Takes

The Bucks might sweep the Celtics in the first round

Bucks are maybe even going to sweep the Celtics.

I am rooting for LeBron to get to the Finals just so he can lose for a 10th time

I'm rooting for the Cavs in the Eastern Conference this year... Because I want LeBron to lose again in the finals. I want the losses. I have the dream in my mind, the dream that Hank spoke out loud last year when he's like, what if LeBron ends up losing 10 NBA finals? So I am all in on the Cavs up until the finals.

The OKC Thunder are not a super team and Carmelo Anthony is trash

I do not give a fuck about the Oklahoma City Thunder. I do not care that they have three quote-unquote superstars because Melo is trash. Paul George and Russ Westbrook are still very, very good, but they are not going to beat anyone. Even if they win their first series, they're not going to do anything. It's like this thing that happens to everyone's brain where they see a couple of splashy names on a team together and they say super team. They don't let them get in a series. They could beat anyone. They could not beat anyone. They're not good.

Swallowing gum is completely normal and no different than eating candy

I'm trying to educate the world that it's not, you can swallow [gum]. It's the same thing as candy. It's the same thing as a Tootsie Roll. It's the same thing as a piece of licorice. Once the flavor goes away, you swallow it.

The fact that Andrew Luck isn't healthy proves that books are officially junk science

He says that he's been reading a lot as part of his rehab. Nerd. So he's been reading a lot of books and nurturing himself with literature. The fact that he hasn't gotten better means that books are officially junk science, right? If that's his treatment course.

Carmelo Anthony stinks as an NBA player

Can we, as like a society, just agree that we're not going to believe the bullshit hype with the Thunder? Melo stinks. I watched him play. All he does is run up and down. He runs three-point line to three-point line, and he doesn't play any defense, and he doesn't really move on offense, and he bricks shots. He stinks.

The Washington Capitals will sweep the Columbus Blue Jackets

John Tortorella is a world-class piece of shit, and I love watching him get beat. I'm predicting a sweep in the first round.

The New York media is already getting to Giancarlo Stanton

John Carlos Stanton, done or finished. Follow-up question, is the New York media getting to him? I love that Yankee fans are booing the fuck out of him. I love it. I love it, love it, love it.

Sergio Garcia will never win another Major

Sergio and the fact that he's known for choking and that he'll never win a major. Ever.

Eastern Conference NBA teams that wear red will lose early in the playoffs

Eastern Conference teams that wear red lose early in the playoffs. So I guess this year it would just be the Raptors, the Heat, and the Wizards are all going to lose very early on.

The Golden Knights will lose in the first round of the playoffs

I've stuck by my guns that they're going to lose in the first round. I'm just staying on it. I don't think they can match up with a team who has, like, a superstar.

I'm off the Tim Tebow train until he learns a third skill

I'm off Tim Tebow until he learns another skill... Learn a third skill. He can hit home runs and he can circumcise babies. So learn a third skill.

The Yodeling Walmart Boy will eventually be found to be problematic

The yodeling Walmart boy. At some point, he's going to be problematic, right? ... I've seen this story play out on the internet enough. Someone in his family has a Confederate flag Facebook profile, and everyone's going to turn on him and be like, man, this kid is problematic.

Donte DiVincenzo's old tweets aren't problematic because he was only 13

Dante DiVincenzo... some of the tweets are deemed problematic. Now, I want to make it very clear. I don't think any of these are problematic. ... It's also a 13-year-old that, like, is stupid. And if you remember when you were 13, you were a dumb fuck, too.

Gino Auriemma is on the hot seat after UConn's second straight Final Four loss

We need to start asking the question if women's college basketball is bad for UConn because they're 0 for 2 in the last two years. Gino [Auriemma] on the hot seat? I think we should put him there.

I am pressing the panic button on the Chicago Cubs after a 2-2 start

Two and two. I'd say panic button pressed. Okay. Absolutely. All right. Without a doubt, the panic button has been pressed.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic is the future of American soccer at age 34

Zlatan is going to save soccer in America. He is. He's the future of American soccer. He's 34. And he's the future.

Baker Mayfield screen-grabbing negative tweets is a baby back bitch move

Baker Mayfield apparently is screen grabbing everything that's ever been said about him negatively. Sounds like a baby back bitch move that Kevin Durant does.

Kevin Durant can beat LeBron James one-on-one

I'd say [Durant] is the best player in the NBA right now. At his peak, I think he can beat LeBron. Yeah, I just said it. One-on-one.

Kevin Durant is the softest superstar of all time

But he [Durant] has to be the softest superstar of all time. LeBron does not get triggered. Kevin Durant had a burner account fucking responding to his own tweets. He literally goes on these podcasts and sounds so angry about everything... stop being such a baby all the time.

The Washington Capitals will win the Stanley Cup this year

I am officially, without any sarcasm whatsoever... I think it is the Caps year... This is the Caps year.

Jared Goff will be the NFL MVP next year

Jared Goff, MVP candidate, he was probably the MVP of the league last year. And he will definitely be the MVP of the league next year.

Duke will win the 2019 national championship with Zion Williamson

2019 Duke national champions. No even reason to play the season. You can just mark it down right now. Duke is winning the title next year.

I could kill a man with a football from 10 yards away

If a guy's standing right there and I threw a football at his head, I think I could kill him. ... Deadly within probably 10 yards, I'd imagine.

I wouldn't be shocked if Loyola Chicago won the whole NCAA tournament

I wouldn't be shocked if they actually won the whole thing because they are playing unbelievable offense. And I mean, like the Butler team, you know, I mean, the teams make these runs.

Leonard Hamilton didn't foul at the end of the Florida State game to help boosters cover the spread

I still maintain, and I've long time maintained this, that the coaches coach for spreads for boosters... what are the chances if you foul him, are you not going to cover the four and a half? Very high. Right. So you've got to make a business decision, a little Cam Newton business decision, say, no foul.

UCF is the true 2017 national champion because they beat the team that beat the champions

We blew out a team [Auburn] that beat the national champions [Alabama], quote-unquote. You know how I go. You don't lose a game. You just keep going until you lose.

Duke was guaranteed to win the title this year

I spent the last month, two months, three months saying that Duke was definitely going to win the title this year... guaranteed, locked up, no matter what happens, Duke is winning the title.

John Calipari is officially on the hot seat

And Coach Cal's on the hot seat. He's definitely on the hot seat.

People with the biggest egos have the thinnest wallets

You ever notice that people with the biggest ego have the thinnest fucking wallet? Because he doesn't listen to anybody. His ego gets in a way that's typically not very successful.

Millennials drink craft beer that sucks just because they think it's cool

Millennials are very relevancy-driven. Millennials will drink a craft beer that sucks because it's cool. ... Millennials don't react to logical things. They react to what is cool.

Deion Sanders only considers players great if they call him for advice

If you're a young player in the league and you call him for advice once a week, then you're a good player. If he mentors you, then you're one of the best players in the league. ... If you play in a boring place like Tennessee, then he just doesn't know who you are.

Peeing in the sink is the most environmentally friendly bathroom habit

Peeing in the sink is actually the greenest way to go, so you're welcome. Instead of wasting 1.6 gallons of water on a flush, you pee in the sink. You then wash your hands in the very same sink, simultaneously washing down the urine and preserving nature's most precious resource.

Charge calls are the worst part about basketball and should be banned

I don't understand what's a charge and what's a block anymore, so you've got to just get rid of one of them, and you're not going to get rid of the block call. [Charges] are the worst part about basketball in general.

Deandre Ayton and Allonzo Trier checked out of the Arizona program early for the NBA

I thought in Arizona it was disinterest. I thought they thought, okay, we'll play this game, but then it got to be too much hard work... I think Trier and the big kid [Deandre] Ayton had said they're going to the NBA. I think they just checked out.

The Cleveland Browns should draft Saquon Barkley #1 overall so they don't have to choose their own quarterback

If I'm the Browns, I would definitely take Saquon Barkley number one overall, because that way they make the decision for you as to what quarterback you're going to take... They take [Sam] Darnold. It's like, well, I got to take [Josh] Rosen. I got to take [Baker] Mayfield.

If Rory McIlroy bans beer for fans, PGA golfers should be required to drink while playing

Yes Rory, we can ban beer from PGA events, but the golfers then have to drink... they have to drink one beer per three holes. I think that's fair.

A 16-seed will only ever beat a 1-seed if multiple star players on the 1-seed suffer freak injuries or illnesses.

The 16th seed is not going to win where everyone says this is the year the 16th seed wins. The 16th seed is going to win because the best player on the one seed breaks their ankle walking onto the court, and then the second best player has diarrhea, and then the third best player tears his ACL... and then maybe they will win by one.

John Skipper's story about leaving ESPN due to cocaine extortion is missing key details.

I don't believe this is the full story. So my PR 101 would be maybe tell the whole story because now people are going to be like, huh, that seems a little odd. You were infrequent and you were careful. And then all of a sudden some random drug dealer was like [going to extort you].

Sam Bradford is a walking cryptocurrency

I think he's [Sam Bradford] actually just a cryptocurrency. I think he's like his own Bitcoin. I've been buying a lot of Sam Bradford coins, so I'm going to be rich someday.

Davidson is the perfect team to upset Kentucky

Davidson over Kentucky, even though I really like Kentucky... Davidson's red hot... They feel like the perfect upset kind of team that they have upperclassmen and a lot of different guys who can score.

Purdue is the Toronto Raptors of the NCAA tournament

The Purdue Boilermakers are the Toronto Raptors of the tournament. No matter how good they look in the regular season... they feel like the most unthreatening two-seed in the world.

The NCAA selection committee snubbed Louisville and USC to avoid talking about the FBI investigation

Stay woke. Louisville and USC, both two teams under the FBI watch. They got out. So, interesting. I actually think there is an element where the selection committee said, well, let's maybe keep these two teams out because we don't want everyone talking about the FBI during March Madness.

This is Tom Izzo's final year coaching at Michigan State

One of my who's backs is, this is Coach Izzo's swan song. I'm just going to say it. This is his final year.

My NFL career would have been much different with a coach other than Jeff Fisher

Definitely, definitely [it would have gone differently with a different coach]. I don't put nothing on Coach Fish. He had a little bit of something to do with it. But, I mean, I always put myself and blame myself.

The Duke Blue Devils will win the national championship

The Duke Blue Devils are going to win the national championship. All right. And this isn't a reverse jinx. I know you're thinking, Big Cat, you hate Duke... No, no, no. They're definitely going to win the national championship. You heard it here first. It's done. They shouldn't even play it.

The 49ers are going to be trash next year

49ers are going to be trash. That's my hot take. I think window is closed. No more glory hole.

Mike Matheny is a 'big dum-dum' manager

Mike Matheny. Yeah, I think he's a dummy. He's a big dum-dum. So wrong. Yeah, big dum-dum.

Bryce Harper will sign with either the Cubs or the Red Sox

My people are saying... That he [Bryce Harper] is going to go to the Boston Red Sox. Or Wrigley. Yeah, my people are saying he's going to the Cubs. ... If it happens... as first reported by Joe Buck in 2018. That he's going to likely the Cubs or the Red Sox.

Championship week is better than the NCAA Tournament

Hot take championship week might be better than the tournament. Because you actually know the teams, unlike in the March Madness, when you're like, I don't know how these teams are going to match up.