Takes

Bryce Harper doesn't have the balls to turn down the Yankees for the Red Sox

Me and Hank had a little conversation about Bryce Harper... and we're hearing rumors... that he might be going to the Red Sox. [Hank]: There's no chance. That'd be awesome. But he doesn't have the balls to do that to the Yankees. He can't turn down that money to come to the Red Sox.

Baseball players' stupidity has become a charming part of the sport

I love how baseball players, it's become charming how stupid they are. I mean, it's just really, they're just a bunch of stupid people and everyone says, 'Oh, isn't this so funny?'

Mets spring training is essentially just a timeline update on Tommy John surgeries

It's also a.k.a. just Mets spring training. That's just basically all of Mets spring training is, oh, hey, all of our pitchers are somewhere in the timeline of Tommy John, so let's just update everyone on that.

Teams that have spring training arguments over who their closer is will lose 90 to 100 games

I have also written down the 'who's the closer' argument. Those are teams that don't have a closer and they're trying a bunch of people out. Those teams usually will lose somewhere between 90 and 100 games.

Magic Johnson is the greatest basketball player and the number one Laker of all time

Magic Johnson. Without a doubt. He's the number one basketball... him and Larry Bird, they are the NBA. Magic and Bird put NBA in prime time.

The Houston Rockets got 100 times better simply by letting Dwight Howard leave

I went Dwight Howard. Like, he just left, and [the Rockets] got 100 times better. Addition by subtraction. I love it.

The Washington Capitals will finally win the Stanley Cup this year

The Washington Capitals, it's their year. I think this is the year they finally win the Stanley Cup. They certainly have all the pieces. They have all the pieces.

The Chicago Blackhawks will win the Western Conference this year

No, I actually think [the Blackhawks] are going to win the West. I love their team this year. I think that they're really deep. Kane and Toews will be there when it matters. I love their team. They've got a lot of young guys that are playing really well.

The Chicago Blackhawks will win at least one Stanley Cup in the next three years

I love their team. They'll be right there. I wouldn't be worried at all. They're right in the midst of that window to win a couple more. I think they at least get one in the next three years.

Floyd Mayweather and Conor McGregor are stuck in Zeno's Paradox and will never actually fight

If I shot an arrow at you, it would never actually hit you because in order for the arrow to get to you, it would have to travel half the distance to you... that's what's happening with McGregor and Mayweather. They're just getting closer and closer and closer and closer until they just get old and die.

Tom Crean will be hired by another team specifically because he has a 'contentable' face

Tom Crean, he will get fired by Indiana sooner rather than later. But someone will hire him simply because of his face. He's got a brand. Crean has a contentable face. He has an exceptionally stupid-looking face. And that in itself, that's a brand that people will be like, oh, wow, where is Tom Crean coaching? He can go coach the Missouri Valley, and people will now be watching Missouri Valley games because of his name and his face.

Brian Kelly knows he is on the hot seat at Notre Dame

Brian Kelly knows that he's on the hot seat. I mean, the people in the facility, the players and the coaches know that if they don't improve, things are going to change. So going into this year, Brian Kelly knows that he has to improve, and hopefully they can.

I would beat Mike Greenberg in tennis if my life was on the line

If my life was depending on it, I would practice enough and do enough to beat him because I knew my life was on it. [Greeny] can't even play his one little nerd sport better than [me]. He's probably better than me at all, but in that given situation, not only would I try and beat him, the best way to do it would be try and somehow hurt him during the match so he couldn't finish.

Joel Embiid will stop being funny on Twitter when he starts playing poorly or getting hurt more

I predicted like a month ago how Joel would not be so funny on Twitter when he starts fucking up. So this is the first one. He's injured like every other day. He's got a lot of time to go back and forth. Take away his umlaut over the Joel. You're just Joel now.

Rajon Rondo passes up easy layups specifically to hunt for assists

You know what Rondo does that's so fucking annoying? Everything, but he also loves, loves, loves to pass up super easy layups just to get assists. He's the worst with that. He did that today when the Bulls got smoked by the Wolves. He was ready to go for a layup, and then he passed it for a three-pointer. Dude, just fucking shoot the layup. Stop trying to get assists.

Duke will make a deep tournament run and possibly win the national title

This is a classic. Duke is going to make a run and then maybe win the national title. I'm going to hate everything.

Grayson Allen will be a first-round NBA draft pick

Were we saying before that Grayson Allen's going to be a top 10 pick? Top first round pick? No. He's going to be first round pick. Maybe very, very late.

Chris Long is not retiring after his first Super Bowl win

I'm not retiring, but I don't know what I'm doing. ... If I retire, you probably won't even know. ... Breaking news. I'm not retiring.

Tom Brady has definitely heard the Pardon My Take podcast

Tom's definitely heard you guys. Statistically, I mean, statistically speaking, there's not that many people who haven't. So Hank, if you're listening, [Tom] knows exactly who you are.

MLB's extra innings rule changes are a David Stern-style publicity stunt

David Stern used to do this all the time in the middle of the summer when the NBA wasn't getting any headlines. ... I think MLB is trying to do something. Super Bowl just ended. They're trying to get everyone back into baseball season, get some people talking about baseball. So let's just throw a stupid rule out there that's never going to work.

The CFL is the perfect place for Johnny Manziel to start a comeback

Johnny Manziel is back. He has reportedly had a tryout with the CFL, which the CFL is exactly where Johnny Manziel needs to start his comeback.

Tom Brady will win one more Super Bowl to finish with six

I think that Brady's going to win one more Super Bowl. I think we'll get two. I think he'll win six.

The Bears are going to be good next year because John Fox has been preparing since Week 3

John Fox has actually been able to prepare since week three. Yeah. So the Bears are going to be looking good.

Phil Jackson is only at the Knicks because James Dolan is a sucker

I respect [Phil Jackson] for spotting the sucker in the room and basically saying, oh, James Dolan wants me to come and work for him, and I don't have to move, and I don't have to do anything, and he's going to pay me millions of dollars. What's the worst going to happen?

The Washington Capitals are too good to never win a Stanley Cup

They're too good to never win one. But, I mean, they were the Presidents' Cup trophy winners last year... They have the most points in the league.

Sports gambling will be legal everywhere in the next 10 years

When do you think it's going to be legalized? ... I don't know, 10 years? I mean, how many states right now can you buy weed legally? ... It's going to be legal in some period of time.

The Bruins firing Claude Julien during the Patriots parade is the greatest PR 101 move ever

The Boston Bruins who fired Claude Julien... The morning of the New England Patriots parade and held a press conference during the parade. That is the greatest PR 101 story of all time.

Tom Brady lied about his health all season despite being on the injury report

I just couldn't help but notice that Tom Brady appeared on the injury report a lot this year. And he just said, I never hurt. My arm never hurt. My body never hurt. But he was on the injury report every week.

The Celtics will win the title because Tom Brady texted Isaiah Thomas

He [Brady] went out of his way to text Isaiah Thomas... and say, it's your turn. ... I think when someone like Tom Brady can reach it out to you, that can really [lead to a title].

The Falcons lost Super Bowl 51 more than the Patriots won it

Did the Patriots win this game or did the Falcons lose it? Ooh, I think they lost it. I think the Falcons lost it. All they had to do, there was two key points in the game... If you just run the ball straight up the middle, don't even gain a yard... now it's a two-score game with four minutes left. That's a lot harder for the Patriots to come back on that.

Kyle Shanahan was too focused on his new head coaching job with the 49ers during the Super Bowl

Kyle Shanahan, was he too focused on his new job? Absolutely. Yes. His mind was on West Coast time. No doubt.

Terrell Owens not being in the Hall of Fame is the biggest joke of all time

But seriously, T.O. not being in the Hall of Fame is probably the biggest joke of all time. What is he, second most in reception yards?

Mark Wahlberg leaving the Super Bowl early was a bad move

Marky Mark, Miami Heat fan slash New England Patriot fan. Left in, what, like 10 minutes left in the fourth quarter? Yeah, he left really early... how about you respect your favorite player, I assume, Tom Brady, and his ability to come back in a game. That's a bad look... that was a fucked up move for you to leave.

The Falcons take some luster off the Super Bowl because they haven't won anything yet

It feels, maybe it's the Falcons, and the Falcons forever will be kind of a fake team, and I don't mean that, no offense to Falcons fans, but that's just, they have to win something, right? No, but they have to win something to be, that's just how it works, right? So the Falcons definitely take a little luster off the Super Bowl.

Tom Brady will complain his way into a roughing the passer penalty in the Super Bowl

Will there be a roughing the passer penalty? Yes is plus 120. Oh, I like that. Tom Brady will cry his way to one at least. Yeah, if you breathe on him, right?

Tennessee will start the next season 3-0 and then lose every remaining game

Tennessee. They're going to start 3-0 and then lose all the rest of their games. And then pretend to like that stupid color orange. No offense.

Vegas will be taken by storm once Brent Musburger moves there

Hot seat, I have Las Vegas. Brent Musburger is opening up a handicapping company in Las Vegas. So if you think that he's going to move out to the desert and not take that place by storm, then you haven't been watching television for the past 50 years.

Michael Vick's legacy is secure as one of the best quarterbacks ever

I'm just going to throw it out there. I think Michael Vick's legacy is secure. He's one of the best quarterbacks ever.

Aaron Rodgers will eventually jump to the 4th or 5th best quarterback ever

I actually, well, a year ago, I put Aaron Rodgers as number 10 right above Bart Starr. And so I have him as number 10. But Rodgers is 10 right now, and I think he's probably going to jump up to, like, 5 or 4.

The Redskins will use the franchise tag on Kirk Cousins again this offseason

Kirk Cousins. He's not going to make it right now. Is he going to get paid over $100 million by the Redskins this offseason? No. He'll get the franchise tag. Again? 23-8, yeah.

Kirk Cousins is comparable to Andy Dalton and Alex Smith as a quarterback

I think you'd have to have a good running game. I mean, you kind of look at Kurt as kind of, well, I mean, He and Andy Dalton, I think, are very similar. And you put him probably in the same vein as Alex Smith.

The Raiders have a 65% chance of moving to Las Vegas and 35% chance to San Diego

I'd say right now it's probably 65% Vegas, 35% maybe San Diego. I thought it was pretty much a done deal by now. Can you come up with $650 million to get this thing to go right?

Wisconsin is a perennial threat to win the national title

As everyone knows, Wisconsin's perennial threat to win the national title. So that's probably Nick Saban just trying to take out his number one rival. Take out Wisconsin. Wisconsin Badgers.

Shaka Smart having an assistant hold a paint can to remind players to stay in the paint is a good move

You know, we make fun of a lot of things and we kind of have a good time on this podcast, but I actually buy this move. Full on. That is like a literal, you know, get into the paint while a guy's flashing a can of paint in your face. You remember to get in the paint.

Super Bowl babies are a myth because fans are too drunk and bloated to have sex after the game

Super Bowl has... I completely disagree. Super Bowl is the last day that you have sex because everyone eats. You eat a million pigs in a blanket. You drink beer. You sit on the couch. You fart. You're not having sex. Yeah, if you win, you're getting drunker. There's no chance you're having sex that night. So, yeah, I think Super Bowl babies might be myth.

Major League Baseball is the easiest sport to win money on

I would say Major League Baseball is the easiest sport to win. No issue about it. Because, again, think about it. The longevity of the cycle of the season gives you the advantage. Like college and pro football are the two hardest.

The only way to make money gambling is to bet one game a week and load up

You bet one game a week. Load up. That's the only way to make money gambling. You cannot make money gambling betting every single day. None, never, has never happened.

A real American stays inside on Sunday and watches the Pro Bowl

Hey, you know what it means to be a real American? You stay inside on Sunday and you watch the Pro Bowl. Yeah, you watch the Pro Bowl. You bet on the Pro Bowl. That's what an American does.

The new 6 PM SportsCenter will be 90% conversation and only 10% traditional highlights

We have producers who enjoy and appreciate what we do... In fact, we had to give it a percentage. The six is going to be 85% to 90% of what you've seen on His and Hers and 10% some SportsCenter. And that 10% is going to feel like His and Hers. It's just going to be something that SportsCenter would have done anyway.

Matt Ryan has been underappreciated for a long time

I do think Matt Ryan has been underappreciated. I thought this was a serious sports part of the podcast... No, I think Matt Ryan's underappreciated, has long been underappreciated. So I'm rooting for him because I want to see him get a bite of this apple.