Takes

Kevin Durant is the most triggered athlete of all time

Kevin Durant, he is easily the number one most triggered athlete of all time, without a doubt. It's not even close.

Russell Wilson is currently 'killing the sexy dance game'

Russell Wilson is absolutely killing the sexy dance game and dancing with Ciara... So he did a video with Ciara doing this little weird dance and he stole the show. So you would think, oh, Ciara, she's a professional performer. She's got moves. False. Russell Wilson was in the background killing it.

I'm starting to get 'football fever' and daydream about the college season

I was sitting on the couch, and I started thinking about Saturday morning and the camera going over college game day... I'm starting to daydream about football a little. I like close my eyes and I think about Illinois playing Purdue at 11 o'clock and Beth Mowins being like, 'there's another punt.'

Riptide Rush is the only good Gatorade flavor

I'll go Mint Chocolate Chip and Riptide Rush... [Riptide Rush is] the only good one. No, it's the white one.

Every vegan who says they like tofu is lying

Every vegan who says they like tofu, I know they're lying. I like tofu. No, you don't. False. All right, we settled that.

I would eat three steaks a day for 30 days for $10 million

If you've got $10 million you want to put up, I'll have three stakes a day for an entire 30 days. Wow. It's out there.

Being a virgin after age 30 is actually a good 'line' to use on women

After you turn like 30, and you say, like, I'm a virgin by choice. I feel like there's an element that the girl is like, I want to be the one. I want to be the one that makes him switch over to the other team... I think it becomes more positive after 30 than it does between the age of 18 and 29.

Kobe Bryant secretly hates that LeBron James joined the Lakers

LeBron's going to be a Laker and now Kobe is silently stewing and he's going to pretend to like this, but you know he hates it.

Paul George has been brainwashed by Russell Westbrook

Paul George is brainwashed by Russell Westbrook. I don't know what's going on there. That was another weird one... That actually was a genius move by Russ. The night of free agency being like, hey, I threw a huge party for you, so you got to come, and don't make this awkward by signing with the Lakers.

FIFA is on my shit list for scheduling the World Cup during football season

I love soccer, but if you make me choose between football and soccer, it's a no-brainer. So this is... You fucked up, FIFA. You're now on my shit list. The slave labor, the blatant corruption, the bribes—I can look past that. Going up against football, uh-uh. Protect the shield. You're out in my book.

The Tuesday after Labor Day is the best day of the year

I'm happy that none of us fell into the trap of saying the Tuesday after Labor Day because that actually is the best day of the year because that means all football is back. You have the Thursday night football, then Saturday college, Sunday, then double Monday night. That's the fucking best. That's like literally my favorite day of the year.

Playing mini-golf more than 10 times a year makes you a psychopath

If you play mini golf more than 10 times a year, you're probably a psychopath. Mini golf is fun on vacation, but you realize after 10 holes, you're like, I've had enough mini golf.

Sean Taylor is the best football player of all time

I grew up a Miami Hurricanes fan. I was a Sean Taylor fan. Rest in peace, Sean Taylor. Best football player of all time. I had the visor and everything when I played.

Blogging is just as hard of a sport as playing in the NFL

I think blogging is just as hard of a sport as football. My brain is mush. ... There's going to be a class action lawsuit of all the bloggers in 30 years because we've all just been playing with a concussion for the last decade.

The drop I had in the Super Bowl haunts me more than the catch that everyone talks about

I don't think about that catch when I think about [Super Bowl 51]. I think about right after halftime... I drop that ball and I was the guy over here, you know the rah-rah guy... I think about that third down how much harder it made it for us to go because we had a little momentum there. So, like, that's what I think about, bro. I don't even think about that catch. I think about that drop.

Jesus is the greatest comeback ever because he got crossed up and came back three days later

My first one is going to be Jesus... Jesus got crossed up, came back three days later. Pretty impressive. Saved all of humanity. So a little disrespectful on your guys' account, not picking Jesus, number one.

Kirk Cousins is the Rihanna of NFL quarterbacks

I'm just the biggest Kirk Cousins fan in the world... It's like, if you're in a relationship, you know, your girlfriend would understand, okay. You got a wandering eye. [Kirk Cousins] is like Rihanna.

July 4th should always be celebrated on the first Saturday of July

They should really change July 4th so that it becomes... First Saturday in July... It needs to be a Saturday. The fact that it's a Wednesday there is absolute bullshit.

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is a fantastic movie

The new one [Jurassic World] is fucking great... It's fantastic. I'm not in it... I'm hoping that they put me in the third one.

Pam Beesly is the worst character on The Office

Very telling that no one has taken Pam [in the draft]... Yeah, Pam's the worst. Pam's the worst.

Politicians who ignored the Flint water crisis deserve severe corporal punishment

Every politician that turned a blind eye to Flint, Michigan, should have their teeth knocked out with a steelhead fence post driver.

Men should never prioritize dates or partners over spending time with friends on a Saturday

My fourth law is simple. It's just bros before hosts... if we're just trying to chill with the boys, don't be like, 'oh, I'm going on a date with my girlfriend.' Especially if it's a Saturday.

Partnering with someone who cheats on their wife is a bad business move

Somebody said to me, man, don't be partners with somebody who would cheat like that because he'll screw you in a heartbeat... I went into business with the guy... he ripped me off over 500 grand.

People with the biggest egos usually have the thinnest wallets

Ever notice that people with the biggest ego have the thinnest fucking wallet? Because he doesn't listen to anybody. His ego gets in the way, they're typically not very successful.

Stephen A. Smith's receding hairline acts as a satellite dish that helps him hear NBA rumors

Stephen A., his hair has been receding into that cul-de-sac that he has for the last five years. It becomes like a satellite dish of hair. So he's able to hear these whispers at a pace that you or I can't, that mere mortals can't.

Sitting on a winning bet ticket is one of the best feelings in the world

My number four will be when you're sitting on a winning bet ticket. So like when you bet the Capitals and win the Stanley Cup and you know that it's our year and you're just like, I have $1,500 free money.

I would rather be 'bad on a good team' than a star on a bad team

I was on good teams, and I was bad. And I stuck around good teams that were bad for so long. Most guys, they're getting their shot and then they're out of the league. But I was like bad on good teams. ... Your moment can come at any time and you have to be able to deliver.

Modern NBA GMs prefer gambling on high-upside rookies over reliable role players

GMs nowadays are looking for, like, the next greatest thing. They'll try like an 18-year-old, see if it works. If it doesn't, they'll try another. They're not going to stick with the solid guy because that's not going to help them get eventually a steal in the second round.

Joey Crawford is the best official in NBA history because he controls the game better than anybody

Joey Crawford's the best official in the history of the game... I think that he controls the game better than anybody... In the second half, you rarely hear about him. He's going to call the right fouls. He's going to get to play the way he wants it.

Tom Thibodeau doesn't understand how to manage minutes in February

Thibodeau hasn't really kind of figured that out sometimes, whereas the Bulls will always play, you know, under the Thibs Bulls, they would always play really hard every single night, max effort. But sometimes you don't need max effort in February.

The 'Minutes Police' are wrong; Tom Thibodeau is actually a great bench coach

In the regular season, you [Thibodeau] are such a good coach that you can play any five guys and you guys can win. ... You are too good of a coach to ride your starters. Real good coaching comes in is maximizing your bench. And I think that he is such a good coach. He could do that.

Danny Ainge's goal is to beat LeBron James, not sign him

I think Danny Ainge's whole life has been about beating LeBron... Since he got to Boston, LeBron has, you know, pseudo been in the league. How do you overtake this guy?... But he doesn't want LeBron to join. He wants to beat him.

Kevin Durant's move to the Warriors made the NBA better by raising the standard

I think [Kevin Durant] made the NBA better because he sets a standard for what a championship team would be like... The new championship level is what we're seeing with the Warriors.

Rookies should invest all their money into their bodies and skills rather than the market

My advice to them would be invest as much money into yourself, your body, your food. Focus on becoming a better player because there's nothing in the world that's going to be a better return on your investment than making yourself a better player. That second contract... you're worth $100 million.

Messi is the GOAT

[Speaker 0] (3:25-3:27) And Messi is the GOAT.

The Messi vs. Ronaldo debate is more contentious than LeBron vs. Jordan because they play at the same time

This debate [Messi vs. Ronaldo] I would say is like a little bit more contentious actually. Because they're playing at the same time. And they play against each other sometimes. So I don't like that as much as the hypothetical debates, because you can twist all the facts around.

Taking a game on the road and ripping the heart out of the opponent's fans is the best feeling in sports

Taking a game on the road and ripping your opponent's heart out in front of their fans, there's nothing like it in all the sports.

Playing a road game in the SEC is harder than playing a road game in the NFL

[Speaker 2] (34:31-34:32) Oh, I don't know. [Speaker 2] (34:32-34:33) Probably playing a road game in the SEC. [Speaker 2] (34:33-34:38) SEC is just a little bit louder, more passionate fans.

Auburn has one of the best night game atmospheres in the SEC

[Speaker 2] (35:01-35:07) But I'll tell you, Auburn has something about it that was just always a fun atmosphere, a great atmosphere. [Speaker 2] (35:07-35:12) The fans are eye-level with you, and that can be an incredible game at night as well.

I don't know who Chris Christie is

I'm not sure who the second person is, but I've never been in the box.

I don't have any questions for you guys

No, I don't.

The hardest part about being a pro athlete is that it's a job

I mean, it's a job. We work strenuous hours. Watching film, putting what we put our body through. I think sometimes they think, oh, they just get to play a game that they love. It's a kid's game, but it's a business, and it's treated that way.

If I wasn't playing football I'd be promoting Ready Raise Rise full-time

Maybe something like I'm doing today, knowing how near and dear cancer is in my heart. Maybe it's just continue to promote Ready Raise Rise and figuring out a way to try to defeat this cancer.

Gray might be the craziest answer Dak has given all interview

That actually might be the craziest answer you've given. That's gray? What? Gray?

Soccer players are frauds and the sport isn't that difficult to play

Soccer players are frauds. I don't think that it's that difficult to play soccer.

A hot dog or sausage at a stadium is incomplete without grilled onions

You can't get a hot dog or a sausage in a stadium without doing the grilled onions. I'll walk to the ends of earth. There'll be one stand that has grilled onions. You've got to get to that stand. If you don't do that, you're just a rookie.

Cracker Jacks are the coleslaw of candy

Cracker Jacks are the coleslaw of candy. They're good for like a handful. Yeah, and nobody really likes it. It's more about the visual of walking around with a thing of Cracker Jacks.

The best stadium food is anything you can throw the shell or remains of on the floor

The best is just any food that you can eat and then throw away. Throw away the shell of it and you don't give a shit.

Carmelo Anthony has staying power because he has the coolest basketball name ever

Have you guys heard the theory why he [Carmelo Anthony] has so much staying power? It's just because he has the coolest basketball name of all time. Like if his name was like John Brown, he would have been benched years ago.

Women prefer 'soccer bodies' over any other male physique

I know you remember the dad bod thing that women pretended, like, oh yeah, we love guys who are kind of fat and don't care. That was so nice of them. But really, when it comes down to it, if you ask a woman, I guarantee you they go soccer bod over any other bod.