Takes

I am officially 'opting out' of ever playing Augusta National

I have opted you. You forget Big Cat like three years ago on this show. I said I don't want to play at Augusta. I'm not Augusta material. All right. Fair. I'm opting out.

It is more likely that Sydney Sweeney DMs Hank than it is for Augusta to invite him to play

You work on the, at the number one sports podcast in America. You think it's more likely that Sydney Sweeney [messes with] you than Augusta invites you?... I kind of agree with them. No one plays at Augusta. It's impossible. I kind of agree with them.

Bill Belichick's girlfriend being copied on all North Carolina emails is a sign of shadow coaching

Belichick is telling all the North Carolina officials to copy his girlfriend on any emails that they send him... she's apparently very smart philosopher, right? He's asking his bosses to copy her on all the emails... Is she the shadow coach at UNC?

Shohei Ohtani is the best baseball player of all time

I'd say that this, he is the best baseball player of all time. Whether or not he'll have the best career of all time is kind of up for grabs. But we've never seen anybody that's doing what he's doing.

Vanny Woodhead will be up and running by July 4th

Vanny will be up and running by July 4th. My first step is trying to make some, some marketing and some sales packaging so that we can get some money into Vanny Woodhead.

I'm rooting for Travis Kelce to propose to Taylor Swift on the jumbotron to watch the internet break

The one thing I am rooting for is I hope Travis Kelce proposes Taylor Swift. That would be awesome on the field after... I root for it because all the swifties would have to do mental gymnastics to be like, that's so cute... I want it like to be on the jumbotron and then Swifties have to be like, that's so beautiful.

Albert Pujols shouldn't be in the All-Star game because he 'fucking sucks' and can't even walk

Albert Pujols being in the home run Derby, which is a crock of shit. But I'm also at the point in my life where I, cause he fucking sucks. He can't even walk. Albert Pujols he's, he can't even walk. He shouldn't be in the all-stars. He made the all star game... taking a spot away from someone who could [actually hit].

Mike Silver's hire by the Washington Football Team is a PR move to get guaranteed positive coverage

The Washington Football Team... pulled a masterful stroke, which is just hiring Mike Silver, the guy who will say—you don't even have to pay Mike Silver to say nice things about you. You just have to go out to steak dinners with him once every four months like Hugh Jackson. I would imagine that the Washington Football Team will have Hugh Jackson as a coach soon.

Bill Belichick might be stashing impact starters on a 'shadow team' via COVID opt-outs

I think that the Patriots might be putting together like a shadow team. Just getting through camp and he's got all these guys that he knows wants to be impact starters. He's like, they're gonna be my shadow team. They're going to stay healthy and then I'm going to bring them in... That's just me being too woke because Belichick is always up to something.

I'm starting to think the global pandemic was rigged so we would all be forced to watch soccer

I swear to God I'm starting to get to woke that this is all been rigged so that we all have to watch soccer... We're here, life is now just soccer with a little side of horse racing.

Joe Rogan is officially uncancellable

Twitter decided to go full send and I'm going to tip my cap to the cancel brigade because they went for the final boss, Joe Rogan, and failed... He is uncancellable because he would actually let's say that Twitter was able to get his contract with Spotify canceled, right? He would just take that wave of publicity, go back to what he was doing before and still make a shitload of money.

Every college football program is going to attempt to reach herd immunity to ensure the season happens

Pretty much every football program is having is going to go for herd immunity and it's good at we're gonna have a football season that just every team that already got it out of the way.

Flavored 'Water for Dogs' is a billion-dollar business idea

I came up with a billion dollar idea maybe quadrillion or trillion dollar idea: its water for dogs... why not a little flavored water for your dog? So you can either go with the Savory option and have it be like a bacon flavored water or bone broth water.

Mitchell Trubisky is unable to throw the football to his left side

Trubisky can't throw left. He can throw right. That's why we actually did the Cam Newton... cam cancel, right?

I think Antonio Brown might be on the autism spectrum because of his helmet fixation

Maybe he might be autistic because this is something like seriously. This is something that an autistic person would get very attached to their helmet. Like it's their tool that they use... maybe he's got Asperger's.

The 'Green Zone' on-field graphic will save the NFL's TV ratings

Breaking moves. I think the NFL has figured out how to save their ratings in their league. The green zone. It's a new feature they rolled out tonight. It's on third downs. It shows you how far players will have to go at any point during the play to get a first down.

There is an oversaturation of dogs on social media

I'm getting on the borderline of getting sick of the oversaturation of dogs on Twitter.

Booger McFarland could beat any professional golfer if given a couple weeks of practice

If you guys didn't know, Booger thinks that he can beat a professional golfer. If you give Booger a couple weeks practice, he can beat anybody in golf. I actually agree with that.

Marquette King is quitting the NFL to join Barstool Sports

Marquette King actually did a little bit of flirting with joining Barstool earlier today... he put up the peace sign on Twitter, meaning he was quitting to join Barstool Sports. Heard it here first.

Golf does not belong in the Olympics

I'll tell you one thing I think is ridiculous is all this Olympics and golf... to me, the Olympics does – it's not golf. If you're a golfer... it just seems silly. You want to win the British Open, you want to win the Masters, you want to win the U.S. Open... nobody cares about the Olympics. It's track and field, it's weight lifting, it's swimming.

Tom Brady can't tell Kevin Durant what it's like to be a black superstar in Boston

And Tom Brady is going to be able to tell Kevin Durant what it's like to be a big black superstar in the city of Boston. Wait. No, wait, hold on.