Takes

Tape deck car adapters provide better audio quality than iPhone aux cords

To me, the tape deck aux that was hooked up to your Discman sounds clearer than plugging in an aux cord to your iPhone right now. Science will never reach that level of sophistication that we had in the year 2001 or 2002 when we developed that.

ESPN canceling 'Barstool Van Talk' was a bad business decision that alienated a key demographic

My second pick, I will go with ESPN canceling Barstool Van Talk and making an entire demographic of young male adult sports fans hate them forever. Good pick.

Mark Cuban made a mistake by not buying 10% of Big Cat's brain for $1 million

I'll go with Mark Cuban up buying 10% of my brain he's an idiot that was a dumb business decision I'm going to make I'm going to make that money back it was for a million dollars he regrets it 1 million dollars and he got all my lifetime earning from that day forward.

LeBron James is one of the worst teammates of all time because he takes all the credit and trades everyone else

LeBron James. Can't be fun to be his teammate. You're always, always in fear that he's like, if you do well, he's going to take all the credit. If you do bad, he's probably going to trade you off the team.

You shouldn't own a Jeep Wrangler unless you actually go off-roading

Unless you live on the beach and are doing off-roading on a fairly average basis, you shouldn't have a Jeep Wrangler. If you have a Jeep Wrangler in Massachusetts... you're not getting the use out of it that you need to. You're just doing it for a status symbol.

Driving a Ford Ranger means you have no friends

The Ranger is good for nothing except helping your friends move. That's it. If you drive a Ranger, you're telling me, I don't have friends. I'm looking for play dates so badly that I will do your chores for you.

Byron Leftwich can throw a ball farther than Tom Brady can right now.

I bet you Byron Leftwich can throw a ball farther than Tom Brady right now. He's another one of those guys saying like 'where's the... I just get out there and pearl cannons to each other.' Leftwich could be 70 years old and having his old offensive lineman carry him around on one leg and throw an 85 yard bomb.

I am afraid that someone will use my spit to frame me for a murder

I am always afraid... that someone will be able to use my spit and frame me for a murder. I'm just spitting my DNA everywhere. Someone's going to like basically catch it and be like, we got him now.

Anchovies are actually delicious and only hated because of Ninja Turtles propaganda

Anchovies are not that bad. They only get a bad rap because of cartoons. You were told from a young age [by] the Ninja Turtles... That's actually not at all what anchovies are. They are delicious. They just taste like salt... There's been a tremendous propaganda effort against anchovies and sardines for most of my adult life.

Animal style fries at In-N-Out are wildly overrated

Animal style sauce on fries at In-N-Out. I think it's wildly overrated. I really do. Animal sauce on the burger... that adds something. Animal sauce on fries just becomes disgusting and you're like what are we doing eating a bunch of soggy fries? It's a cool hipster thing to do.

Mississippi is a miserable place and a no-brainer for Mount Flushmore

An absolute no-brainer a few years ago. I did a a college tour... every state had a great time in pretty much all of them. The only one that was a bad time. Just a miserable place to be Mississippi. Oh, wow.

Oklahoma is the JV version of Texas and robbed the world of the SuperSonics

Oklahoma... I don't really like the JV Texas. It's JV Texas tornadoes really suck. And also I'll be honest... I still feel like the The Thunder have blood on their hands for robbing the world of the SuperSonics.

Taking a tequila shot right before sex makes you a 'stallion'

Right before you have sex. Dude, I'm about to be a stallion. You don't have the anxiety. You don't know if it's not going to work yet. In that moment if you're [drunk] I'm just gonna go for it.

Vincent Chase is a terrible TV character

I think Vincent Chase is a fucking terrible character. Vinnie Chase. I hate Vinnie Chase... What does Vinnie Chase do that's memorable besides make stupid decisions, box smoke shows, and hang out and smoke weed?

Icebergs are terrible and serve no purpose.

I've got icebergs. Hate icebergs. What have they ever done for anyone? They're terrible. They break off, it's a sign of a bad climate... they should all stay intact.

Wheaties taste like an old person's butthole

Wheaties. Mmm great boxes and they're great workers because they just they made everyone who wins an Olympic gold medal want to be on the cover of their cereal box, even though their cereal tastes like shit tastes like an old person's like butthole.