Takes

Caleb Williams has good judgment for realizing the previous Bears coaching staff were 'morons'

I was wrong for thinking that Caleb Williams always wanted to be a bear, but I was right that Caleb Williams is the guy because he knew better than anyone that Shane Waldron and Matt Eberflus were fucking morons. Like he has good judgment.

The Boston Celtics are statistically a better team without Jason Tatum

the Celtics record overall is 74%, but they're 80% without Jason Tatum. That leads me to believe that just by the numbers. And we are a Numbers podcast... they are literally better this year without Jason Tatum.

The NFL has ruined the fun of the schedule release by leaking too many games early

I feel very confident in remaining with my take that they completely have ruined the fun of the NF NFL Schedule Release because... I knew the entire bear schedule at like noon on Wednesday.

The NFL should never allow division games to be played internationally

I think it is absolutely bullshit to have any division game played international... That is so stupid.

An NFL Draft Lottery would be a 'stupid, bad idea' that hurts the truly struggling teams

Mike Greenberg's dumb rules... Greenie yesterday... saying lottery to implement a draft lottery for, for the NFL... I don't think it's a good idea... it would be terrible for the NFL... it would suck for the teams that are actually terrible that don't have a quarterback.

The NBA Draft Lottery is rigged despite the league's attempts to prove otherwise

I think the media is now welcome at the draft lottery because he used to see it behind the scenes... he was laying it on thick. He was doing a lot of unrigable talk... if it was rigged, this is exactly how they would've rigged it. Exactly how they'd rig it. Exactly... you can pick and choose Max... that shit's fucking rigged and I fucking hate it and there should be an investigation.

Installing a soft serve ice cream machine in the office is a life-changing move

I reassessed my life and I realized that a life without constant access to soft serve ice cream is not a life I want to live anymore... I trade [shooting a diamond out of my dick] in a heartbeat. I mean a soft serve machine. It's like a, it's a gold mine. It's a dream of mine. It's the best. I love soft serve ice cream. It's so good. And it's good for you.

The NFL has ruined the schedule release by leaking too many individual games

I'm so sick of this fucking schedule release week. It sucks. It fucking sucks. Give me the whole schedule. Stop giving me a piece of a game here and there... They've completely ruined something that was kind of fun. And now it's just become, 'cause now I'm piecing it all together... Just gimme the whole schedule. They've completely ruined something that was kind of fun.

I'd give my own Achilles to Jayson Tatum to heal him

I'd give him my Achilles. [I'd do it] for the city. Believe in Boston. Yeah. That's... I just want to beat New York. That's really where in my mind [I am].

Men should not be sedated when getting a tattoo

I have a take. And that's if you get sedated for, you shouldn't get sedated for a tattoo as a man... I would never get sedated for a tattoo.

Madison Square Garden is the most overrated venue in sports

The garden is the most overrated venue in sports.

Running a marathon in six hours does not count as finishing a marathon.

People do run marathons in like six hours and then they, and they, and then they post on Instagram... No you didn't. Six hour marathon is not doing it.

Jayson Tatum is not a superstar

Jason Tatum is not a superstar... He didn't play on the Olympic team. He didn't play.

There are only four true superstars in the NBA: Jokic, Giannis, Luka, and the aging veterans

I have like four superstars in the whole league... so it's Jokic, it's Giannis, it's Luka, and then it's, there's like the aging group of superstars that's like Steph, LeBron, KD. It's not much. I don't go Superstar to me is if you said their name like to your mom or someone on the street, they would immediately be like, yeah, of course I know who that is.

Joel Embiid and Jayson Tatum are essentially the same playoff player.

Embiid and Tatum are the same player. Their fourth quarter numbers are exactly the same. Their offensive rating is exactly the same... They're the same playoff player.

LeBron James should take significantly less money to win another championship ring

If it were me, I would say I will take significantly less, as less as it helps basically to make sure that we get other people in here who can help us win. Because here's the thing, you can't buy a championship ring after you retire all that money... He's not gonna feel any difference in his life.

It feels like the Thunder are effectively up 3-1 in their series against the Nuggets.

That [Nuggets Thunder series] to me feels like it's... it feels like three One thunder right now.

The Falcons might trade Kirk Cousins to the Saints because they aren't scared of him hurting them as an opponent.

There could be a chance that that phone gets picked up [by the Saints] 'cause [the Falcons] are like, 'Hey, he's not gonna hurt us.'

The Rockies firing Bud Black won't change anything because owner Dick Monfort is the real problem.

The Rockies fired Bud Black... the owner, Dick Monfort, being like, 'we're all trying to find out how this happened.' It's you, dude. You're the piece of shit.

The Lakers will have to trade Austin Reaves if they want the high-level players needed to surround LeBron James with a contender.

They're gonna have to trade Austin Reaves if they want the level of guys around [LeBron James] that they need. Because right now, [opponents] get to choose which one you go through because they don't defend at the level that you need.

Never trade for a wide receiver from Mike Tomlin

Never trade for wide receiver from Mike Tomlin because Mike Tomlin is trading his wide receiver for a reason. And that means that Mike Tomlin is done with his wide receiver and he doesn't want him anymore. And you can go back. Deontay Johnson, chase Claypool, Antonio Brown... Mike Tomlin when he's like, I'm done with the, with, with, with the wide receiver. That's, it's over, it's damaged goods.

The Thunder are 'up' in their series against the Nuggets despite being tied 1-1

I still think it's gonna be a very good series. But this was the thunder we all expected as the one seed... I think the Thunder's up in the series one-to-one.

Derrick White needs to stop shooting so many three-pointers and focus on defense

Derrick White raising his hand like, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on guy, you got paid for defense, play defense. Right? You're not gonna be chucking 10 threes up. And that's what end up happening in this new analytic where they're trying to fill all these three point quotas.

Jalen Brunson is the closest player to the real 'Mamba Mentality' in the NBA

He's the closest thing we have to Mamba mentality, the real Mamba mentality... That killer mentality that wants to take over the world. That's what Brunson has in the last five minutes.

Nikola Jokic is the worst three-time MVP in the last 40 years

If he wins the next one, he'll be the worst three time MVP in the last 40 years. Right. Because it was like... those five were in that timeframe as Magic, Bird, Jordan, LeBron, and Jokic at that time. He's gonna rank fifth.

Nikola Jokic is a better player than Bill Russell

[Big Cat] Is Jokic better than Bill Russell? [Gilbert Arenas] Yeah.

Jayson Tatum has officially replaced Joel Embiid as the worst playoff superstar in the Eastern Conference

I guess that a super embarrassing that Jason Tatum has now taken the crown of the worst playoff performer in the Eastern Conference... Joel Embiid for a long time was known as the worst Eastern Conference superstar to play in the playoffs. And Jason Tatum simply has worst playoff stats than Joel Embiid. And that's a fact.

Jayson Tatum was carried to his championship and would be a loser on any other organization

Jason Tatum would also be a loser if he wasn't playing for the Celtics... He played horribly in that championship and was carried by the rest of his team.

If Steph Curry wins FMVP with a torn hamstring, he is ahead of LeBron James

If Steph Curry wins NBA finals, MVP by the way, with a, a torn hamstring. He has a, a torn hamstring I think... You gotta put him ahead of LeBron.

The Thunder lose their home court advantage by wearing dark t-shirts that don't pop on TV

You're taking away your t-shirt advantage when you wear a dark muted color. Like was it navy blue or was it, was it black? It was a very dark color and it didn't pop. Usually you get either the white or the blue... and you know that it's a t-shirt game. I didn't even know it was a t-shirt game at first.

Caleb Williams being seen with supermodels makes him a QB1 over Jaden Daniels

Caleb Williams was in Miami and he got out of a car at a restaurant with three different like supermodels. Hell yeah. That's that's that's a QB one you want. Yeah. That's QB one actually. That's Aura. Not a helicopter mom. 24-year-old.

Jokic is the most skilled big man we have ever seen

He's the most skilled player in the world. He does everything at a very high level... the best floater in the league, but he is also an incredible jump shooter. And that's not even a strength. So long story short, he's just the most skilled big man we've ever seen.

Luka Doncic is too fat for the NBA and it limits him on defense

He's slow on defense. He's slow to the basketball and then yeah, he looks like he's overweight... it's fair to say it's limiting him, particularly on the defensive end of the court and at the end of games.

James Harden stops playing in big games because he simply doesn't want to work anymore

I don't think it's necessarily even an insult to say that to him. Because I, I actually believe that James Harden is like, I don't wanna work anymore. I'm, I'm gonna get paid essentially the same if I, if I get eliminated now or if I get eliminated in two weeks... He doesn't really have any upside besides the glory of winning, which I don't think he necessarily cares that much about.

The 2012 Thunder only reached the Finals because James Harden was their sixth man

[Harden] was the sixth man on that team though, wasn't he? Yeah. So it wasn't like they were counting on him for anything. No, that's that's why they were able to get the finals.

I wouldn't be worried about the Knicks even if the Celtics go down 0-2

Not worried about the Knicks. Even if we lose, I'll say it right now. If somehow we lose game one, we could lose two games and I wouldn't be worried. [Down 0-2?] Still not worried. I'll say it.

The Rock is the best movie ever made

The Rock is Back. And if you haven't seen The Rock it may, it might be the best movie ever made... It is the perfect movie. It's got everything. Sean Connery, Nick Cage, prisons, terrorists.

Abdul Carter is a loser for trying to take the retired numbers of Lawrence Taylor and Phil Simms

Is Abdul Carter a loser? I it's very weird. A weird tumble guy of all time... to on day one, go into your new company and be like, I want the numbers of the two most famous guys that everybody loves. Lawrence Taylor... then he's like, all right, how about Phil Simms? No, pick your own number man.

LeBron James only releases post-elimination injury reports to build a protective narrative for his legacy

With LeBron it's interesting because the, the whole like you know, build, building in your narrative. Your excuse after the fact. It's something he's done a couple times... but he always has to remind us that he's injured always. And to not play a hypothetical game, it was just so extra to be like, if game six had happened tonight, yeah. He would not be playing.

Jamie Benn is the player who deserves a Stanley Cup more than anyone else in the league

Number one, Jamie Benn. That's kind, that's kind of my, my player right now. Who doesn't have one that, that I feel like, God, that guy deserves one. He's, I mean, I think, 16 years in 17... a warrior, a beast, a true captain, a leader, and he is done it like teammates love him. He's done it for so long that if Dallas were to get one, that's kind of my guy.

Dallas is the best warm-weather hockey town in North America

I think Dallas... those playoff games. It's crazy that arena gets loud, sneaky La Kings are, are awesome... but LA and Dallas kind of stick out and the, the, the Panthers fans have come on here. They, they've made these games a complete party.

I'm excited for the Celtics to beat the Knicks because New York fans never win anything and are too loud

New York fans are the loudest fans and never win anything and it's just fun to shut 'em up. I'm excited to beat New York.

Despite losing to the Knicks, the Pistons have a very bright future because Cade Cunningham proved he is a playoff-level star

The Pistons have a very bright future because Cade Cunningham stepped up, stepped up like that level playoff series, young team getting their first taste of it. It sucks to hear, but the Pistons have a very bright future.

Mavs GM Nico Harrison was right about Luka Doncic being out of shape and a defensive liability

Nico Harrison's a fuckhead. But was he kind of right? Everything that Nico Harrison was standing on—Luca being outta shape, defensive liability—did kind of come into play in this game. I still would rather have Luca on my team. But it was for one night, Nico Harrison went to sleep happy.

If I were the Rockets, I would give Fred VanVleet the ball for the final shot over Jalen Green

I think I'd give it to Fred [VanVleet]. Or I might just give it to Dylan Brooks and just be like, this is gonna be funny. The real answer would probably be Fred.

Draymond Green is special because he brings a fearlessness and energy that goes beyond stats

What Draymond [Green] brings to the team is so much more than just what you see on a stat line. It's so much more than just the surface. You know, he's the one who's bringing the energy and making sure that everybody's ready to go. Steph [Curry] can be Steph. Nobody's fucking Steph up because Draymond is gonna be right there putting you in a choke hold if you try.

The European basketball development system is superior to the US AAU system

Great development system out there [in France]... They coach it as a team sport. It's not the superstar thing. And if you have a shot to be an NBA prospect, you have like the top French general managers coming to your house... For the development of the game, there needs to be a change [in the US].

Tobias Harris is a pussy

Tobias Harris is a pussy. The amount of people that are pussies that can't play in Philadelphia is disgusting.

Tom Thibodeau is an idiot for his clock management in the Pistons loss

I think Tibs is an idiot. He should have called the time out... You have to fucking get those guys in the game. You can't let a minute and a half go by with both those guys standing and watching at the scorers table.

Remote sports broadcasting for playoff games should be abolished

Abolishing in studio broadcasters. Celtics had it tonight. The two guys were not in the garden... It sounded like a dead arena... that just needs to not be a thing. I dunno how much money it saves. It's good for golf. It's bad for real sports.