Takes

I am disappointed in Big Cat's flip-flopping on being an anti-vaxxer

I'm a little disappointed in your flip-flopping with anti-vax. [...] If you're going to pick a side, you have to stick to it. [...] What kind of example are you setting for your son without succumbing to peer pressure?

Pretending you were sprayed by a skunk is the ultimate work/school excuse

Saying that you got sprayed by a skunk... if you say 'I got sprayed by a skunk,' nobody will ever question you on that. [...] Skunk it. Free advice. Anybody use it. Never be questioned.

Green Bay is kind of a dump

We went up to Green Bay. Kind of a dump. We talked to Matt LaFleur about coaching Aaron Rodgers. They call it title town for a reason, folks.

Dak Prescott is not worth $40 million per year

I don't think he's worth 40 million dollars. And I think that you probably have to sit down, Dak, and be like, dude, I know that you want this much money, but would you rather this much money or maybe win a Super Bowl with the Dallas Cowboys?

NFL teams should be allowed to give one rookie a monk haircut as team building

I think that you should be allowed to give one rookie a monk. Yes, yes, I agree. That's not hazing, that's team building. That's funny. Big difference. If it's funny, it's not hazing.

Home Depot is the ultimate masculine experience if you don't ask for help

I successfully went to Home Depot and got what I needed without asking anyone. And there's no better feeling in the world. You feel like the manliest man that's ever walked Earth. It took me about 25 minutes to find the wood glue, but I did it.

Chappelle's Show is the greatest TV show of all time

Chappelle's show... Greatest show of all time. Undeniably the number one pick.

I don't think you can put an age on leadership

I don't think you can put any type of age on leadership. I saw Sean [McVay] firsthand and I thought he did as good a job as anybody I've been around in terms of getting the respect and the command from the team.

Bill Simmons genuinely wants to stop the union at The Ringer

There's a part of me that thinks that what Dave was doing part edge stick today is exactly what Bill Simmons wants to do for real. Bill Simmons lucked into this day because holy shit.

The Stone Cold Steve Austin interview is on the Mount Rushmore of PMT interviews

Mount Rushmore. And I'm not even a huge wrestling fan. That was before my time, and I was still loving it.

I think Antonio Brown is actually going crazy and having a mental break

I actually think Antonio Brown is – I think there's something wrong with him. I think that he's, like, going crazy. He's had, like – an actual mental break that doesn't mean that like we can't joke around about the whole helmet saga because that is fucking hilarious but I actually think that there's something wrong with the guy.

The Raiders lost their mystique by refusing to let Antonio Brown wear his old helmet and just paying the fine

In a backwards way, all Raiders mystique has been lost because... if the Raiders were to just give Antonio Brown his old helmet and just pretend that it's not happening, they would possibly get an infraction, a penalty, a fine, whatever it may be. But they won't do that. And guess what? Man card Raiders, the old Raiders, they would just let him wear like a fucked up helmet and be like, guess what? We just want our guy out.

I think Antonio Brown might be on the autism spectrum because of his helmet fixation

Maybe he might be autistic because this is something like seriously. This is something that an autistic person would get very attached to their helmet. Like it's their tool that they use... maybe he's got Asperger's.

The fact that pace of play is only an issue in baseball and golf proves they are the most boring sports

The fact that pace of play is only baseball and golf, like the two most boring sports to watch, tells you a lot about what – like that right there, you should be like, you know what? Let's go speed golf. Because if we're talking about pace of play, it probably means people are taking naps during our games.

You shouldn't be allowed to take three and a half minutes for a putt and then miss it

I'm pretty sure that you're not allowed to take three and a half minutes to line up a putt from eight feet and then miss the putt. If you make the putt, I think people overlook it. But if you miss that putt, then we're going to have an issue.

You shouldn't be allowed to dress in tribute to Payne Stewart and then play slow as fuck like Bryson DeChambeau

You can't dress in tribute to Payne Stewart and then act like this Bryson. Payne Stewart would complete a round of golf faster right now than Bryson DeChambeau.

Regional Little League World Series games are more exciting than the actual World Series in Williamsport

I don't know if this is a hot take or not, but the regional part of it before the actual Little League World Series is almost more exciting because... the America versus America, like Kentucky, Iowa versus Minnesota, those games are electric.

Eating raw cookie dough is worth the risk of salmonella poisoning

Eating raw cookie dough is worth the risk of salmonella poisoning... Dude, who gets salmonella from fucking eggs anyway? That's such bullshit.

Spontaneity and the feeling that anything can happen at any time is lost in today's wrestling product

When you used to watch, you know, back in the Attitude Era... it was a sense of urgency. You felt like anything could happen at any one time. And to me, it's just maybe, I'm not picking on today's product, but I'm just saying the spontaneity is lost. Like that feeling that anything could happen is lost.

If I could go back to WrestleMania 17, I would have hit Vince McMahon with a stunner and maintained my babyface run

If I could call the Audible now, I would have just told him, hey, man, I ain't feeling it... if I could go back, I just said, hey, man, I'm calling an audible, watch the stunner. And then stunned [Vince's] ass and would have maintained my baby face run.

Auburn should have just called the new logo a logo change to sell more merchandise to SEC fans

What they should do is just lean into it and then get all new sales from the new logo. Because if I know something about SEC football, if you slightly tweak the logo, everyone will buy new stuff. They'll buy new stuff before they pay their mortgage, before they get food on the table for their kids. They've got to have the freshest new Auburn logo for the fall.

The Jeffrey Epstein decoy body conspiracy is my preferred theory

I'm going to defer all my conspiracy theories to the band Foster the People... they tweeted out that it's not his body. It's a decoy body. So he's alive probably on a private jet somewhere, and they killed somebody else that looked kind of like him.

Combining Paxton Lynch and Geno Smith would only equal a quarter of Russell Wilson's talent

If you combined Paxton Lynch and Geno Smith's powers, they would be like one quarter of Russell Wilson.

The sound of creasing paper is the worst sound in the world

This is a personal one, but the sound of folding paper, like a crease in folding paper... it's the worst sound in the world.

The Monday Night Football outro is one of the worst sounds in sports

Thank you for watching this presentation of the National Football League on a Monday night. That sucks... you just came off a whole Sunday of football, and then that hits, and you're like, well, no more football for another fucking three days.

The NCAA rule banning 'Horns Down' celebrations is soft

I think it's very soft. They're implementing a rule about it. Yeah. It shows the sensitivity of today's day and age.

Derek Carr is incredibly awkward on Hard Knocks and acts like a robot impersonating a quarterback

Hard Knocks is back. Derek Carr is awkward as fuck... He was like a robot trying to impersonate a quarterback... It's very clear that the message the Raiders are trying to send is Derek Carr is our quarterback.

The 'I'm a dad now' excuse for behavior expires once your child turns one year old

When do you get to stop using 'I'm a dad'? [LeBron] still does. 'I'm a dad now.' I think you can't use it after your kid's like one. 'I'm a dad now' is different than 'I'm a dad.'

Antonio Brown used his kids on Hard Knocks to rehabilitate his public image

Antonio Brown, I forgot about this part. Starting the entire Hard Knocks episode, basically trying to erase the fact that he went crazy for three months and every teammate of his in Pittsburgh hated him by showing us how cute his kids are. They're very cute. And you know what? It worked. It absolutely worked.

Will Smith is the greatest rapper of all time

I would have Will Smith number one. Fuck. And The Rock number two. He was pretty good on that Fuji song. Yes. And then John Cena. It would be majority just professional wrestlers.

Kobe Bryant being ranked 13th for the 2010s decade is fair

There was the all-decades list for the 2010s and Kobe was 13 on it, which I honestly think is like fair... If you're looking at the whole decade, his body of work over the 2010s is not like [first team].

The NFL 100 logo is terrible and looks like it belongs to an expansion league

My hot seat is the NFL 100 logo. I'm already sick of it... It's not that cool of a logo to begin with, but they've put it everywhere so far this year... It looks a little bit like an Expansion League football logo... like the AAF logo if it was designed by somebody with a head wound.

Provolone is the best and most versatile sandwich cheese

I'm going to go with provolone. I love a good provolone on like a turkey sandwich. I think it's the best sandwich cheese. It's the most versatile sandwich cheese. It's not a great cheese on its own, but it's a great [sandwich topper].

Melted cheese is the ultimate cheese hack for any food

Any type of cheese, if you melt it on top of something, makes it instantly better. I will go with melted. Just melted.

You must always order two bagels: one to eat immediately and one for an hour later

You order one bagel to eat right away, and then the other is like an hour later. You have to. You have to. That's how you get to 'deuce hogs.'

Nacho cheese is better the more unrealistic and neon it looks

I'm going to go with nacho cheese... I love it the more unrealistic the cheese is. Like the more yellow, the like neon yellow color you get with stadium nachos. Love that shit... like the radioactive goo.

Goat cheese is 'chick cheese' and not for guys

Goat cheese? Are you kidding me? That's chick cheese, bro. I disagree. That's a big time chick cheese.

10-degree weather is still shorts weather as long as there is no wind

The cold isn't really it. It's the wind. Cold doesn't bother me so much. The wind is bad. [At 10 degrees but no wind], I think we're good [to wear shorts].

MLB's black and white jerseys are heinous but a genius marketing move

Way to stay relevant baseball. It's Players Weekend, and they have the new jerseys... This year... Straight black and white. I actually think this is a genius move by baseball. They're heinous, the jerseys. But genius move to get everyone to talk about them.

The Pfister Hotel is a very active location for ghost activity and spirits

With some of the reports especially from people that are self-claimed skeptics, I'd say yeah, this is a very active place. There's a lot of history here... I heard at least two women's voices and at least one male.

Tony Gonzalez had the worst possible timing for a tight end because Rob Gronkowski came right after him

Tony Gonzalez... He has the ultimate unfortunate timing for a tight end because he was the greatest tight end of all time. And then [Gronk] came along and the tight end position is completely changed where tight ends are basically wide receivers now... doesn't it feel like if we, you know, in 2011, it was a no-brainer Tony Gonzalez's best tight end of all time to have someone come in right at the tail end of his career and be better than him? That's got to suck.

I would rather have a Super Bowl ring than be in the Hall of Fame

Watching the Hall of Fame induction made me, for a brief moment, think that Cris Carter, when he said he'd rather be in the Hall of Fame than have a Super Bowl ring, might have been on to something, and then as soon as the season starts, I'm like, nah, Super Bowl.

Colt McCoy is a less sexy version of Ryan Fitzpatrick

Colt McCoy is back. He's like the less sexy version of Ryan Fitzpatrick. He pops up every couple years, has a good game. He's like Ryan Fitzpatrick if he was cleaned up for a job interview or something like that.

The Area 51 meme is the reason people are now bum rushing music festival gates

I blame the organizer of the Area 51 thing for just convincing people everywhere to get a big group and run through a fence. Some of these kids were jumping fences [at Lollapalooza], and I was just shocked by their athleticism.

The NFL catch rule is getting more confusing and I will never understand it

Still don't understand what a catch in the NFL is. I feel like it's getting more confusing, not less confusing. And, yeah, someday I think we'll get it... if Zach Miller can break a leg in the Saints end zone and [his] broken leg lay on the ground for three seconds and still not have it be a catch, I will never understand a catch.

Drake is not a talented rapper and has 'low T'

I don't get why Drake is pop. I don't really like his music... I don't think he's a talented rapper. They're all slow. He's low T. Drake is very low T... He does the thing where he rhymes the same word with the same word a lot. He's kind of slow. He mumbles. He's got low T. Actually, he's kind of like me.

Carmelo Anthony was cut by the Rockets because he simply wasn't good at basketball anymore

I think the money he was being paid to play basketball [was why he was cut]. To be shitty at basketball. Yeah... it's not a basketball reason if you can't play basketball anymore.

Restaurants should replace gumball machines with 'Tumball' machines filled with Tums

An idea that's just, instead of a gumball machine, just out in restaurants, have it just be filled with Tums... I would take one every single time, even if I didn't have heartburn, just like knowing you might get it later... Call it a Tumball machine.

Training camp is a rebirth akin to New Year's or the birth of Christ

There's people that think of January 1st as being the start of the new year. People that espoused Christianity, Catholicism, talk about the birth of Christ. We talk about training camp. I love it... That's the rebirth. That's coming out of the womb... Now you're in the real world. Boom. Out into the light. Out into the chaos.

SpongeBob SquarePants is one of my heroes because of his work ethic and enthusiasm

I love SpongeBob... Just the way [he] attacks with enthusiasm unknown to mankind at all times. He's always happy. Always positive. He's energetic... I mean, some of the times where he's flipping the burgers, like he's got four or five or six arms. He loves work. Takes pride in his job. What's there not to love about SpongeBob?