Takes

Paul George is actually 'Playoff Passive' because he turtles in big moments

Playoff P was such a playoff P that, I mean, I've never seen anyone be more, it's actually playoff passive is what it stands for because he turtles in big moments. And the fact that he gave himself the nickname, playoff P after game one, is one of the most embarrassing things you could ever do.

Russell Westbrook is the most likely NBA player to kill a teammate

Also, you have to deal with Westbrook, who's probably the most likely to kill somebody in the NBA. I could see him murdering a teammate.

Brad Stevens is the best coach in the NBA

And then the Celtics are, I mean, we've said this before, but Brad Stevens is the best coach in the league.

LeBron James is the best athlete in world history

LeBron James is the best athlete in world history, as I've long said.

I hate the NBA and the entire league is disgusting

The whole thing is disgusting to me. I haven't changed my opinion on any of it. I hate the NBA.

I'm officially canceling Russell Westbrook

I've canceled Russell Westbrook. He's canceled. He's done. I, white girl, can't even with him anymore. Dude, you know how lame you have to be to get owned by Mitt Romney? I mean, and Mitt Romney owned him. He showed him how many fouls he had.

The Thunder are trash and are not legitimate competitors

I'm done with anyone talking about the Thunder. I said this pre-playoffs. I called this. I said they are trash, and I do not want to hear about the Thunder being any kind of, like, even close to a competitor.

The game on Wednesday could be LeBron James' last home game in Cleveland

Is Wednesday night LeBron's last home game in Cleveland? I just love doing the last home game in Cleveland. Watch. We're going to hopefully do it all playoffs if they win this series. But it's always the best to be like, ooh, this could be the last home game for LeBron in Cleveland.

The Bulls would have won the NBA title last year if Rajon Rondo hadn't gotten hurt

The Bulls probably would have won the title last year if [Rajon] Rondo didn't get hurt... because he was fourth gear Rondo. He was just getting ready.

Andre Iguodala has regressed mightily and is now a washed-up bum

I also am going to put a little tickler file on Andre Iguodala being a washed-up bum. He passed up maybe the most wide-open three-pointer today, and my alerts went off in my brain, like, this guy's a bum now... Iguodala's actually regressed mightily. I'm like, well, guess what? Big Cat saw him pass up that 1-3. He got the bum tag.

The 76ers are going to the NBA Finals

The Sixers, though, I believe now in them going to the finals. Like, them winning with Joel Embiid playing terrible on offense, like, okay, they're a problem for people.

The Pelicans are getting revenge on the Blazers because they took their hurricane logo personally

New Orleans saw that the Blazers have a hurricane as their logo, and they took it personally. And they're pissed off. Yep, they took all their angst out.

LeBron James and the Cavaliers will not win the Eastern Conference this year

We also have LeBron, who they're not winning the East... But when you score 40 and can barely win the game, your teammates stink and your team stinks.

The Timberwolves are the saddest team in the world

The Timberwolves are the saddest team in the world. They are pretty bad. There's no really redeeming quality to watching them play.

The Minnesota Timberwolves will win the NBA title next year

I'm going to take your coach and your player, and the Timberwolves are going to win it all next year.

Brad Stevens is the best coach in the NBA

Brad Stevens is the best coach in the NBA. He is a wagon. I expect anything from a Brad Stevens coached team. They just play so much smarter than everyone else.

Giannis Antetokounmpo might be a 'coach killer'

Is Giannis [Antetokounmpo] the coach killer? Did he make Jason Kidd bad? Is he making [Joe] Prunty... look like an asshole?

LeBron James will lose to the Pacers in the first round of the 2018 playoffs

Not only is [LeBron James] about to lose to the Pacers in the first round, which will be embarrassing for him... Probably not.

LeBron James was the hardest player to guard in the NBA during my rookie year

I'm going to go LeBron [James]. [Hardest guy I had to guard].

Kawhi Leonard will never play another game for the San Antonio Spurs

Kawhi's never playing another game for the San Antonio Spurs. I don't know... I really don't think so... The fact that he's not even speaking to anyone, it seems like he's not speaking to anyone on the Spurs... I don't think he's ever playing another game for the Spurs.

Kawhi Leonard's defiance toward the Spurs is because he tried marijuana once

This kind of reminds me of... signs to tell that maybe your teen is trying marijuana. They develop a new group of friends. They stop listening to your instructions. They become defiant... I think maybe Kawhi Leonard tried marijuana. And it's been all downhill from there. I think he inhaled marijuana at least once, and now he's becoming an issue.

The Cavaliers are absolutely done after their Game 1 loss

The Cavaliers are done. Done. Absolutely done. They looked like shit today. LeBron James, I think he's over the hill.

LeBron James lost Game 1 on purpose to pad his all-time stats

LeBron actually lost this game on purpose so he can pad his all-time playoff stats.

LeBron James needs to get back on social media to play well

I think Zero Dark 23 is actually bad for LeBron because he's such a millennial. He needs to be hooked up to his endorphin stream that comes from his Instagram account and his tweets. He needs to get back on social media.

The Celtics are the most likable team in the NBA playoffs

I think that the Celtics are the most likable team in the NBA playoffs right now.

LeBron James will not go to the Sixers if they win the title this year

The Sixers don't want to win this year... if the Sixers win this year, then there's no chance LeBron goes to Philly. LeBron James is many things now, but he's not a ring chaser.

Russell Westbrook is LeBron James's motivation for getting triple-doubles

Skip Bayless is basically saying that LeBron James just started to get triple doubles because he saw all the attention that the media was paying to Westbrook, and not because he's really good at basketball or anything.

Ben Simmons is a rookie

He didn't play one game [his first year]? Then he's a rookie. I mean, you didn't do anything on the court to gain any experience or stuff. I think he's a rookie.

Gregg Popovich is an enormous dickhead

I think Greg Popovich is a... Enormous dickhead... He's gotten so much positive reinforcement for being an asshole that now he's just like, it's good if I'm an asshole.

The Bucks might sweep the Celtics in the first round

Bucks are maybe even going to sweep the Celtics.

I am rooting for LeBron to get to the Finals just so he can lose for a 10th time

I'm rooting for the Cavs in the Eastern Conference this year... Because I want LeBron to lose again in the finals. I want the losses. I have the dream in my mind, the dream that Hank spoke out loud last year when he's like, what if LeBron ends up losing 10 NBA finals? So I am all in on the Cavs up until the finals.

The Warriors will beat the Cavs in the Finals in only three games

I'm going Cavs-Warriors again, and the Warriors win in three games.

The OKC Thunder are not a super team and Carmelo Anthony is trash

I do not give a fuck about the Oklahoma City Thunder. I do not care that they have three quote-unquote superstars because Melo is trash. Paul George and Russ Westbrook are still very, very good, but they are not going to beat anyone. Even if they win their first series, they're not going to do anything. It's like this thing that happens to everyone's brain where they see a couple of splashy names on a team together and they say super team. They don't let them get in a series. They could beat anyone. They could not beat anyone. They're not good.

Carmelo Anthony stinks as an NBA player

Can we, as like a society, just agree that we're not going to believe the bullshit hype with the Thunder? Melo stinks. I watched him play. All he does is run up and down. He runs three-point line to three-point line, and he doesn't play any defense, and he doesn't really move on offense, and he bricks shots. He stinks.

The Rockets and Raptors are frauds until they win a big game

These playoffs are the 'we don't actually believe in these teams' playoffs because everyone's talking about the Rockets, everyone's talking about the Raptors, and I don't believe in either of those teams until they actually win a big game, and neither of them are going to do it.

The 2018 Cavaliers have the least margin for error of any LeBron James team

I would say this year's Cavaliers have the least margin for error of any of [LeBron's] Cavaliers teams since he came back. And, you know, if Kevin Love gets hurt again somehow during this playoff run or if something bad happens like that to that team, there's no soft landing.

The Pacers will be a much harder first-round challenge for Cleveland than people think

Right now, as we have this conversation, the Pacers are matched up against the Cavaliers. I think that series is actually going to be harder for Cleveland than other people might think. The Pacers are legit tough this year.

The Timberwolves will upset the Rockets or Warriors if they make the playoffs

I got a take that if the Timberwolves make the playoffs, they're going to upset someone. Either the Rockets or the Warriors.

Eastern Conference NBA teams that wear red will lose early in the playoffs

Eastern Conference teams that wear red lose early in the playoffs. So I guess this year it would just be the Raptors, the Heat, and the Wizards are all going to lose very early on.

The 2018 NBA Finals will be the Sixers versus the Timberwolves

I actually got put on the spot today, and I said it's going to be the Sixers versus the Wolves.

Jalen Brunson will not be a star in the NBA and will likely be a second-round pick

I still think Jalen Brunson is not going to be a star in the NBA. He probably is a second-round pick.

Joel Embiid was high post-surgery based on his Villanova tweets

Joel Embiid who apparently after he broke his face he's been tweeting... oh yeah he's probably been high. Very high. Some of the tweets he had during the game was, 'Man, am I high?' I guess that's confirmed.

Kevin Durant can beat LeBron James one-on-one

I'd say [Durant] is the best player in the NBA right now. At his peak, I think he can beat LeBron. Yeah, I just said it. One-on-one.

Kevin Durant is the softest superstar of all time

But he [Durant] has to be the softest superstar of all time. LeBron does not get triggered. Kevin Durant had a burner account fucking responding to his own tweets. He literally goes on these podcasts and sounds so angry about everything... stop being such a baby all the time.

The Sixers are easy to guard in the playoffs because Ben Simmons can't shoot

Ben Simmons can't shoot, so if you just take them out of his hands, it's a lot easier to guard a team with four players instead of five.

Kyrie Irving will be back and fine for the first round of the playoffs

He'll be back in three weeks, first round of the playoffs, no problem... Once [the debris is] out, he's completely fine.

Charge calls are the worst part about basketball and should be banned

I don't understand what's a charge and what's a block anymore, so you've got to just get rid of one of them, and you're not going to get rid of the block call. [Charges] are the worst part about basketball in general.

The Raptors are the most likely team to beat LeBron James and the Cavaliers in the 2018 East

Probably the Raptors. The Raptors are so good right now. I think I believe in them, too. They are very good right now. All the guys are playing well. Everybody on their team is playing well.

Basketball isn't really a sport.

Is it [basketball] a sport? You don't even have to watch until the fourth quarter.

The Warriors' greatness allows them to openly disrespect the rest of the league

I love any team that reaches that level of greatness where they can blatantly just spit in your face and say, you're not going to beat us... We get drunk. We can skip games. We skip practices. This is all just a formality for us because when it comes to the playoffs, we're going to kick your ass.