Takes

Tim Boyle should not be in the NFL

What the fuck is Tim Boyle? Why is Tim Boyle in the NFL? ... He wasn't even good at UConn. He actually sucked at UConn. And then he transferred to Eastern Kentucky and had a breakout season his senior year where he threw for 11 touchdowns and 13 interceptions. After sucking at UConn, he sucked at Eastern Kentucky, and now we've just agreed that he's going to be an NFL quarterback?

LeBron James got off easy with a one-game suspension for punching Isaiah Stewart

LeBron James basically owns the NFL [sic], which we already knew, but the fact that he got suspended one game for assault is fucking ridiculous... He looked him dead in the eye and then punched him in the face. Like if you watched the replay, he knew exactly what he was doing.

Jim Harbaugh will not work with you if he thinks you are a pussy

Coach Harbaugh was a badass, man... If you're a pussy, he's not fucking with you. You got to be good at sports. If you're not good at sports, he don't want to hear nothing from you.

Sean Taylor was the best all-around football player I have ever been around

Sean probably one of the best football players I've ever been around, man. I'm being real, bro. Like, Sean could play any position on the football field. Like running back, receiver, linebacker, safety, corner. Anything you put him, he going to be fucking real good at it.

I am a full-on Tua Tagovailoa believer now

I'm a full on to a believer now I've been gaslit to just being like this guy rules... I'm now to the two of fans. I don't know if we're going to build, finish this podcast. The two fans are, this is major issues.

Breaking your ribs feels the same as being shot

You know, Rob Gronkowski is stealing more valor. He said that when he broke his ribs, he's never been shot before. But when he broke his ribs, he thought it was like how it feels to get shot.

I want to see Mac Jones face some adversity to see if he is truly the guy

I want to see him [Mac Jones] face some adversity, see how he does with that... I want to see something go wrong. And I want to see the man he is in an adverse situation. Like that's when you see your best leaders, that's when you know the Tom Bradys. Everything looks great right now. He's looking like a really good quarterback. He's taking in the offense. He plays on time.

A truly tough football team can run the ball, stop the run, and cover kicks

This is what defines a tough football team. A physically tough football team, from what I was taught from some guy named Bill [Belichick], a tough football team can run the ball, can stop the run and can cover kicks. What teams do that the best? Baltimore, Patriots, Tennessee.

The name change from Staples Center to Crypto.com Arena is disgusting

My system is the Los Angeles Lakers. Oh, they've destroyed their brand by changing their iconic name, the staple center to the crypto center. It's just a terrible idea. And I just think that staple center was such a great and original name. And the fact that they changed it to a corporation is disgusting.

Sleeping is the most dangerous thing you can do once you hit your mid-30s

I actually think that sleeping is the most dangerous thing that we do once we hit our mid thirties. [In response to dislocating shoulder in sleep] I woke up and my shoulder was literally out of its socket and I had to pull it back into its socket.

The Rams are a basketball team playing football

The Los Angeles Rams are like a basketball team playing football... They're soft. They're a basketball team playing football. We know all their names and they'll be... like it's fantasy football.

LeBron James is an absolute fraud for how he handled the Alex Caruso departure

Last night was a perfect encapsulation of how LeBron is just an absolute fraud. The story came out that the Lakers basically asked Caruso to take less money... LeBron is the GM. Everyone knows this... then it's all over him hugging them on social media like 'love you bro'.

Mac Jones is the Grayson Allen of the NFL

Mac Jones is sort of gotten the, some people are calling them the Grayson Allen of the NFL... Because he's a tripper.

Pitt's bad home field turf is a competitive advantage

I think the field is an advantage. I think teams come in, I always watch them in warm ups, walk every inch of the field... it's just not a great surface and you just gotta play... I think it definitely gets in their heads.

Falling asleep after masturbating in a hotel room is the best feeling ever

Falling asleep after jacking off in a hotel room is maybe the best feeling ever... Most middle-aged men would look at that as the best vacation.

Antonio Brown is the most important player on the Buccaneers

I think officially we have to say it's Antonio Brown... The Bucs are five and O with Antonio Brown and they're one and three without him. He is the difference maker for Tom Brady and how he wants to run an offense and the security blanket and the guy he trusts the most.

Vegans have nothing to look forward to in life

Vegans gross. Like what do you do? What do you look forward to? Bread? Ice cream? If you're a vegan, tell me what you look forward to? The day you die and you get the sweet release of this hellhole of a life.

Lamar Jackson is taking the step to elite quarterbacking

[Lamar Jackson] was the first part of his career, the first three seasons of his career, 0-6, went down double digits in the second half. What is he, 4-0 this year? Coming back from down double digits, he can do it all. He is taking the step to, dare I say it, elite quarterbacking.

Cam Newton is the best college football player of all time

Cam Newton getting cut by the Patriots and then playing this entire season for Auburn would have been electric. Yeah, he's the best college football player of all time. Cam Newton's Auburn team, he was doing it himself... the offense stunk out loud.

Hollywood actors in Marvel movies use a 'Marvel doctor' for HGH

I want to be in [a Marvel movie] just so I can meet their 'doctor feel good'. I want an excuse to have Elvis' bag man come in and hook me up. Because my man, Kumail Nanjiani... I see him in Eternals. And I'm like, 'whatever's going on, I want some of that.'

The NFL covered up Aaron Rodgers ignoring COVID protocols for ratings

I'm pretty sure that the NFL, according to their own rules, should have suspended Aaron Rodgers. Should have fined him. And they're covering up the fact that he just ignored all the protocols because he's Aaron Rodgers and the rules don't apply to him. And they're like, 'You know what? We could have Aaron Rodgers sit out for multiple weeks, but I really like ratings.'

Justin Fields is the real deal

I've never walked out of a game, out of a loss, happier because Justin Fields is the real deal. That's all I took away from that game.

Cassius Marsh is the funniest player in the NFL

That guy, he cracks me up. He's the funniest player in the NFL. He's not very good, but he stands out so much. He looks like Cole Beasley if he was a Ninja Turtle.

Never mess with a family from the former Yugoslavia

As a general rule of thumb, don't fuck with any family from the former Yugoslavia. It's great just because it's taking this... Yeah, they're like if the Ryan twins were in the movie Taken.

Liverpool is currently the best soccer team in the world

It's great just being able to walk around saying we are the best team in the world... Because we are... at the minute, the best team in the world. And it's fucking great to watch, lad.

Mo Salah is the best player in the world right now

And we've got the best player in the world at the minute in Mohamed Salah.

Lionel Messi has more God-given talent than Cristiano Ronaldo

Messi... Ronaldo's man-made, where Messi's God-given talent... Like Ronaldo's work for everything himself, where Messi was just given that talent, where when he's got that ball at his feet, it's like it's super glued to it.

Ariel Helwani is a pussy and a crybaby victim

He's just one of those fucking, he's a pussy, and he's a fucking, just a big fucking crybaby victim... We have the toughest sport in the world being covered by the biggest pussies in the world.

The CAA banning James Madison from postseason tournaments is total fraud

The Colonial Athletic Association is a bunch of frauds, and they banned James Madison University from their postseason tournaments because JMU is leaving to go to the Sun Belt... they're taking the monetary thing out on the students that are there. It's bullshit.

The Astros should blow up the train tracks at Minute Maid Park

If you're the Houston Astros, you have to blow up that train station. You have to blow up those tracks because there have been so many iconic home runs that have found their way onto or through those train tracks in the history of your franchise in the biggest possible moments that you've had. You've got to blow that fucking thing up.

Mitch Trubisky would win too many games for the Washington Football Team

The football team, we don't need to win any more games. At this point, he [Trubisky] would win us too many games, and then we would not be able to draft another quarterback. So it's pretty depressing to think about where I am as a fan, that I was over the moon thinking about that possibility.

The ACC should not be a Power 5 conference in football when Clemson is bad

The ACC is so down, they don't have wins against ranked teams. I don't think the ACC should be a Power 5 conference in football. When Clemson's bad, it hurts. I really don't. It hurts.

Never trust anyone who owns a monkey or a snake as a pet

Never trust anyone who owns a monkey or a snake as a pet. They're not trustworthy... A monkey is just, it's basically you buy a monkey, it sits in your house, and it's just you set the timer for when it decides it wants to rip your face off. That's all it is.

I would rather be on 'Team Brooksy' than Bryson DeChambeau

Oh, my gosh, man. Brooksy all day... because Brooks puts on this thing where he thinks he's a Superman, but he is such a teddy bear behind the scenes. Yes, he is. He's a beautiful man.

Almost having sex is better than actually having sex

I am a long-standing believer that almost fucking is better than fucking. Because you can go home, and one, you didn't cheat... Two, you can go home and get the late-night piece of pizza and be like, man, I would have fucked. And it would have been awesome. Still got it.

The Cowboys are good enough to overcome an injury to anyone on the team except for Kellen Moore

I think what tonight proved is that the Cowboys are good enough to overcome an injury to anyone on the team, except for maybe Kellen Moore.

Kyler Murray is a soft football player

The story out of Glendale tonight, I think is that Kyler Murray is soft. This is soft football player. I haven't heard anybody drop the S bomb on him. I think he gets a lot of leniency because he's a short king. And I actually just think that he's a little bit soft.

The movie 'Cars 3' is better than the original 'Cars'

I'm starting to think cars three might be better than cars one. Cars two is trash. I've watched way too many cars.

The Malice at the Palace was started by the fans, not the players

Ben Wallace had nothing to do with the malice in the palace. You know what I'm saying? Ben Wallace had that happens all the time where a player fights a player, the fans started the Malice in the Palace... I wasn't okay with taking the full blame, you know, I, I wasn't okay with that.

Michael Jordan was the toughest player I ever defended

If I go on order of the toughest guys I've defended, and this is going to put, this is going to answer your question. The obvious would be first like Michael Jordan was the hardest guy. I haven't seen defended then as a tie between Kobe and LeBron, and then next would be Richard Hamilton.

Richard Hamilton was an exceptionally difficult defender assignment because he never stopped running

Richard Hamilton was hard because all he's doing is running the whole time. So I'm not a shooting guard, but I often guard the best players whoever's doing work... rip Hamilton, all he doing is running the whole time. And that's extremely tiring... He separates so well once at the point of the screen, he's gone. And it's so hard to keep up with.

Coming back from a meniscus tear in five days was the dumbest mistake of my career

I tear my meniscus takes about six weeks to come back... I come back in five days... dumbest, dumbest mistake of my life in terms of my career came back too early. I didn't hurt myself, but I was receiving a lot of fluid in my knee. So I had to keep draining the fluid.

I would have been an elite wide receiver in the NFL

When they approach every brass, I was like, nah, I'm good... I am trying to get my knees blown out or anything. [But] I would still be fast, you know? So it's just running around the apartment, but still smoke anybody.

Cristiano Ronaldo is the greatest soccer player of all time

Who is your goat in soccer? [Bolt]: Cristiano Ronaldo... from my experience from very far... Madrid, plus I know Manchester... Tom Brady proved to the world he's the one. Ronaldo proved he's the one.

Marshawn Lynch should be hired to be disappointed at shitty NFL games for the rest of the season

I would just like to watch beast mode be disappointed at shitty games for the rest of the season. Just watch and be like, what the fuck are they doing out there?

Peyton Manning essentially admitted to cheating by doctoring footballs on the ManningCast

Peyton Manning starts going off this rant about how the ball boys in Indianapolis use the special sauce and they did all these tricks of the trade and did all this shit with the ball... and it's just crickets. Why not have that conversation when Brady is on the air... and Peyton is just like, yeah, we had our special sauce.

Hard work is not punishment, it is the solution to losing

Hard work is not a form of punishment, but a lot of kids think it is. That's your job as a coach to teach them it is not. It's a solution. It's the way you get there. There's no correlation between working less and getting better.

Winning is not complicated; people are the ones who complicate it

I've said this many times and I've had an opportunity to prove it: winning is not complicated. People complicate it.

I refuse to quit Daniel Jones and am backing him for the season

Daniel Jones, by the way, we played very well. I'm backing on Danny dimes. I can't quit him... Anytime I'm backing on him. I am. I am. I don't, I can't quit this fucking guy.

Justin Fields cannot be judged by his performance during the 2021 season

I'm people are gonna tell me he's the worst. I'm going to wait till he has a real coaching staff... I'm going to wait and see, because I have no other option. And if he is not good, then everything's just terrible, terrible, terrible... that this season you can't judge what Justin Fields is doing.