Takes

If you claim you were hacked on Twitter, you should tweet vile things to make it look real

If you want to say you got hacked... before you do that just start tweeting out the craziest most vile swastikas dick pics own it just get go insane the weird links... It's so easy to actually fake like you got hacked instead of just saying, whoops, I got hacked.

Mike Glennon is going to be great and perfect for the Chicago Bears

Mike Glennon's gonna be great for the Bears he's gonna be perfect and he is exactly he's exactly who the Bears would get in this situation because when you look at all the Bears quarterbacks they all suck... you need the guy who half the city is like, I think he could be okay. And then the rest of the city is like, you guys are all idiots.

Lane Kiffin took the FAU job to prevent himself from 'cucking' other men

If he wants to go fuck any guy's wife, it's probably like a 100-year-old woman, so he's not going to do it. It's kind of like... self-limiting behavior. Lane Kiffin's not going to go to a place where he just wants to cuck every dude he sees. It's like if you're an alcoholic, go take a job in Utah.

The NFL is a better place when the Dallas Cowboys are using cocaine

I think if you're a Dallas Cowboy, you should be allowed to do cocaine. I think that's one of the rules. The NFL is a better place when the Dallas Cowboys are using cocaine.

Concussions aren't real

But actually concussions aren't real. So I don't know what Tebow is trying to get out there. Little Tebow is not the kind of guy who pretends to believe in stuff that doesn't actually exist.

Trent Richardson being cut is good because it starts his Hall of Fame eligibility clock sooner

Great news for Richardson. Now the clock can start on his five-year eligibility until he can get into the Hall of Fame. So he can get it in 2021 instead of 2022.

Stanley Johnson is actually in LeBron James' head by making LeBron think he's crazy

So you're thinking LeBron has probably read this and was like – like laughed it off, like, ha, ha, ha, ha, Stanley Johnson thinks he's in my head. And then there was a quick pause, and he's like, uh – maybe he is. I don't know.

Meth Johnny Manziel would be better than weed Johnny Manziel because you want him on edge

I would put meth Johnny Manziel over weed Johnny Manziel because weed would mellow him out too much... you want Johnny like on edge, right? You want him to be running around a little bit. The best plays that he had when he was in college were like, he was tweaking almost like he was just panicked.