Takes

Colt McCoy is 75% of the quarterback Kirk Cousins is

I think Colt McCoy is about 75% of what Kirk Cousins is. So that's like... 40% of a franchise quarterback.

I could still play as a backup in the NFL if I didn't have to take hits

I'm very realistic, man. You know what? I can still throw it. I can drop. I can do all those things. I don't know if I can take that hit anymore. That physical part of actually those 300-plus pounders bringing down your neck, that's a whole different story.

The Eagles should simplify the game for Nick Foles by focusing on the running game

I think with Nick, I think there are certain things that they're going to probably focus more on with him... And I think that will be more so on the running game... You create matchup opportunities where it simplifies the game for Nick Foles.

Terrell Owens is a 'no-doubt' Hall of Famer

Yeah, I mean, hey, that's the decision of the voters and the writers... But, hey, the guy has put up the statistics that leave him in the conversation with the top two, three receivers ever in the National Football League... It's just a matter of time.

Terrell Owens' mood in the locker room depended entirely on his personal statistics rather than team wins

[Terrell Owens] was the type of guy that, like, if he didn't get a lot of opportunities to make plays and we won the game, he was kind of over there not real thrilled about it. But if he put up a 15-catch game and we lose, you see him there with a smile. So what does that tell you about kind of their mentality?

Jeff Fisher failed his quarterbacks by not providing expert coaching

Definitely not a whisperer, you know. I think quarterbacks were dying when they went out and played under him, unfortunately. And I think a lot of it was because he didn't surround them with the necessary expertise from a coaching standpoint.

Tom Brady hates your fantasy team and intentionally performs poorly during the playoffs

Tom Brady has a very suspiciously poor performance in games that are right in the smack dab middle of fantasy football playoffs... So he hates your fantasy team. Tom Brady hates your fantasy team. It actually, it would not shock me if this was a New England Patriots strategy to do nothing but just fuck with people that play fantasy football.

Derek Jeter is going to look 'really fucking ugly' if he gains 15 more pounds

Derek Jeter, by the way, he's one of those guys that if he puts on another 10 or 15 pounds, he's going to be really fucking ugly. Because when you get the bald head and then you get the big cheeks, it's bad. You need hair if you're fat.

Most men who appear on The Bachelorette are 'betas'

And most of those dudes [on The Bachelorette] are betas... I tell everybody, if I was on that season, I would have liked Chad... The things that he was saying was pretty true.

Jack Del Rio stinks

They're starting to wonder if it's more than just the water that smells in Oakland because Jack Del Rio stinks.

I would love to see Greg Schiano coach the Chicago Bears

I would love to see [Greg] Schiano in Chicago. I mean, what's the worst going to happen? He could have the worst record of all time as a Bears head coach? John Fox is doing that right now.

The New York Yankees are officially a problem for the rest of Major League Baseball

Giancarlo Stanton joining them... They're officially in a problem. You circle them [the Yankees] as a problem.

Ted Turner is not an alpha male

Ted Turner's not an alpha male? I don't think so... Ted had too much coverage, had too many things to govern, and he assigned them to people.

Paul Heyman is the best talking personality in wrestling by far

Paul Heyman [cuts the best promo in the game]. Without a doubt, by far. And the other guys that are on the roster would be well served to pay attention to every word he says... He's the best talking personality in wrestling, in my view, by far.

The Undertaker's WrestleMania streak is the second-greatest streak in sports history

Undertaker's number two all-time streak for me. Sports streak... I rank it just ahead of Joe DiMaggio's hit streak and just below those UCLA teams [under John Wooden].

Baker Mayfield is the best college quarterback in many years

They have arguably the best quarterback we've seen in college football in many, many years. [Baker Mayfield] is a natural [heel]... He should win the Heisman Trophy.

Matt Ryan fucking stinks

what we learned is everyone's fantasy teams went down the tubes during the playoffs and Matt Ryan fucking stinks.

Eggnog is disgusting and anyone who says otherwise is lying

My sit-em is eggnog. If you like eggnog, you're a fucking Muppet. That shit is disgusting and anyone that says otherwise lies.

Gonzaga is America's team because everyone's main team is secondary to them

I would describe us [Gonzaga] as America's team because we're always like, right? You have your main team, but everybody kind of cheers for Gonzaga, right?

LeBron James doesn't actually know what he wants to do in free agency yet

I'll give you an honest answer. I don't think LeBron knows what he wants to do. ... Like, I think at this point he has no – I think he's – I honestly don't think in his heart of hearts he knows what he wants to do.

A major college basketball coach always knows when players are getting paid

There's no way a coach of a major program doesn't know exactly what's going on at his program. 100%. Totally agree. ... Especially with the sneaker companies doing that type of stuff, you have to kind of know that somebody's getting greased on the backside.

Marquette has the worst campus in America

The two shittiest campuses in America to go to school, in my opinion, would be Marquette and Purdue. Marquette is trash. ... Marquette, I think, was the worst place I went.

Mike Mitchell saved football by blaming Andy Dalton's poor play for dangerous hits

Mike Mitchell from the Pittsburgh Steelers went on an awesome rant, basically saving football. ... Where the genius comes in is he basically said it's not that hitting in the head is a problem. It's that Andy Dalton sucks at football.

The 2017 natural disasters are the start of a trend for the 'century' disasters

I'm going to wait until the science comes out on global warming. But let me just say, I put a little pin on 2017 when we had like four or five natural disasters that were like dubbed the disasters of the century. ... And then they had like five of them in a row.

Football is inherently violent and trying to make it safe is a contradiction

And the fact that they've tried to change the rules means that they've conditioned us to think that football can be safe. And football is just not going to be safe. That's why it's an alpha males game.

Ben McAdoo changing his hair from the goofy cut to the slick-back style caused his demise with the Giants

I would have liked to see year three Ben McAdoo's hair because he went from the goofy haircut that we all made fun of to the slick back like Joe Cool, Ryan Grigson flip phone hair, which is partly why he had his demise, because he changed his hair.

The Celtics are saving the NBA and the league's viewership growth is because of them

NBA viewership's up like 32%. Celtics are the best team in basketball, so basically the Celtics are saving the NBA.

Hugging in the workplace is creepy and should be abolished

I think the only thing that's more creepy than hugging somebody at work is writing an article complaining about not being able to hug people at work anymore. ... Hugging sucks. I disavow hugging in general. Fuck hugs.

Stephen A. Smith has a point about his 'Screaming A. Smith' nickname being unfair

Stephen A. Smith says there's racial undertones to anyone who calls him Screamin' A. Smith. So he says there's a lot of people out there who scream. Why don't they get the Screamin' A. Smith nickname? ... I've done some thinking about this out loud, some verbal thoughts, and you're right. I will stop saying screaming.

The NFL hiring cycle is just old GMs hiring their friends from their physical Rolodexes

Ernie Acorsi, because he is now, this is a fun thing that happens in football, when you fire someone for being shitty at football, you hire someone who's been in the NFL forever to go find the next person, and he just hires his friends.

Left-handed quarterbacks have 'lefty swag' and being a lefty is awesome

I think being a lefty is fucking awesome, dude. ... We got lefty swag. ... I know what it takes [to look good throwing], but I will say this. ... [Alex Hornibrook] has got a funky delivery, doesn't he?

Josh Rosen is a more refined and natural thrower than Sam Darnold

I think you look at Josh Rosen. Rosen is really refined. He's a great thrower. He's got a great arm, but he's a natural thrower. Sam [Darnold] is a little more funky, a little more unrefined, but a different type of player.

The 'beer bong' photo in Arizona was harmless and unfairly maligned, but it might have changed the path of my NFL career

Harmless. I'm 22 in my house in my backyard. Completely harmless. ... And probably changed the path of my career, which is crazy. ... With Ken Whisenhunt and just how it was portrayed because I just thought I was like—first of all, I should have had a rager if that was going to happen.

Alabama only made the College Football Playoff because of their name, not because they are better than Ohio State

I don't think Alabama is unequivocally better than Ohio State. I just haven't seen that from Alabama this year. I think they're great, but I think they're in because of who they are. And I think winning a conference championship at some point should matter.

LeVar Ball is a mastermind at putting out 'hater bait' to control the news cycle

LeVar Ball at this point, he's just masterful. He's just putting out hater bait for everyone. He's just like, go ahead. I'm going to pull my son out because we haven't been in the news cycle for maybe 24 hours. And then everyone's going to get mad.

I would rather root for a team that loses in the big game than one that never makes it

I still think I would take a team that's consistently – I would rather be in the big game and lose the big game than never sniff the big game. I can't imagine being a fan of Vanderbilt football.

Wisconsin will never win a national championship because they don't get fast five-star recruits

I'm sticking with what Wisconsin has, even though I know in my heart of hearts they'll never get the fast guys, they'll never get the really good guys, so they'll never win.

Case Keenum has reached the point where he won't be benched even if he loses a game

Case Keenum has now gotten to the point where if he loses a game, I think he still gets to play the next game. So it's really Case Keenum, we're going to do this.

The Big Ten Championship game should be played outdoors to neutralize speed and favor Big Ten style football

It's kind of stupid that the Big Ten... plays a championship game indoors, don't you think? I think speed should be neutralized. That's probably why Wisconsin lost. Maybe play it in cold, like gross field. ... That's football. Nobody likes offense anyways.

NFL players have no leverage in CBA negotiations because they will never strike

I think they're [the owners] going to take us behind the woodshed again. They got us last time. We have no leverage because we'll never strike. They'll lock us out and really kind of just dictate the terms of everything with us.

Tex can't fight and is a little girl

Tex can't fight. He's a little girl. I love how Tex just goes around the office and punks people just on the whole tough guy kick. ... He tries very hard and it doesn't work.

Alabama is a better team than Ohio State regardless of the committee's logic

The only thing I care about, I actually have no problem with Alabama being in because I do think that they're a better team than Ohio State. I just think the committee is full of fucking shit. At the end of the day, all that fucking matters is losses and big losses. And if Ohio State doesn't lose by 31 to Iowa, they're in.

USC should have been ranked ahead of Ohio State in the final playoff rankings

USC... should have at least been discussed. They should have been ahead of Ohio State in some ways. And that's really what it comes down to, big losses. ... West Coast bias is back, officially back.

Dak Prescott sucks

Dak Prescott sucks. He sucks. And anytime – everyone's like, well, he lost to Zeke Elliott. Well, if losing your running back means that you aren't a good quarterback anymore, you weren't a good quarterback to begin with.

Bitcoin is fake and people should buy land instead

My stardom is land. Bitcoin, currency, it's all fake. You can't see it. Buy something you can see with your own two eyeballs. Buy a plot. Buy an acre. Squat on it.

Josh Rosen is ready for the NFL now, but Sam Darnold should stay in school

I would take Rosen right now. I think Darnold needs to go back. I mean, I never want to tell a kid to go to school again for another year when he can get paid, but I think as far as being a quarterback is concerned, Darnold would be better going back for another year, whereas I think Rosen's ready to play in the NFL now.

Quarterbacks who throw bad spirals are actually harder to intercept

There are a lot of quarterbacks out there that don't throw a good spiral, and it makes them tougher to intercept.

Tennessee missed out by not hiring Jeff Brohm

Brohm, he's a good coach, man. I like him... I think [hiring him] would have been an awesome hire.

The Bears would have had a better chance to win the 2010 NFC Championship if they played Caleb Hanie earlier

We'd have had a better chance of winning [the 2010 NFC Championship], no question. [If Lovie Smith went straight to Caleb Hanie].

Wearing sleeves in the cold is weak for an NFL player

That is so weak, man... I am [calling Kyle Long weak]. That's weak, dog. Next time I see him, [I'll say it to his face].