Takes

Gerrit Cole is a loser for blaming a four-minute delay on a bad start

Garrett Cole said that the game being delayed four minutes was an unforeseen challenge for him. He said the festivities got a little away from the schedule... he's just a loser. Before he came to New York, everyone just assumed he was like the bad-ass dude... then he comes to New York and he's just, he's like sweaty. And he can't answer questions correctly.

The 'Sampson Effect' causes players to perform worse when they join the Yankees and have to shave

If you have to cut your hair or shave to change your personal appearance, I bet it throws you off Sampson effect. I bet you it's almost every player that goes there... Randy Johnson shave his beard when he sucked, when he was in the eighties.

The object in the Alaska sky was a UFO shot out of the sky by the government

Many are saying that it might've been a UFO that was shot out of the street that they don't want us to know about. But the government is saying it was just a contrail. I think it has a lot to do with it. Something's going on.

Dan Snyder's financial theft from other owners will be what finally forces him to sell the team

Dan Snyder... Apparently Snyder was lying about how much money he was getting into his gate. So he was actively stealing from the other owners... if you steal a million dollars from Jed York, they want to kill you. And so it looks like if anything's going to happen, this would be what could bring Dan Snyder down.

The Masters at Augusta National is tarnished by letting Dude Perfect and Bryson DeChambeau film content there

The course at Augusta National Georgia... tough look over the weekend. Bryson DeChambeau and Dude Perfect got together... and they went to Augusta's Amen Corner... I actually am on the side of golf hardos that like, if you say that exclusivity is your thing and it's sacred, you can't have this.

I will continue to keep the same 'negative' energy about LeBron James as he requested

My who's back is LeBron... his tweets coming back and everyone's retweeting it... 'keep that same narrative energy when it begins'... And we are keeping that same energy. He asked me to... far be it for me to disobey one of LeBron James' orders.

The current USMNT roster is a 'Golden Generation'

The U.S. Men's National Team... suck my dick Italy. They didn't make it. We did... the golden generation for the U.S. soccer team is here. I just hear people say that. It sounds so cool when they say it. So I think we can officially declare because this team is young enough. I'm just going to say, this is our golden generation.

The USMNT will get out of the group stage in the 2022 World Cup

When we make the World Cup, we always get out of pool play.

LeBron James only cares about breaking the NBA scoring record now

LeBron dropped 39 tonight... and they lost... literally all he does is score points for the record... classical LeBron, Hey fellows. Remember one thing a woman will always love and vibe with a real true player.

MLB should adopt the Savannah Bananas rule where a fan catching a foul ball is an out

Banana ball rule number nine, if a fan catches a foul ball, it's an out and it happened and it went viral... I feel like the majors should consider... if they did that to the majors, that'd be, that would change the game with home field.

Patty the Batty is going to be a massive star

Our colleague, Patty the Batty put on an electric show... Patty the Batty's going to be a star. I'm so excited. He choked out the guy in what, like three minutes... I just love Patty too because his haircut and just how he looks. And then he kicks your ass.

Amari Cooper is perpetually not as good as his hype

Amari Cooper is firmly in my mind, a guy who like just is perpetually, not as good as his hype. He's a guy who you will forever want to be a clear cut number one. And he will never be that. So you know what I'm saying? Like, you're always wanting Amari Cooper to be the guy. And I don't think he ever will be the guy. I mean, CD lamb's better than him.

The Celtics are legitimate contenders to win the Eastern Conference

Celtics are back. They had some trouble early in the year... they have fully figured it out. Their defense is unbelievable. I think right now they're second in the league defensively. Beginning of the year, I didn't think that the Celtics had a shot to win the East. Now I do.

Once you mentally transition into wearing shorts for the spring, you can never go back to pants

Once I mentally transitioned into shorts, I just don't go back. And so I'll get caught with like wearing these shorts when it's freezing outside, looking like a fool... but I can't go back and officially made the mental transition. I'm a short, skinny.

Malik Willis threw the ball 73.72 yards at the NFL Combine

Doing some Pythagoras theorem on Malik Willis' absolute gigantic throw. So he threw it 60 yards down the field. But if you [calculate] the hypotenuse of how actually far you threw in a straight line, it got out to 73.72.

Desmond Ridder has 'fuckable spirals'

Desmond Ridder has nice spiral, Cincinnati guy. He gives me Justin Herbert type vibes... fuckable spirals for fuckable spirals. If you see a spiral, you're like, damn that spiral sexy.

Tommy Tanks is the main attraction of college baseball

Tommy Tanks he's on NC state. I believe it's seven home runs in his first nine... he's kind of the main story, the main attraction of college baseball this year with no [MLB] baseball going on, it's getting even more heightened coverage.

James Harden is the perfect piece to pair with Joel Embiid

I do think the Sixers are very good now. James Harden's perfect piece to pair with [Embiid], but it's going to piss people off, especially that James Harden has now done it twice where he's skinny all of a sudden again, he feels great and he just duped everyone.

I can break Vegas with a specific March Madness hedging spreadsheet

I'm thinking I'm going to take all the favorites from the first round and bet all of them to win the whole thing as a future. And then bet the money line on all of the underdogs so that the money lines pays all the future bets.

The Waste Management Open is the best sporting event crowd scene in the world

Waste management opening was this weekend. One of the best, I think sporting event, crowd scenes, that I've never been to that looks so, so, so much fun... you know, I went to showers, beers, throw beers, have to delay and clean them all up. It looks unbelievable.

Adam Schefter's sentimental Matthew Stafford/OBJ photoshop made no sense

I have a whose back of the week is stupid tweets that try to be sentimental because Adam Schefter's tweet after super bowl makes no sense. He said to all those who said it couldn't be done, and it's a picture of Eli Manning, Calvin Johnson, Jarvis Landry, looking on as Matthew Stafford and OBJ celebrate the super bowl.

We are officially boycotting the Olympics

I was back in the week as the Olympics... we're boycotting. Except the women's hockey, the women's hockey team we're supporting because they're friends of ours and we coach them. But we're boycott.

Five years is the official amount of time for a meme to become funny again

It's the perfect time for it to come full circle. Cause we've, we've predicted, we've had this conversation off air many times. Like when do you think Harambe jokes are going to be funny again? I think five years is now officially the amount of time when something can become fun again.

Athletes only get into fights at 'nightclubs,' never at 'bars'

Have you ever noticed that when it's an athlete getting into a bar fight, it's always a nightclub. Yeah. And it's never like, they never just say like at a bar it's like at, at a local nightclub establishment.

Coach K is a hypocritical fraud for refusing halftime media interviews

Whoa. Are you, are you just realizing now that huge [hypocrite] fraud? Well, no. Jake is just realizing now because it's about halftime interview with the media. He never does halftime because he plays, plays on the roof. That's crazy. Like I understand he's a legend for whatever, but just take the interview.

Mike McDaniel will save Tua Tagovailoa's career

Dolphins hired a new head coach, Mike McDaniel. Watch that clip of his, he seems very media friendly guy, big personality. He's going to save Tua [Tagovailoa].

The NFC is wide open for the next few years

Tom Brady just retired. Aaron Rodgers may go to the AFC who the fuck knows where he's going to end up. Like the NFC is going to be wide open for a little bit.

Harambe is officially back as a cultural force due to the Bengals' Super Bowl run

My who's back of the week is our sweet prince Heran bay. We obviously were very early on it in 2016... with the Bengals making this run, then being from Cincinnati it's of naturally happened... it went Facebook, super nuclear viral... it's back.

Emily in Paris is a genius show despite being terrible

Emily in Paris is the worst show ever by the way, never watched it... it is mind-numbingly bad, but it's one of those shows that's so bad. It sucks you in... It's a genius show. It's a genius show and it's terrible. But it's genius.

The Rams are the first team ever to play a Super Bowl in their own home stadium

This could be the first Superbowl ever slayed by a team in its own home stadium. It's the Rams. Make it to the Superbowl. It's never been done before.

I want to get rid of replay in sports and go back to just the human element

I want to get rid of that. I want to get rid of replay sports. You just argue that the robots machines are hacked... I actually think it would solve a lot of things if they just decided everything on the field, dude, no replay. Replay has gone too far.

Any head coach the Bears hire will fail because the organization is broken

I've come to a bad realization with it—with my wisdom in life—is that it's not the coach. It's the organization. Like whoever gets hired is going to fail because the organization will fail them... 90% chance will fail because the Bears are broken, terrible organization.

Adam Schefter is an information broker, not a journalist

I think that Schefter over the last couple of years has gotten—he's not a journalist anymore. Right? We can agree. Yes. He's—he's an information broker. He's essentially just like a guy that collects dirt and will play to whoever the highest bidder is... He should stop pretending that he has any sort of journalistic integrity at all.

The Duke basketball season is a failure if Coach K doesn't win the national title

I know we joke around about saying—like if Coach K doesn't lead them to a national championship, then it's an utter failure.

Alabama will beat Georgia 30-21 in the National Championship

The final score was 30 to 21, Alabama. So I'm going to bet that exact same. I'm going to bet that kind of the spread at an alternate line... I feel good about it. I don't know if I can trust my own brain sometimes, but I feel like when I turned my brain off, that's when I do my best thing.

Georgia -2.5 is my Game of the Year for the National Championship

2022 is going to be the year of game of the years. I'm just saying it right now. Georgia minus two and a half. I've decided this breaking news game of the year.

The Bulls can compete with anyone in the Eastern Conference

I actually think [the Bulls] are very, very good. And they could compete with anyone in the east... the nets do not scare me.

Brian Kelly's tenure at LSU will probably blow up due to the bad culture fit

I'm super excited for Brian Kelly in Baton Rouge because it's such a bad culture fit, obviously. So it's going to probably blow up. Now. He can either win really quickly and he should, because if he doesn't, it's going to get bad and it's going to get bad really fast. And it can be very funny to watch like Brian Kelly pretending to be a southerner.

Cincinnati can give Alabama a good game in the playoffs because of their secondary

I'm actually already going to do it again because I actually think Cincinnati could give Alabama a good game because their secondary is that fucking good. And they have a quarterback that is like, just doesn't let anyone catch anything.

Gonzaga talent-wise might be the best NCAA basketball team in 30 years

Talent wise, they might be the best NCAA basketball team that I've seen in the last 30 years.

Tiger Woods is back

I was backs tiger woods. And so on. The golf club is deep. People went crazy... He swung a golf club. I've won one crazy.

Breaking your ribs feels the same as being shot

You know, Rob Gronkowski is stealing more valor. He said that when he broke his ribs, he's never been shot before. But when he broke his ribs, he thought it was like how it feels to get shot.

Vegans have nothing to look forward to in life

Vegans gross. Like what do you do? What do you look forward to? Bread? Ice cream? If you're a vegan, tell me what you look forward to? The day you die and you get the sweet release of this hellhole of a life.

The state of Arizona is right to end Daylight Savings Time

I don't care about the daylight savings technicality... why we do it. I'm pretty sure the state of Arizona ended it. ... I just don't understand why farmers need to have us bent over a barrel for them. I'm sick of it. Agreed. It's very depressing.

Michigan will win the college basketball national championship

I'm pretty sure Gonzaga's a favorite. Fucking Gonzaga. They're never going to win shit. [Big Cat: Who do you have winning all?] Michigan.

Arch Manning might be a bust because his high school competition is mid-tier

Is he a bust? Is Arch Manning a bust... To have the discussion. No, because he's lost in high school, which I think is important for a quarterback's progression point... [but] his league's a little, like it's kind of mid tier.

The Braves vs. Astros World Series will not interest a national audience

I feel bad the sport of the MLB. Cause like, let's be honest, Braves Astros. Doesn't really get the needle moving for a national audience.

Coach Ed Orgeron will return as a 'full-time interim coach' for hire

Next time any program needs an interim head coach, he should be interim for hire. He should be a full-time interim coach.

Florida QB Anthony Richardson is Cam Newton 2.0 and a 2022 Heisman candidate

Florida's quarterback that they put in second [Anthony Richardson] is Cam Newton 2.0, yes. He's on my big board for Heisman next year.

The Red Sox are going to win the World Series

I mean, the Red Sox, I think they're going to win the World Series at this point. I think everything that happens... doesn't it feel like they have those weird vibes going now?