Takes

I will hit 8 out of 10 free throws if I practice for two weeks

Two weeks, I can hit eight out of ten. No problem. Yeah, I get my jumper wet. My jumper usually takes like five to six days to get wet. But if I take the time and I go to the gym and I get my shot back, I'll hit eight.

Nick Saban is a spiteful, vindictive, irrational baby of a man

So you're saying that Nick Saban is a spiteful, vindictive, irrational baby of a man? You think? No doy. I like that this guy actually thought like he was going to just tell Nick Saban he's quitting. And Nick would be like, you know what? Best of luck to you, man.

Fat is coming back as a trend and Brooklyn will lead the way

Fat is coming back. And good news for you. The first place that it's going to come back, place at the forefront of all these trends, is Brooklyn. You know, like back in the day, if you were fat, it meant that you were well fed and that you could take care of yourself.

USA Rugby Sevens will go 3-0 in their Olympic group

I think we're optimistic and we're going for three and oh... Fiji, we're number one team in the world this year. Um, so they'd have to be favorites, but we've shown we can beat them.

No one on the Patriots actually has Tom Brady's phone number

I've strictly asked that question multiple times, and he [Nate Ebner] said no one on the Patriots has Brady's number, but if you want to get a hold of him, you contact his massage therapist.

Instagram Stories will be a massive threat to Snapchat's market dominance

Originally, Snapchat completely had the market, but now Instagram is coming in hot... Instagram, Mark Zuckerberg literally took Snapchat and just added it on Instagram... It's going to be a battle.

The Cleveland Indians won't win the World Series this year

The Indians, they're not going to win the World Series this year.

Getting shot in the arm feels like being hit by a golf ball at close range

It doesn't feel hot at all. It feels like you're standing in a tee box and somebody just lines up a golf ball and smokes, checks the shit out of you with the golf ball.

The 2016 Jacksonville Jaguars are going to 'put on a show'

I think we're going to have to bring back the greatest show on turf because this year [the Jaguars] are about to put on a show, a straight-up show.

Commando week is bad because of the drips

Commando week was, whoa, that was bad, dude. Yeah, because there's nothing to stop the drips. And it's the drip sweat that comes off your butt, butthole, taint area that really causes the stink. The underwear keeps that real tight.

Draymond Green sending a dick pic is a 'nut shot' from the Warriors forward

Another nut shot from Draymond. Let me say that again. I stumbled over it. Another nut shot from Draymond.

Draymond Green should sue Snapchat for entrapment

If I'm Draymond, I would consider suing Snapchat. They made an app that makes it really easy to send dick pics that disappear afterwards. So it's like entrapment.

Nyquist the horse is officially finished

I'm going to say that Nyquist is finished. That horse is done. He's so finished that he's done.

Bears rookie Daniel Braverman is a deep sleeper fantasy target

Benny Fowler, Daniel Braverman. By the way, he's going to be our new favorite. He's a Bear. And his name is literally he's braver than every other man. [Braverman] and Devontae Adams. All have been catching everything at camp. Catching everything.

The best way to sneak into events without credentials is to wear multiple lanyards

If you don't have a credential... if I just throw like three lanyards around my neck, they're not going to look that close. It's like this guy's loaded down with lanyards. We better let him in.

Geno's Steaks in Philadelphia is trash

Number one, Pat's. Number two, South Philly. Number three, Geno's. Geno's is trash. I hate Geno's.

NBA players are garbage for dunking on kids at summer camps for social media

Why do these players keep shitting all over these little guys that play $2,500 to go up to their camp and they dunk on them, they humiliate them, and then they post it all over Snapchat? All of them. It's out of control.

The Arthur the Aardvark meme will be dead by the end of the weekend

Arthur the Aardvark memes. People can't get enough Arthur. ... [Burn rate] I don't think it makes it past the weekend. ... It's a strong sell. Get your Arthur's in tomorrow.

Tom Brady is a bad guy

Number four on my Mount Rushmore of bad guys. Tom Brady. [Belichick] never got suspended. True. He only got fined.

NBA players should have the right to choose their super teams

I do believe that grownups should have the right to decide where they work. Kevin Durant was in Oklahoma City for almost 10 years. And if he wants to go play somewhere else, it doesn't really feel good for me as some random person sitting at home and saying, you know where I think you should live your life and work every day. I'm not a big fan of like the franchise tag.

The Warriors won't be good for the first half of the 2016 season

With Kevin [Durant] going out there, I have a theory that they're not going to be very good for the first half of the year next year. Only one ball.

Pat Riley is building his next super team by 'hoodwinking' Dion Waiters

Pat Riley, he just took a step back down towards Earth on the stairway to heaven because this is how you build your empire back up. You hoodwink Dion Waiters a little bit. And the next thing you know, you got your next super team in place.

Chris Sale is a psycho

And also Chris Sale is kind of a psycho. Yeah. He's a little bit of a psycho. I think the biggest story out of all this is Chris Sale is kind of a psycho because it's not just the jerseys. It's that he also has a best friend that's 13.

The 'Mystery Team' in MLB trades is always just a fabrication by agents

The mystery team... could be anybody. It's a made-up team from the mouth of your agent just trying to work you up. The mystery team never gets their guy.

White Gatorade is the best Gatorade flavor

Favorite Gatorade flavors. I'm going... The white flavor, number one. Are you kidding me? Love the white flavor. So the white one, I think you guys are sleeping on that.

The 2016 Cubs have all the key ingredients to win the World Series

I think that everything is in place right now for them to do very well. Without a doubt, they're going to be the team to beat. I think they have the key ingredients is how well and how they can handle that stage... hopefully this is the time.

The 2016 Olympics Russians got away with systematic doping

The Russians got away scot-free. So the IOC said, OK, we know your whole country had systematic doping for the last 20 years, so we're just going to ban the track and field team... they banned the track and field team, but anybody else from Russia is allowed to compete. So there you go.

The five-year Hall of Fame wait rule is good because it humbles players

I love the five-year rule because it gives players time to taste what it's like to be kind of irrelevant, put on a little bit of weight, and then they show up at their Hall of Fame induction ceremony, and they're humbled a little bit. They've gained a few pounds in the cheek, neck area, so they're more accessible to the fans.

Losing a Stanley Cup Final is even worse than blowing a 3-0 series lead

At that point [blowing a 3-0 lead against the Kings] I said it's way worse to blow the lead but... you go all that way, and you think you're going to win it, and then it just comes crashing down... it definitely fucking sucks.

Bay Area sports fans are spoiled

I think people out, the sports fans out in the Bay Area are spoiled. They obviously have the Warriors. They have the Giants who seem to win every other year. We've been pretty competitive for a while.

NHL players likely won't participate in the next Winter Olympics

You know what? I don't think NHL players are going to the next Olympics... I think most hockey players would [go], but it's like, is it worth it?

Robert Griffin III being ranked as a top 5 Redskins QB is an insult since he only played with five

Santana Moss actually just came out with his own mini Mount Rushmore... of top five quarterbacks he played with... and RG3 came in the top five. He was five... and those were the only five he played with. But still, top five is top five.

Tennessee will win the SEC East because they have the fewest question marks

Like in the SEC East, you've got to go with Tennessee just simply because they've got a lot of talent coming back and they don't have as many question marks as, say, like Georgia or Florida or anybody else.

Dan Mullen won't leave Mississippi State until he has another 10-win season

I think his window of opportunity for leaving went out the window the year that Mississippi State went to number one in 2014, and I think he's going to have to do something or have another 10-win season before he can leave Starkville.

Phil Mickelson has a recessive clutch gene

Phil [Mickelson] has a clutch gene because he's won a championship, but I think he might be the first person with a recessive clutch gene. You know how a redhead? You'll blow the redhead that pops up in your family. He's got the recessive clutch gene because he so often finishes second.

Rory McIlroy's tight shirts and muscle mass are hurting his golf game

I think it's probably the most correct take I've ever heard dude you ever hear of popcorn muscles yeah that's what [Rory McIlroy] has got. And if you think about a golf swing actually wearing a really tight shirt probably has some effect on it right?

Parents name their kids Harper to falsely signal that they are well-read

My first one is Harper. I think a lot of people are naming their kids Harper. The reason this one makes me mad is it's kind of like a fake I'm really into book's name. I read that book that everyone read in high school [To Kill a Mockingbird], and it was a really good book even though that was the last book I read.

Guy Fieri's food is the best food I've ever had

I'm a big Guy Fieri guy, so I feel like I can say this. The food was phenomenal. Best food I've ever had.

UConn women's basketball could beat a WNBA team

Could UConn women's basketball beat a WNBA team? Probably. I'm actually serious. I think they could.

Stephen A. Smith would have successfully prosecuted O.J. Simpson

I actually don't disagree with Stephen A. Smith here... Because I actually do think he would have been able to put O.J. Simpson in jail. He is so exhausting as an arguer, as a person, that I think that the jury would have just said, 'you know what, just have Stephen A. Smith stop talking and we'll put [Simpson] in jail.'

The MLB All-Star Game should decide World Series home field advantage, but the fan vote must be eliminated

I actually don't hate that the all-star game decides this. I hate that they're kind of stuck in the middle. So if you're going to have the All-Star game decide where the World Series starts every year, eliminate the fan vote, and treat it like a real game.

The MLB All-Star Game should include an inning where position players pitch and pitchers play positions

The seventh inning is the position player pitching inning. Yes. And put your pitchers at position players. Mix it up a little.

The Cubs will win the National League and the Blue Jays will win the American League

I like the Cubs still. I do like the Cubs... AL, I like the Blue Jays. I do like the Blue Jays, yeah... they had a little experience. They got some guys in the bullpen, pretty good starting staff, and a lineup's a joke.

Giancarlo Stanton will suffer a massive slump after winning the Home Run Derby

Thoughts and prayers for Giancarlo Stanton's swing. He won the home run derby. So everyone knows here comes the slump. You can't win the home run... sorry, man. You're going to have a really bad second half.

Brock Lesnar is the scariest human on Earth

The only other takeaway I had [from UFC 200] was is Brock Lesnar, I think, is the number one scariest human on Earth. The fact that he came back after five years and just demolished Mark Hunt... Brock Lesnar, I think, is my number one scariest man on Earth.

Home Run Derby participants always screw up their swings in the second half of the season

My other favorite part about the Home Run Derby is predicting which one of the participants the Home Run Derby is going to screw up their swing in the second half. Whoever wins.

The Chicago Cubs will win the 2016 World Series

If you were to pick the World Series right now, it sounds like the Cubs. Would you say the Cubs right now or somebody else? Yeah, I would say the Cubs.

I am the reason for the flat-brim hat trend in baseball

I live in Scottsdale, Arizona, and I see all these Little Leaguers wear 8-1-8 hats, so I feel like I'm the reason for that. So, you know, I'm definitely taking silent credit for changing the game, changing the hat-fitted game.

It is suspicious that LeBron James still hasn't signed his contract with the Cavaliers

NBA Free Agency... LeBron James still hasn't signed with the Cleveland Cavaliers. Hmm. Just saying. Hmm. I'm not saying, but. Hmm. Has everybody else signed? Yeah. So... he has not.

Odd Mom Out is the first show by women for guys

It's on Bravo Monday nights. Odd Mom Out. [Andy Buckley] said that it is the perfect... it's the first show by women for guys.