo Ball, and DeRozan signings

The Bulls are back. They have gotten very aggressive. Caruso, Lonzo Ball, and now DeMar DeRozan all in the Bulls next year. I'm actually legitimately excited.

Once the Lakers get to the playoffs, it will be Carmelo Anthony's team, not LeBron James'

I'm also rooting for the takes to start flying because when you have that many guys on a team, it's no longer LeBron James' team. I think once they get to the playoffs, it's Mello time, baby.

Alex Caruso is a top-five player in the Eastern Conference

Caruso is legitimately, I think, now a top five player in the East.

Jalen Green will be a great NBA player based solely on his draft night suit

Jalen Green's going to be a great NBA player. Just look at his suit. And I was like, yup, Perk, thank you. This is the analysis. Like I don't give a fuck about you showing me a few highlight teams and being like, he comps out to this guy because similar to the prospects in baseball, none of us know. So yeah, if it's going to be like, 'Hey, this guy wearing a cool suit or not,' that's actually the analysis.

Cade Cunningham's veganism is a major red flag for his NBA durability

I am concerned with Cade Cunningham though... it's because he's vegan. If you're a vegan going into the NBA, Jalen Green's 180 pounds, he will probably be able to put on another like 20. And Cade Cunningham's probably gonna lose weight over the course of his career. You can't trust a man made of the plant proteins. That's his durability and his mentality.

The Lakers getting Russell Westbrook will work because LeBron James will make him fall in line

If you look at it as like it's LeBron's team, it's LeBron city, it's LeBron's everything he will make Russell Westbrook fall in line and that, and itself should work.

Russell Westbrook cares too much to ever be LeBron James' 'Robin'

I love Russell Westbrook. I think he cares so much that he's going to be the one that gets pissed off at LeBron. I think that he's going to see a couple of games in the middle of the season like LeBron doing load management or whatever and Russell Westbrook is going to get pissed off about that. Russell Westbrook, I don't know if he's going to be able to work in a system where he's very clearly supposed to be the Robin because he's a dog.

Jalen Johnson is not a true Duke player because he 'stood up' to Coach K

Jalen Johnson... he's the guy who quit on, dropped out of Duke. So he's not—let me say, I'm not going to say he quit on it. It was courageous what he did against Coach K, because Coach K probably made it his life miserable playing at Duke. Coach K is officially off the board. No, I think Jalen Johnson, he's not a Duke player. He's just not. I don't think that we can count him as a Duke player.

I prefer the easy way out when it comes to championships

I prefer the easy way out. Kinda my thing. I don't know this, and there's a good parody in the Blake via context. And then Brooks being a newcomer. Oh, is he hasn't gotten one yet, but Blake, Blake Bortles has won and, and it's been a, it's been a tough race.

The Wisconsin Badgers could win the Olympic gold medal in basketball

I really do think that the Wisconsin Badgers could win the gold medal because it does feel like that's the style of basketball [in the Olympics]. I was actually thinking that probably the worst NBA team would have a better chance at winning the title than this group right now.

The Utah Jazz is the dumbest team name in sports

The Utah Jazz, it's the dumbest name in sports. It really [is]. ... If it was just the Boston Red Sox, the Knickerbockers... so many team names you're like, 'this doesn't make any sense'.

The 2021 Bucks championship was one of the hardest NBA titles to win ever

I mean, look, we played the Brooklyn Nets in the second round. They've got three superstars... and it was definitely one of, if not the hardest. We started off with a team that we owed revenge to [Miami], and the Atlanta Hawks are a good young team... and the Phoenix Suns are obviously a great team.

PJ Tucker's role on a championship team is specifically to be the 'dog'

PJ Tucker's role is to be a dog. So he was just like saying, you need dogs to win that's him. Yeah. So he was like, yeah. He was like defining his role. He had to teach everyone else how to be a dog.

Giannis Antetokounmpo's Game 6 performance was one of the top three or four of all time, better than Michael Jordan or LeBron James.

I think it was one of the top three or four Game 6 performances of all time... Michael Jordan would be one. The other would be LeBron James against the San Antonio Spurs... and it [Giannis's performance] was better than both of those. It was 50 points in a clincher.

The crown of the NBA has been passed from LeBron James to Giannis Antetokounmpo.

I think the torch discussion... I feel like that's not even the correct discussion to have. I feel like we should have a crown discussion. I think the crown is now [Giannis's]. I think that it's no longer King James. I think it's King Giannis.

The Milwaukee Bucks winning the NBA title is good for the game of basketball.

I'm going to put this out there. It's good for the game. The Bucks winning is good for the game.

Giannis Antetokounmpo, Khris Middleton, and Jrue Holiday are officially a 'Big Three'

The big three [of the Bucks] auto stepped up. They are the big three. So it was Giannis, Middleton, and Holiday. They're the first team in the NBA Finals since 1985 to have three guys go for 25 points on 50% shooting in the same game.

Chris Paul's foul on Giannis Antetokounmpo in Game 5 was one of the dirtiest plays possible

I'm officially out on Chris Paul. I'm team fuck Chris Paul for life now... because that foul on that alley-oop is like the dirtiest thing that you can possibly do. It's so quick... you can't like try to injure the team's best player. That dirty ass move. I'm out.

Giannis Antetokounmpo's viral quote about ego, pride, and humility makes no sense

Giannis had a quote after the game... 'When you focus on the past, that's your ego. When you focus on your future, that's your pride. When you focus on the present, that's humility.'... Am I the only one? The quote makes no sense. I don't really understand how you can focus on the exact present all the time... I thought that the pride and ego thing should have been swapped.

The Bucks' playoff record sequence will finish as a perfect palindrome

If they end up winning on Tuesday night, the Bucks this playoffs are going to go a perfect sequence of four wins, two losses, two wins, a loss, two wins, a loss, two wins, a loss, two wins, two losses and four wins. It's exactly 4-2-2-1-2-1-2-1-2-2-4. It's a palindrome.

Team USA Basketball is doing a 'rope-a-dope' and will win the Olympic Gold

I'm thinking about it, I think they're [Team USA] actually going to win the gold. I think they're doing a little rope-a-dope... they're doing some drinking before games and that might be why they're playing—no, they're just, you know, they were out the night before. It's a tune-up. They're not taking this seriously. Once they take it seriously, they will beat everyone.

Giannis Antetokounmpo's Game 4 block belongs in the Pantheon of all-time NBA Finals blocks

That block, [Giannis's] block, Pantheon of blocks. I'd say it's finals... greatest turnaround, no question. Greatest Mike Breen witnessed finals block of all time.

Khris Middleton is not a superstar, but a very good player who is occasionally great

Chris Middleton now has everyone befuddled because we have this rule in media and how we digest all these games... Are you a superstar or not? 40 points, you should be a superstar, but he's not, he's just a guy who's very good and then sometimes great. And I think that's a totally fine place to put him.

Chris Paul's poor Game 4 performance might be due to vertigo

I don't know what vertigo is. Is that considered an injury or is that considered a disease or an ailment? I think he has vertigo. Because he just, he looked dizzy when he was trying to dribble the ball. Like he didn't know where the ball was going to come up after I hit the ground.

The Bucks will win the NBA Finals

I think the Bucks [win]. I just, and it's based solely on the fact that... I do actually think Chris Paul has some type of injury because there is no explanation for how he's playing. And if he has that type of injury, the Suns are kind of fucked.

Sean Miller would be the greatest used car salesman of all college basketball coaches

The easy answer is going to be Sean Miller on this one. Just because you can see him patrolling the lot out there, sweating through his suit. That's a man that was born to be in a used car commercial.

Coach K would never have lost two games in a row with Team USA

Coach K would never lose two games. He would absolutely never. You guys roast him day in and day out. He stops being the USA coach. They lose to Nigeria and Australia. Back-to-back coincidence or—

NBA players are struggling in international play because they don't get 'NBA fouls'

It's actually what basketball should be because all of the guys in the NBA are looking for all the fouls that they call in the NBA and they don't call them in the world in the FIBA. So they're doing the jump into a guy. They're doing the, you know, going up for a layup and throwing their head back and the refs are just letting them play. And it's fucking awesome.

The Phoenix Suns will still win the NBA Finals despite the Game 3 loss

I do think that the box [Bucks]... they have enough guys to make this series. I do still think the sons [Suns] are gonna win, but that was a great performance to come home.

USA Basketball losing to Nigeria is actually good for the sport

This is good for basketball. I like, I love those people. I don't care. You know, it's, it's, it's shown the, all the good that the United States has done on an international level. The fact that these teams who used to just look up to us and get autographs from our players after the games are now able to compete, it really goes to show you what a great job United States basketball has done in spreading the game.

Suns fans in 8K hit differently and make the viewing experience much better

But they're here for the Suns, and when they're in 8K, it hits different. It hits a little bit different in 8K. It's way different than when they're showing like the British fans in 8K... the Suns fans in 8K, it made the viewing experience that much better.

Giannis Antetokounmpo's Game 2 performance was exceptional, but he cannot win without his max-contract teammates showing up

Giannis was like, exceptional. It was reminiscent of... that finals game, the classic J.R. Smith game when LeBron had like 50... This was a Giannis display. He was the best player on the court, and he had no help because Chris Middleton and Drew Holiday were a combined 12 for 37... You cannot win with that when that's your second best guy and a max guy.

Jay Crowder shooting over 50% from three is the tipping point for the Suns' offense

I would like to see the statistical breakdown of Jay Crowder's performance as it relates to how likely the Suns are to win. Like, if he shoots over 50% from three... That's the tipping point for the Suns' offense because you have a chance of beating them if the role players don't contribute like that. But if they do, you have no chance.

'Suns in 4' is a mentality that remains valid even if the Suns win in five games

The Suns could win this series in a gentleman's sweep, and that's still Suns and four. They still won four games. It's just all about sometimes it's about the journey, not the destination, man.