Takes

The Eagles front office and coaching staff authorized a hatchet job against Jalen Hurts

There are some people in that still work for the Eagles in the front office and the coaching ranks of the Philadelphia Eagles that authorized a hatchet job against their starting quarterbacks. Not just your [Kevin Patullo]s, not just the guys that used to work there... There's some guys inside those walls that gave the go ahead and the green light to run a clear hit piece against the guy.

Kirk Cousins and Fernando Mendoza will be best friends on the Raiders

I can't think of a better pairing than Kirk Cousins and Fernando Mendoza... they're gonna be best friends. They're just like brothers. They're the same guy.

The NFL has a 'pretty boy' coaching problem where everyone looks like Sean McVay

The McVay tree has made offensive football fantastic in the NFL, but it's also made a bunch of pretty boys who all wear the same shade of blue. And thank God Mike McCarthy, Big Mike, is back because we needed someone like that, an old school football guy who forgot to button one of his buttons. But this is what the new NFL is: pretty boys.

Joe Brady looks like the guy in high school who sells you a shitty bag of weed

I said in my blog, Joe Brady looks like a guy who, the first guy in high school who buys a white Jetta and is gonna sell you a shitty bag of weed.

Puka Nacua's lawyer is the worst in America for admitting the bite occurred

Puka has hired an attorney who dismissed the conduct as horseplay, but admitted that the bite occurred. It left a temporary mark. So this is not a good lawyer. My problem is, is Puka Nacua has hired the worst lawyer in America to defend him against the biting allegations. Your lawyer should never step in front of a camera and say, 'yes, he did the shit.'

NFL players should not be confident in their union representation with JC Tretter as NFLPA head

He's a moron. So it looks like Roger Goodell now has his doofus set up as they go into the next CBA. If I was an NFL player, I would not be too confident about my representation right now.

The Broncos should go all in and try to win now with Bo Nix on a rookie deal

I kinda like this for the Broncos just being like, hey, we have, we have Bo Nix right now under a rookie deal. Bo Nix is a good quarterback. ... take the window and try to win. Right now.

The NFL is in danger of losing its 'special' status by playing on every night of the week

The NFL's getting into a little bit of dangerous spot where part of the reason why we love the NFL is the scarcity. Sunday should be sacred. I don't want them to ruin Sunday. You might take away the thing that makes you special, and that's that Sunday is a special thing and you only get 18 of them. Just be careful, NFL. I love you to death, but just be careful.

The Ravens are using a physical loophole to back out of the Maxx Crosby trade

I'm calling bullshit on all this. It does feel like something's fishy here. And maybe it's just the Ravens using the loophole of, hey, we can see, we can trade for Maxx Crosby, see how the rest of free agency plays out, knowing that this stupid legal tampering and then official free agency, there's a two day gap and then just figure it out later.

The Ravens are using Maxx Crosby's failed physical as a convenient excuse to back out of the trade

Either one, [the Ravens] really trust the doctor to believe them on that or two, it's bullshit and it's made up and they're secretly planning a different move and they're using the physical as an excuse to get out of it.

The Raiders' short statement indicates Mark Davis is furious about the rescinded trade

The statement that the Raiders put out said a lot, which is just like 'they backed out of the trade. We have no further comment.' That to me sounds like a pissed off Mark Davis.

The NFL needs a 'no-backsies' rule for players who post elaborate social media goodbye videos

If you post a 13 minute goodbye video on social media like Maxx Crosby did, that should just be trade final. You can't come back on that... I actually am rooting for Maxx Crosby to be on the Raiders now because that will be so awkward and funny.

Tua Tagovailoa will never be more than a check-down quarterback with no deep ball

I don't think that Tua can throw the ball downfield at all. But he can do swing passes to Bijan [Robinson] and that's pretty much what they're gonna ask him to do there. I think what we saw from Tua is what we're gonna get.

The Ravens are abandoning their draft-and-develop philosophy because they've drafted poorly lately

The Ravens feel like the team for however long, I mean, pretty much their entire history, it's like what they do is they draft really well. They don't have to do these type of moves. And then they do this move... maybe the Ravens haven't drafted as well recently. So now they do have to join everyone else and be these guys.

The Cowboys 'monitoring' every situation is just a facade for doing nothing

Thoughts and prayers to the Dallas Cowboys who are now leading the NFL in number of guys that they're monitoring... they've been monitoring every situation. So they were monitoring the Crosby situation extremely closely. And they're very disappointed that they did not get Maxx Crosby, despite the fact that they're monitoring.

Kyler Murray's next team will reveal whether he actually cares about football

I think where Kyler decides to go is going to be very interesting. Yeah. Because no, no matter where he goes, I think we'll be able to say some very definitive statements about Kyler that might, might be wrong, but we'll definitely say them. If he goes to the Jets, it's like, oh, Kyler wanted to take a paycheck. Right. And he still doesn't care about football. Right.

The Chiefs-Rams Trent McDuffy trade is the first true win-win trade in NFL history

I think the only win-win trade in the history of the NFL might be the McDuffy trade. The one that just happened. Where the the Chiefs traded McDuffy to the Rams. The Rams don't give a fuck about first round picks. They got a great player and they still have their better first round pick from the Falcons. That to me is the first win-win trade in the history of the NFL.

The Rams have proven that first-round draft picks outside of the top 10 don't matter

Are the Rams doing it correctly? Not that draft picks don't matter. Draft picks outside of the top 10 don't matter as much... instead of taking risks on a bunch of 21 year olds, let's get the known commodity knowing it's a crapshoot and just keep punting that down the line being like, we don't care.

Malik Willis is the #1 free agent backup quarterback

Top quarterback free agents... Is it also Malik Willis? Malik Willis is, yes. So he's number one. Malik Willis one.

Max Crosby would instantly make the Bears a really good defense

I would be pumped if it was [Max Crosby] to the Bears, I'd be very, very pumped. Yeah. He's amazing. Really, really good at football and would be instantly make the Bears a really, really good defense.

Drew Dalman's retirement is a massive blow to the Bears' offensive line

The first instant reaction was fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Then you have to be a human about it and realize like, hey, the guy's able to walk away while he still feels healthy. That's awesome for Drew Dalman. And then it's right back to fuck, fuck, fuck. Because... the offensive line was a significant strength... and now they go into the draft and it's like, fuck.

The guy in charge of measuring arm lengths at the NFL Combine is bad at his job.

There's a big story that's brewing under wraps at the combine... the guy that measures arm length at the combines is not good at measuring arm length. This is going to be two years in a row where the arm length that's measured at the combine does not add up to what happens at the individual workouts or the guy's pro days. He's got a short measurement.

It is literal torture that the Steelers locker room only has five bathroom stalls for the whole team.

The Steelers locker room only has five bathroom stalls for the entire team. That's egregious. That's insane. Five bathroom stalls for 53 large men that have to take shits all the time. That's actually torture. Your favorite player is oftentimes awkwardly trying to like silence his shit, which no man should have to do. Sucks.

JJ McCarthy should want to play for Kevin O'Connell in Minnesota

JJ McCarthy should want to play for Kevin O'Connell. He should do like the Chet Powers thing and just disguise himself as somebody else and then be like, 'Hey, can you fix me Kevin O'Connell?'

Great defense will usually beat great offense

I feel like all—there's a lot of like Super Bowls and big games in the past where I feel like the defense... I feel like the defenses have probably won more. [Great defense is gonna beat great offense].

The NFL conditioning test for linemen is a joke now.

I think the lineman test is way easier now. It's like a joke. It's only the skill guys [that are hard], but the lineman ones is a joke. Now's not the time to like lower your standard.

Arm length doesn't matter for a tackle as long as the quarterback doesn't have tiny hands

Arm length doesn't always dictate everything. If you have a guy that's got short arms that's playing tackle, it's not the end of the world unless maybe you also have a quarterback with tiny hands, in which case it's like synergy factors. Right. Where if the guy with short arms can't block the guy and then the guy with tiny hands gets hit, more likely to fumble.

Tua Tagovailoa's market value is non-existent relative to his contract

Everything's on the table for the Dolphins. Tua could be a fullback. What would you... What do you think the Dolphins would say yes to for a trade for Tua? Like a sixth round pick for Tua? A jugs machine? I don't know what the hell would Tua's market be?

Trent Williams is the rare offensive lineman who is actually fun to watch play

Trent Williams is a joy to have on your team. He's just a fucking bully. He's also the rare offensive lineman where you have fun watching him play. Like after the ball was snapped, my eyes would just go to Trent Williams because it's like this guy, we might throw an interception, but Trent Williams might punch a guy in the throat.

The UFL's three-point conversion and no punting rules are too gimmicky

The UFL just unveiled their rules today. A little bit gimmicky. They're doing a four point field goal for long field goals. You're not allowed to punt inside the 50 yard line. And then they've got one, two, and three point conversions. I don't like the banning of punting inside the 50. Field goals are worth three points. We don't want more field goals.

In 20 years, everyone will regret the decision to put every NFL stadium indoors

I firmly have, have come around to the idea that in 20 years from now, we are all going to regret the fact that we put every single stadium indoors.

Jets owner Woody Johnson is a failure who needs to go

Woody Johnson just, you know, he's gotta go... He's in the [Epstein] files. Yeah, he's in them... Everything they do is lose so you gotta take stuff away.

My touchdown against the Lions was the best play of the NFL season

It was the best play of the year. NFL Honor, you should definitely acknowledge that... I turned around, I gave him a little do, do, you know what I'm saying? That little one, two, I put 'em in the dirt and I finished. Put a nice skin roll.

Devon Witherspoon is one of the best defensive players in the NFL

One person that a lot of people not going to talk about, but I feel like he's like low key. One of the best defensive players in the league is Devon Witherspoon. Spoon is, he is the heart and soul of that Seattle Seahawks defense. Like he is coordinating everything back there. He doesn't miss tackles, he makes plays on the ball. Like he is a true football player out there, man. And he definitely deserves a nine nine on defense [in Madden].

Dungeons and Dragons would be an effective team-building tool for pro sports teams

I would like to see Timm Woods go into like a professional sports locker room and run a D&D thing as a team building thing.

The NFL off-season is a myth because football guys never stop grinding

Football season might be over, but you know how it goes... free agency, the draft, who's getting paid, who's grinding? 'Cause for football guys, there is no off season.

The Patriots are built for a long-term fight for the future

I'm excited going forward. Like I, I have never been, you know, I'm bought into this Patriots team. I'm excited for the future... knowing that there is the community of Patriots fans where it's like... going forward, we're, we're ready to fight. We're ready to keep fighting.

Seahawks coach Mike Macdonald is an absolute psycho in the best way possible

I'm obsessed with Mike Macdonald now... He is an absolute psycho. I saw two things that were like, holy fuck, this guy's a psycho... after he won the Super Bowl, he was lamenting that the season was over... And then two... [when a player sprained an ankle] he was like, 'good, good. Like adversity good.'

I am done with all international NFL games because the Bad Bunny halftime show was so bad

The halftime performance was bad. I don't obviously really care about the halftime performance... I hope they never do international games [again]. That was the thing that turned [me].

Tom Brady is a competitive psycho who doesn't want anyone to ever win another Super Bowl again.

There's also a world that Tom Brady's such a competitive psycho. He just doesn't want anyone to ever win another Super Bowl again... He wants to win all the Super Bowls that have ever existed. So he's like, I'm not in it, [so I don't care].

Josh McDaniels will use a gadget play trick in the Super Bowl

McDaniels is gonna have something ready. He's gonna have some new trick that he hasn't done before. Oh yeah. He's gonna have a gadget play that we haven't seen. And they, it's about when they break it out and if they're able to execute on that, that could be huge obviously for the Patriots.

The 49ers would have beaten the Seahawks if they were healthy

At the end of the day, man, you need your horses when you're going up against the guys who have their best players. To not have me and Bosa on defense... the times that we have been healthy, man, we've been in that game down the street [Super Bowl] and have had a chance to win them.

The key to stopping the Seahawks' offense is stopping the run first to make Sam Darnold one-dimensional.

For most any game plan that we have, man, it's always trying to stop the run first and make them one dimensional. 'Cause if they, if you can force 'em into a game where they're having to pass the ball, then you can now start manipulating... But if they can run the ball... that opened up the pass game through running the football... So you have to be able to stop the run and make them one dimensional.

The standard for the San Francisco 49ers is that anything less than a Super Bowl victory is not enough.

The goal is always to win the Super Bowl. And that's just been what it is since I've gotten here... that building has them trophies in the case right there... this is our standard. This is what it is. If you don't get this then it's not enough.

Sam Darnold is the calmest quarterback in the NFL and doesn't let high-pressure moments bother him.

Sam Darnold is like so calm and doesn't let things bother him... Every day you have a pulse, like, are you okay? ... and he just gets in the huddle, call the play... he's a dude again, a guy you want to follow... also happens to have an absolute rocket of an arm too.

I would literally die for Cooper Kupp.

That's like my freaking stepfather... Cooper Kupp... I would die for Cooper Kupp.

NFL referees are too focused on physical fitness and should spend more time in the lab

Here's my problem with refs. They've gotten too focused on physical fitness recently. We used to have one jacked ref that was Ed Hochuli. All these other guys are like, I wanna have big arms too. They need to be in the lab, not in the gym.

Bill Belichick not being a first-ballot Hall of Famer is an embarrassment

Bill Belichick not making into the Hall of Fame first ballot... It's an embarrassment. This is based on your career and your accolades and what you've done. This isn't a personality contest.

The Arizona Cardinals head coaching job is a bad one to take

Obviously you take a job if it's offered to you, but that seems like a not great job to take. Because it's a, well, number one, it's the Cardinals. Number two, they don't really have a plan at quarterback at all. Number three, every other coach in your division rocks.

NFL teams are essentially 'guessing' when it comes to head coaching hires

Well, I mean, all these hires, you're basically just guessing. Yeah. I mean, you know, a lot of them, there's some that you're like, okay, that should work. But there's also times when it should work and it doesn't work and the opposite happens.