Takes

Montreal is the best atmosphere in North American hockey

Montreal... you should see this place. Just the fans right on top of you... the seats just go straight up. It's loud as hell. The French are completely nuts. By far and away, it was my favorite place to play.

Teams play better on 'Dad Trips' because they are afraid of being tortured by their fathers for playing poorly

It's not even about like, I want to play good in front of my dad. It's like, if I play bad, I'm going to get tortured by my dad like I did when I was 11. If I didn't play good in the NHL, he'd still give me the same shit. I'd get on the bus, sit next to me, wouldn't talk to me.

Derrick Rose's 'kill yourself' comment was not a slip of the tongue

Derrick Rose said, 'everyone that thinks that it's going to stop, kill yourself.' ... He then doubled down on it. He said, 'like I said before, kill yourself.' ... When you say it twice, you don't get the slip of the tongue tag. When you double down, the slip of the tongue doesn't work anymore.

You only get to break one TV in your life due to sports anger

I have a take. I think everyone gets one TV in their life to break. If you show that much passion about a team, then you probably have a lively personality... You got one TV to break in your life. Use it wisely.

The Eagles' offensive line deserves more credit for keeping Khalil Mack and the Bears' pass rush clean

I will give credit, Nick Foles, the Eagles' offensive line was unbelievable. They basically kept Khalil Mack and the pass rush pretty much clean all night.

Offensive lines prefer blocking for a pocket statue like Nick Foles over a mobile quarterback like Carson Wentz

There's something about blocking for a guy like Nick Foles as opposed to blocking for a guy like Carson Wentz. You're like, I know Nick Foles is basically a statue. He's going to be in the pocket. I know where I have to block my guy.

Middling NBA teams should hire Tom Thibodeau for a short-term boost

If you're any middling NBA team out there, why not hire Tom Thibodeau right now? He's at least good to give you a little bit of juice for a few months. ... He's like steroids. Really good short-term. Bad for your hips.

John Harbaugh has all the leverage in Baltimore and would require at least a first-round pick in a trade

If they were going to extend [John Harbaugh], they'd extend it by now. He has all the leverage here. ... I think it's got to at least be a first-round pick at least a first-round pick before the Ravens will do it.

The price for Dak Prescott's contract extension went up after the Seahawks win

Whatever they wanted to pay him, it went up on Saturday night because he played at a higher level. ... I think that they're in good hands with Prescott now.

If Nick Foles beats the Saints, the Eagles have to keep him and trade Carson Wentz

If Foles pulls it off again, if he's got one more rabbit up his ass that he can pull out in that [Saints] game, then I think that's the point where you have to say, you know what, Carson Wentz is a better quarterback, but we're a better team with Nick Foles, and we just have to accept it and move forward with him.

Carson Wentz isn't a franchise quarterback because he plays recklessly and isn't available

With Wentz, the problem is this. It's not how he plays. It's that he's not available to play. And if you can't keep yourself on the field every week, every year, then how can you call yourself a franchise quarterback? ... Carson Wentz still plays recklessly.

The Steelers must get Ben Roethlisberger and Antonio Brown in a room to iron out their problems because Brown is too valuable to move

The thinking is you've got to find a way to work this out. He's too valuable to the team. It's going to be too disruptive financially to move him. And I think the problem ... it's Antonio Brown and Ben Roethlisberger. ... They've got to get both of them in the room, and they've got to figure out, can we make this work?

The 2018-19 NFL playoffs are the most wide-open in history

I've been saying it. It is the most wide-open playoffs we've ever had, and I'm excited. Yeah, three of the four games [this weekend] are under a field goal in terms of the point spread.

The Saturday afternoon Wild Card game is always the worst game of the NFL season.

We always say this is the shittiest game and it usually is... it's where you get all your jokes off... it's really the Twitter jokes game.

Jerry Jones' skin turns significantly paler when the Cowboys are losing.

Any time you have Jason Garrett on the sideline and a shot of Jerry Jones getting paler and paler as the game goes on. He ends up being like royal family in England white by the end of the game if they're doing poorly.

Nick Foles is like Russia because he is nearly impossible to beat in the winter.

There is some weird stuff that happens in December. [Foles] is like Russia. He's very tough to beat in the wintertime.

Bank of America is a terrible company with archaic technology

I'm dealing with the hated Bank of America... Can you imagine Bank of America cannot email things. They can only fax a guy... They sound like you [Big Cat]. My son told me... anybody that uses a fax is by definition an idiot.

Anyone who still uses a fax machine is by definition an idiot.

My son told me, I always remember this, not that long ago, he said anybody that uses a fax is by definition an idiot... I knew the minute I did that, I was going to hear about it.

I am shorting the stocks of Bank of America and Sprint due to their terrible customer service.

I'm shorting Bank of America right now, and I'm also going to short Sprint.

Wearing white cleats makes a football player look significantly faster than wearing black cleats.

White cleats make you look faster... I don't think there's even a conversation... putting black cleats on a white guy... that's like just saying, 'Hey Danny, run your 40-yard dash in quicksand.'

Hunter Henry is one of the best tight ends in the NFL.

Hunter Henry... I think he's one of the best tight ends in the league, and he hasn't even been playing.

You should always call tails on a coin toss because 'tails never fails' and people who call heads are weirdos.

I'm personally a tails guy... tails never fails... the people that are saying heads, they're playing with fire... I don't want to be friends with that guy that does... people who call heads are weirdos.

Michael Jordan is the GOAT because he doesn't have to say it

You know who doesn't say they're the GOAT? Michael Jordan, because he knows he's the GOAT. You don't have to say it if you know you're the GOAT... Michael Jordan was asked if he was the greatest of all time and he was like, my career is not over.

LeBron James is the Donald Trump of basketball

LeBron James actually has the exact same take on LeBron James being the goat that you had... LeBron won while he was in Ohio. Won in Florida, both of them. Check, check. They've both got weird hair. Check. Check. LeBron can't win in California. Neither can Trump. Check.

Jason Garrett is the dumbest person alive for playing his starters in Week 17

Jason Garrett wins the Are You the Dumbest Person Alive Award for playing all his starters because he desperately – now, I don't know what you think, but I think it was clear that Jason Garrett wanted to win 10 games so that when Jerry Jones goes to his office next year and is like, hey, I'm thinking about firing you, he's like, but I won 10 games.

I would rather play the Vikings than the Eagles in the playoffs

I actually went back and forth because, listen, I'm not on the team, so I can say this. I would rather play the Vikings than the Eagles. This is not bulletin board material. I think playing the Super Bowl champs, Nick Foles... versus playing Kirk Cousins who cannot beat anyone. Ever. Who has a winning record.

John Elway is the primary problem with the Denver Broncos' front office.

John Elway, the problem is probably you. Because his defense is really good. They've got a really good running back. And then they go out and they get Case Keenum.

I will fight Darren Rovell in Rough N' Rowdy with one hand tied behind my back.

Rovell, if you want to answer Dana White's question, what do you know about fighting? The offer is still out there. I will fight you in rough and rowdy with one hand.

John Gruden loves himself too much to build the Raiders into winners

I think what you're seeing now is that John loves John. It's about John. And, you know, you get rid of Khalil Mack, you get rid of Amari Cooper. Not sure why in the hell you do that because they're two really, really good players, cornerstones you build around... I don't think he can adapt to this player in this day and age right now... He's still about coming in at 3:17 in the morning, writing his own cue cards. He's got to change that. If he can't, he won't be successful.

Andy Reid has completely reinvented his offensive coaching style to thrive in the modern NFL.

Andy Reid is a classic example of a guy that's reinvented everything he does. Think about Andy Reid at Philly. West Coast offense, dink and dunk... Now, it's RPO. It's Tyreek Hill. It's Jet Sweeps. It's Patrick Mahomes. He's changed the entire game.

It is more logical for a football player to piss their pants on the field than to miss a snap by going to the locker room.

Why would I go all the way back to the locker room and maybe miss an important snap that I can help my team? Why not just let it go and move on? ... Especially when you're in the middle of a game, the pants you have on are already sweaty anyway. They got to wash them anyway.

The strategy of not paying quarterbacks is only true if the quarterback is Kirk Cousins or Matthew Stafford

So essentially the argument that people are tweeting out that you shouldn't pay a quarterback boils down to just don't pay Kirk Cousins or Matt Stafford. That works. That's it... Essentially the entire theory that you should just draft a young quarterback and never pay a quarterback makes no sense because half of the playoffs are quarterbacks that are going to be paid $20 million or more.

New Year's resolutions only work because everyone agrees to be collectively annoying at the same time.

It's annoying in general to hear people talking about any change they're making... But if you preface it by saying it's a New Year's resolution, it's slightly less annoying. It's all everyone decides to be annoying together. We're in like group therapy.

Dabo Swinney is the second best head coach in the country

I think Dabo is probably the second best coach in the country. I think he's way better than Brian Kelly. I like the Clemson. I like the Rock.

I would love to run the same offense in the NFL that I ran at Oklahoma

To me, yeah, obviously the easiest answer would be, yeah, I'd love to run the offense I did at Oklahoma. That's because I had three years to do it, and I got so comfortable in it.

It is human nature for an injured player to sometimes root for their team to lose

I don't think you'd be human if there wasn't a part of you that was like, I hope that we lose. It's the competitive nature in you. Kyrie's probably going through the same thing. Like, I wish I was out there. I wish I was helping the team win. I think to compete at this level, you have to have that mentality.

Eli Manning deserves more respect from Giants fans despite being benched

Why are they still playing Eli Manning and benching Blake Bortles? That makes no sense. Eli brought them two championships, even though they were bullshit wins. They count. Eli should get the kind of respect that he deserves from the Giants fans, and all these guys are flipping so quick.

Brock Osweiler has the ideal size you want for a quarterback and an arm like nobody else

No, I think that's the size that you want [Brock Osweiler]. If you're tall like that, you have long arms. And his delivery, he can... If he can master it, it's like nobody will have an arm like that.

There is no asterisk on my 50-point game just because the Bulls were tanking

I don't think there's an [asterisk]. Because when I have kids, I can say I scored 50 in three quarters. They're not going to remember. I just don't think the Chicago Bulls, oh, the team Jordan played for. Yeah, Jordan was guarding me... Look, 50 is 50. I don't care if you do it at your church.

Investing in professional sports is a much smarter financial move than investing in movies

Putting money into movies is one of the most foolish investments you'll ever make in your life. Invest in sports. You know why? Because sports, people always want to go. Sports are seasonal. It's cyclical. Going to see a movie, that's a crapshoot, man. That's like Vegas.

Modern NFL rules favor the offense so much that it is no longer good quality football

It [pisses me off] because the rules favor the offense so much. They favor the offense, and it's frustrating to watch. And fans, for whatever reason, they want to see high-scoring games. And to me, it's not fun. That's not good quality football.

NFL defensive backs today have terrible eyes and look in the backfield too much instead of watching their man

The DBs, their eyes are in the backfield. They have terrible eyes. Your eyes should be on your man... Look at the man. Look at who you're covering. It's the one thing that pisses me off more than anything as I'm looking at this.

The 2018 Bears defense reminds me of our era; they are doing a great job creating their own identity

I think they look good [2018 Bears]... remind me of us. We didn't want to live in the 85 Bear era. No one does. No one wants to live in anyone else's shadow... so I think they're trying to create their own identity. And so far, I think they're doing it, and they're doing a really good job of it.

Cam Newton should have dove for the fumble in the Super Bowl

What do you think about Cam's business decision? Yeah, I think you just go for the ball, man. Be a team player.

The Ravens are the NFL team of the weekend

Our team of the weekend has to be the Ravens. What they did on Saturday night, going to San Diego and beating Phil Rivers and a super hot Chargers team by playing 1940s offense is unbelievable. They do bully ball.

I'm not selling my Chargers stock yet

I'm still hanging on to my Charger stock. It's going to turn around just like Bitcoin. I completely agree that was a nightmare matchup for the chargers.

Patrick Mahomes is the most fun player to watch in the NFL

Would you say that Patrick Mahomes is the most fun player to watch in the NFL? If the Chiefs are playing, I have an option to watch that game. I'm watching that game every single time.

NBA players would dominate the NFL as wide receivers and tight ends

I think NBA players playing football. All the way around. I think most NBA players could probably play wide receiver or tight end. That would be my answer.

I'd rather the Bears play the Vikings than the Eagles in the playoffs

I'd rather play the Vikings than the Eagles. The Eagles are scary. Nick Foles is a scary quarterback. He's so fucking good. In the month of December and January, Nick Foles, when everybody else shrinks up because of the cold, Nick Foles just flops all around.

Kyler Murray should choose baseball over the NFL

Hell yeah. No doubt. I just think his size and his skill set, I just think it's just a smoother path to baseball. He can play baseball forever. Make more money. Exactly.