Takes

Skyline Chili is greatness in your mouth and I could eat it every day.

Skyline Chili, yes or no? Yes. Big time. ... I disagree with you 100%. ... I could eat it every day. I'm a big Coney guy. ... It's greatness in your mouth. I mean, that cheese and everything. Like, come on, man. You can't tell me that you don't enjoy biting into a cheese coney.

Bat flipping is appropriate in high-pressure situations, but doing it while winning by several runs warrants a beanball.

You've got to know when it's appropriate and know when it's not appropriate. In my mind, that's an appropriate time. You're in a high-pressure situation. You just crush a ball, and you're putting your team up three. It's a big run. I feel like that's appropriate. But, like, if you're up by, like, three and you crush it and you bat flip and you're popping the chains... You deserve to get one right in the ribs.

The Giants would have beaten the Patriots if they had made it to the Super Bowl.

I think [Bob Kraft] is actually right because Eli Manning is the exact opposite in Super Bowls as Matt Ryan. He sucks for three quarters and then he's really, really good weirdly in the fourth.

Bill Self underachieves with his talent at Kansas

[Bill Self's] teams are always really, really good, but they should be better. He doesn't get the most out of his talent. That's the side I'm on.

Fall is the best season for napping, followed by spring

I would rank it power ranking nap seasons, fall number one, spring number two.

A broadcaster will not get a Power 5 head coaching job like Oklahoma State

I just don't see places like Oklahoma State, like Power 5 Jobs, going to broadcasters like us. I would find that kind of hard to believe, but you never know.

LeBron James only wears 'bunsen burner' goggles as an excuse for potential failure

He literally just wears these things [goggles] so that then he can say these things were screwing with me... or he can look tough in front of the cameras... Bunsen burner goggles mixed with a guy that goes to a shooting range for the first time.

Mark Davis belongs in Las Vegas because he owns more than one white sports coat

Mark Davis was... meant to be in Vegas... They probably just looked at Mark Davis' closet and were like, okay, you own more than one white sports coat. You need to be the owner of a franchise in Las Vegas or Miami.

Kansas is currently the best-looking team in the NCAA tournament

Purdue looked awful in the second half, but also Kansas. I mean, they are the best-looking team right now.

Oregon is a 'Team of Destiny' because of the Chris Boucher injury

Don't sleep on Oregon because remember, Oregon takes on Michigan's Team of Destiny and Oregon had the big injury to [Chris] Boucher right before this tournament started... when you lose someone, that's a big Team of Destiny situation.

My heart can only be ripped out by Wisconsin if they blow a 20-point lead

I don't think my heart can't be ripped out unless Wisconsin gets like a 20-point lead because it's still the Sweet 16. So I think they'll either have a huge lead and blow it or they will advance and that will be the heart rip out on Sunday.

The NFL should replace extra points with a greased-up Andy Reid climbing a goal post

Have you guys discussed the possibility of eliminating extra points and having a control center where greased up Andy Reid climbs a goal post like a Double Dare challenge? Could be fun.

The NFL should ban the 'Senior' suffix on nameplates because it's a brag about having sex

Can you get rid of the senior suffix on the nameplate since it's just kind of a brag that the player had sex at one point? NFL is kind of a family television deal.

North Carolina is the best team left in the NCAA tournament

I would say if North Carolina plays a perfect game, they're the best team left in the NCAA tournament.

Always eat ass on the first date

If it smells nice, I eat it, lick it, eat the ass, and then worry about it later... Do you eat ass on first date? ... You got to. You got to.

I convinced Japanese baseball fans to love America during the WBC

I think that they [Japanese fans] were very surprised how warm and nice Americans were to them... when they came to the United States for the very first time, they were shocked... and the next night they came here and they were more passionate for USA than many of the USA fans were against Puerto Rico.

LeVar Ball is currently the 'straw that stirs the drink' for NBA media

LeVar Ball is the straw that stirs the drink. Of NBA media right now... parents are now the content engines.

Mark Sanchez will be the 'alpha' in the Bears locker room over Mike Glennon

Sanchez is going to be the alpha in that locker room. So that's the situation... You never want to bring in a backup. That's the alpha.

Mark Cuban has become everything he used to hate

Something's been going on with [Mark] Cuban recently because he used to be woke. He was the wokest of the old owners. Now he's become everything that he used to hate. He's getting duped left and right.

Robert Griffin III acts like an eighth grader in his first relationship on Instagram

Robert Griffin [III], Bobby Griffin, is getting himself in. He's like an eighth grader in their first relationship. That's what this is like. Eventually it's going to be, okay, Robert, just chill out with the Hallmark greeting card messages.

Robert Griffin III being a 'goober' on Instagram makes Russell Wilson look better

This is actually great for Russell Wilson because anytime RG3 opens his mouth, people remember, oh, Russ Wilson isn't the biggest goober quarterback out there.

NBA players are right to sit out games if we judge them solely on championship rings

I actually want to point the finger back at the fans and media for this one. Because if there's one thing that all the fans and media do is they count rings... If these guys are sitting out because they're trying to win rings, I mean, they're literally trying to put themselves in the best position to win the thing that we judge their entire worth on.

The NBA has a credentialed media problem

This puts the credentialed media squarely in the crosshairs of the NFL. In fact, I would go as far to say that the NFL has a credentialed media problem... Epidemic of their credentialed media people violating the law.

The 2016 World Series rain delay locker room meeting was the 'all false energy' moment

He [Rajai Davis] hits that home run, and you're like, okay, this is real. Like, the GOAT, Black Cat, 0-3. You're just like, what is going on? Chapman digs deep and gets us to the ninth, and then it's all false energy in the dugout. We're pushing, but it's not where we were before. We go into the weight room. We all come together. It's a little emotional in there.

I reward myself with dessert after good games and sulk in dessert after bad games

I usually gain a little bit [of weight during the season]. I'm a stress eater. I have a major theory that has been working for me. After a good game, I reward myself with dessert. And then after a bad game, I sulk in dessert.

The ACC is soft

The ACC is dead... The ACC is soft. Sucks, and they're soft.

The Big Ten is back

The Big Ten is back.

Duke's loss proves you need to play like a team, not just have talent

This actually is a point for people against all the Sabermetrics nerds who say you just need the talent. If you watch Duke all year, they never really played like a team... they had obviously the highest ceiling because they had the most talent, but you've got to play like a team.

I believe everything LeVar Ball says; Lonzo Ball is awesome

I now am believing everything that LeVar Ball says because Lonzo Ball was unbelievable against Cincinnati... He is awesome. And so billion-dollar contract, shoe contract, yep, sign him up.

As President, I would start a MAC spring football season on the Monday after the first round of March Madness

If I ever become president, the Monday after the first round of the tournament, we start the MAC spring football season. It's a three-day season. I don't care. Just give me something. You can't give us nonstop betting action for four days straight and then just snatch it from our little hands.

Tom Crean shouldn't have been fired by Indiana

I feel bad for Tom. I like him. I like his family... But, you know, you put yourself in a position, man, they're going to fire you, so he'll be fine, but I didn't think he should have been fired.

Brad Underwood is a great hire for Illinois

That is a great hire, man. That dude is a ball coach. He's offense... I think he's a great hire. Absolutely great hire for Illinois.

Gonzaga is a team of destiny because they absorbed Northwestern's power

I do believe in teams of destiny absorbing the teams they beat and their destiny... So they took out Northwestern, which was a true team of destiny, and they absorbed all that destiny. They're double the destiny.

Vanderbilt's late-game foul against Northwestern was the dumbest move since Chris Webber's timeout

Northwestern advances on the dumbest foul since Chris Webber. Yeah, that's pretty bad. Dumbest move since Chris Webber called the timeout in the national championship game. Boneheaded, just complete brain fart. What happened, I'm sure you all saw, but Vanderbilt was up one and Matthew Fisher Davis decided to foul with 10 seconds left. 45 feet past half court from Northwestern's basket and they end up losing by one. Unbelievable move.

I'm officially done with people laughing at Bill Murray just for being Bill Murray

I don't hate Bill Murray at all. I hate what Bill Murray has become. I was a year ahead of the curve on this. So last year when I said this, you guys were like, what's going on? Bill Murray's the best. And now I think people are starting to realize that just because Bill Murray shows up at your bar mitzvah drunk doesn't mean he's pulling off some great comedic stuff. I'm just done with people laughing at Bill Murray for being Bill Murray.

Tom Crean is a good coach, but his 'stupid face' makes it impossible to survive a bad season

I'm going to miss Tom Crean. I said it before he was getting fired. Unfortunately, what happened to Tom Crean, I don't think he's that bad of a coach. He's a pretty good recruiter. But if you have a bad season and you have a stupid fucking face, it's impossible to overcome that.

LeVar Ball's plan is just to get a billion dollar contract for himself using his kids

He's reached the point where everything that he says is picked up by every media source possible. So he knows that no matter what comes out of his mouth it's going to be distributed nationwide and that's kind of his plan right? He wants to develop the brand he wants to have a high profile so his kids can get a billion or sorry so that he can get a billion dollar contract. And then his kids will get a little taste of that.

Tommy Lasorda is mentally sharp but his physical stature is overrated

Tommy's fine. He's upright. He's around. He's mentally very spry. Physically, he's not at the top of his game, but mentally he is... Overrated. He's sharp. You know when you get older and they have that row of 20 lines that they can go to in any situation, you can't beat them at anything? He's at that stage.

I love when hitters celebrate and flip bats, even if it's against me

Actually, I like hitter celebrating, even if it's in a way that I don't agree with. Just do it. Do your thing. I'd be okay with it.

I'm fine with having dementia in 30 years as a result of my baseball career

Yeah, you just keep it out of your head as much as you can and just know you're going to have dementia in 30 years and you're okay with it.

Jim Harbaugh's enthusiasm for his own colonoscopy makes him a 'basic bitch'

Jim Harbaugh, who yesterday tweeted, 'attacking this day with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind before my 1:30 p.m. colonoscopy.' I also like it because he's kind of a basic bitch. He has like a black and white picture of him smiling in the middle of a street in Ann Arbor. Like, 'hey, I'm about to go get my butthole fingered.'

Jim Harbaugh should not be attacking the day with enthusiasm before a colonoscopy; he needs to let his butthole relax

I'm pretty sure your doctor's orders before that procedure include do not attack this day with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind. Like that's a day that you just chill out for a while. Like let your butthole just kind of relax.

Dating a woman who owns a cat by herself is a major red flag

Your first mistake was dating a girl that owns a cat by herself. That's a red flag right there.

Rugby is the sport of the future

I was at the rugby tournament. That is the sport of the future. It solidified it. Shout out another semifinals for the U.S. national team.

The Somali Pirates are officially a dynasty because they robbed their first ship in five years

My cool throne Somali Pirates. They robbed a ship for the first time in five years. Hell yes. So they are back.

Wisconsin being an 8-seed is the worst injustice in college basketball history

This is the worst season of the tournament of my lifetime. This is the worst injustice in college basketball history. Wisconsin swept Minnesota. They finished second in the Big Ten in the regular season, and then they were the runner-ups in the Big Ten tournament. And then Minnesota gets a 5 seed, and Wisconsin got an 8 seed. I don't understand it.

Baylor is the biggest fraud team in the tournament

SMU... I pick them for two reasons. One, I just like them... And two, I think Baylor's the biggest fraud team in the tournament.

Duke isn't a good team, they just have good players

Duke is back to being back. But we're conveniently ignoring that Duke was down 15 in all these ACC tournament games... Duke is not a good team. They have good players, but they're not actually a good team. And SMU is a good team. So it wouldn't surprise me to see SMU win.

Gonzaga is the best team in the country

I actually like Gonzaga. I think Gonzaga's the best team in the country, and I know that's absolutely insane to say. I don't expect them to win at all, but I do think they're the best team and the most complete team.

Jim Harbaugh's parents rooted for John in the Super Bowl because Jim would be unbearable with a ring

I bet you his parents were rooting for John to win that Super Bowl. Because Jim Harbaugh with a Super Bowl ring over John would be unbearable at any family gathering from that point on. He would wear it every Thanksgiving.