Takes

If you claim you were hacked on Twitter, you should tweet vile things to make it look real

If you want to say you got hacked... before you do that just start tweeting out the craziest most vile swastikas dick pics own it just get go insane the weird links... It's so easy to actually fake like you got hacked instead of just saying, whoops, I got hacked.

Mike Glennon will be a great and perfect quarterback for the Chicago Bears (Spinzone)

Mike Glennon's gonna be great for the Bears he's gonna be perfect and he is exactly he's exactly who the Bears would get in this situation because when you look at all the Bears quarterbacks they all suck but at one point you were able to say to yourself, 'maybe.'

Aaron Hernandez's lawyer should argue the murder was just a game of 'Fuck, Marry, Kill' that went too far

If you look at the facts surrounding that murder, right? He was with his fiancee... he was also with a friend who was a female... and then there was a guy that he killed. So it could have just been a game of 'Fuck, Marry, Kill' gone way out of hand.

Lane Kiffin took the FAU job in Boca Raton as 'self-limiting behavior' because the women there are too old to hit on

Here's my spin zone for Lane Kiffin taking this job in Boca Raton. If he wants to go fuck any guy's wife, it's probably like a 100-year-old woman, so he's not going to do it. It's kind of like self-limiting behavior... Lane Kiffin's not going to go to a place where he just wants to cuck every dude he sees. It's like if you're an alcoholic, go take a job in Utah.

The NFL is a better place when the Dallas Cowboys are using cocaine

I think if you're a Dallas Cowboy, you should be allowed to do cocaine. I think that's one of the rules. The NFL is a better place when the Dallas Cowboys are using cocaine.

Concussions aren't real

But actually concussions aren't real. So I don't know what Tebow is trying to get out there. Little Tebow is not the kind of guy who pretends to believe in stuff that doesn't actually exist.

Bobby Petrino coaches every game with a waistband-tucked boner

I've got a theory that Bobby Petrino coaches every single game doing a waistband tuck... He's got full erection. Every conference game, he's got a full erection. Just keep an eye on that for maybe a little cherry poking out of the top.

Stanley Johnson is actually in LeBron James' head by making LeBron think he's crazy

So you're thinking LeBron has probably read this and was like – like laughed it off, like, ha, ha, ha, ha, Stanley Johnson thinks he's in my head. And then there was a quick pause, and he's like, uh – maybe he is. I don't know.

Meth Johnny Manziel would be better than weed Johnny Manziel because you want him on edge

I would put meth Johnny Manziel over weed Johnny Manziel because weed would mellow him out too much... you want Johnny like on edge, right? You want him to be running around a little bit. The best plays that he had when he was in college were like, he was tweaking almost like he was just panicked.

Johnny Manziel's drug power rankings are: Meth #1, Cocaine #2, Weed #3, and Alcohol in the basement.

Take it back meth Johnny Manziel number one cocaine Johnny Manziel number two and then weed Johnny Manziel number three a distant third and and we all can agree power ranking wise alcoholic Johnny Manziel's in the basement it's dead last.