Takes

The 2023 MLB All-Star jerseys were terrible and the league should let players wear their team uniforms instead

The all-star jerseys were terrible. I don't know what they were doing. They looked so, so bad. It feels like it... it should be easy to not mess this up. I also wouldn't hate it if they... did it where it was just roads and, and home. Like you wore your uniform with your grays with like an emblem on it.

A grilled cheese is better the less effort you put into it

I also think that a grilled cheese is one of those things that it's better the less effort that you put into it. Yeah. Like you can make a gourmet grilled cheese with some of the best cheese in the world. But for my money, if you just take like two slices of Wonder Bread and some craft singles that's perfect.

Anyone who says 'I turned out fine' regarding their childhood trauma actually didn't turn out fine

Anyone who says I turned out fine, there you are. Not fine. About anything, anything. It could be like X Y, Z happened to me when I was a kid. I turned out fine. 'I smoked, my father made me smoke cigarettes when I was five years old. Look how I turned out.' I'm fine. Yeah, I'm great.

The Eagles would beat the Chiefs 10 out of 10 times in the Super Bowl if the field conditions were better

All I can say is it was a great game till the end. You know, if, if the field was better, if we were playing on turf, you know, I'd take us 10 outta 10. But I have to say that.

South Dakota is the 'cool Dakota' while North Dakota is for people who aren't cool

North Dakota is kind of like where people go that aren't cool. And like South Dakota's the cool Dakota. Okay. Really? It's just like Canada didn't want 'em. So like we'll just give 'em North Dakota.

The Eagles could successfully run their 'tush push' quarterback sneak on every single down

I think we could go up and down the field [running the sneak every down]. Yeah. I think Jalen would break more than you would think and probably drop a safety and take it.

Jalen Hurts is a top two quarterback in the NFL

I think Jay has to be at the top. Yes. Personally speaking, Jalen's in the top two and depending on what fan base we want to antagonize. But personally speaking, Jaylen's in the top two.

Car time is for listening to podcasts, not for talking

Not for talking. Car time is for listening. When is he supposed to make these business calls in the car? On the golf course? Yeah.

It would be extremely funny if Victor Wembanyama turned out to be a bust

I know that we're a Victor Wembanyama podcast. We've staked our reputation on it. Everyone will remember this. It would be so fucking funny if he was a bust.

The social media app Threads is boring and already dead because it's too nice

I'm already, it was fun for like two and a half days. ... I don't know what to do with it now because I just don't, there's nothing, it's too nice. ... I think I'm done. I think I'm done with it.

Golf ball manufacturers should put tracking chips in balls to prevent loss

They need to make a fucking golf ball with a chip in it that you can locate on your phone when you lose it in the Woods or in a bush or in tall grass. ... Let's make a golf ball with a chip in it. We we're way overdue for that

The Vegas Sphere is the coolest thing ever and the future of advertising

It's maybe the coolest thing I've ever seen. Like, I feel like it's gonna be everywhere all the time now. Like it's the, it's the future. ... However much it costs to advertise on it is like it's better than a billboard.

Bob Huggins' legal defense that he never actually resigned from West Virginia is "brilliant" and "ironclad"

Bob Huggins is kind of back. ... He's employing a brilliant legal defense right now. He's claiming that he never actually resigned from WVU... that his wife sent an email saying that he was maybe gonna step down and that they ran with that. ... It sounds pretty ironclad.

"Girl dinner" is just a new name for the way I've been snacking for 20 years

I've been eating girl dinner for the last 20 years of my life. ... Charcuterie bro. Dude, I've been eating girl dinner forever. I just accidentally eat a full sleeve of crackers and a block of cheese while I'm standing in front of my fridge.

Tom Brady is "all natural" and would never date someone with a "fake body" like Kim Kardashian

She's got a fake body and Tom Brady would never do something like that. ... Tom Brady is a real man. He cares about family, brotherhood, love. ... Tom Brady's all natural himself.

The NBA Cup is awesome and gives fans a real reason to care about the regular season in December

My who's back is the NBA cup. It was revealed this weekend. ... I think it's awesome. ... December 9th. I don't think people are circling NBA on their calendar, but now this gives you a reason to do so.

In Kyle Shanahan's offense, receivers are open on nearly every play

Guys are open. I mean, there's a lot of guys open on near every play. It just seems like there's a ton of answers. ... knowing that the coordinator's gonna put everyone in the best position possible.

Pissing in the snow and writing your name is an elite experience

Peeing in the snow. Pissing in the snow, writing your name in the snow rocks, watching it melt. ... You got your own fire hose.

Shower pisses are elite and I will actually hold a piss just so I can do it in the shower

The shower piss is elite. ... It's like automatic that I pee in the shower. I'll hold a piss to go in the shower. ... It's also kind of badass when you're a little dehydrated and your piss is yellow in the shower.

Shower pisses are gross and I am not a shower piss guy

I'm not a shower piss guy. ... [PFT: How can you not pee in the shower?] I'm not a shower piss guy. ... Shower pisses are so gross.

Peeing on a smoldering campfire to put it out is an elite experience

Peeing onto a smoldering fire... putting out the fire. So putting out your fire rules. ... You got your own fire hose.

Wonton Don was such a great guest that next time we play D&D, he and Nick should both join us.

Wonton Don was a great fill in. It might just be Nick and Donny next time with us because it was that great. So much fun with him.

I promise not to kill Hank during this D&D session unless he gives me a reason to.

I promise not to kill Hank unless Hank does something that makes me have to kill him, which he might do. ... I'm not gonna attack Hank. I'm not gonna attack anybody that's in my party. But if Hank does something that's like, he really has it coming, it's gonna be tough for me not to.

I am promising that I will truce fully and not attack anyone during this D&D session.

I am promising that I will truce fully. I will not attack anyone. I Wonton try to get as far as we've ever gotten where we don't get sidetracked. ... I am dressed nicely today. ... I Wonton have fun with my friends and then, and just go on a nice adventure together.

The party can always turn on Hank if the mission goes south.

Okay, well, if shit goes south, we can always turn on Hank. As long as it's not me.

Using a Bardic Inspiration early in D&D is like using a coaching challenge in the first quarter of an NBA game.

It's like using your challenge in the first quarter. Okay. Even if you can win, win it. But if you win your challenge, you get you, you keep it. I mean three points true. It's three points in the matter. We're not an NBA podcast. Let's, I mean it's NBA, it's final season.

A Warlock is nothing without their spells.

You need your spells. [Hank] is nothing If you don't have spells.

Sending the missing kids to hell was definitely not part of our original rescue mission.

I don't think that our plan was to find these kids and send them to hell. ... I don't think that our plan was to find these kids and send them to hell. It was to [maybe save them].

My Warlock patron is basically just a dealer trying to support his family by taking souls.

He's just going to my dealer's house. Right? ... Maybe he's just trying to support his family and that's the only way he knows how. ... I gotta support the plug.

I deserve credit for the Necromancer kill because I did the heavy lifting before Hank's final blow.

Stats at the end, that kill would be mine, right? Like I, I was the one who loosened the jar. ... I was the one who did the damage.

Anything said at a championship parade should be protected by client-patient confidentiality

Anything you say at a Championship parade should be, that's like, that's client patient confidentiality. You can't, can't hold that against anybody. You're drunk at a parade. You're gonna say what you want.

Most NBA franchises are not actual destinations for free agents

I think outside of like four or five franchises in the NBA, there's not a lot of franchises that are like destinations for free agents. That's just how the league works. It's not like there's a lot of cities in the NBA that guys aren't being like lining up to go to.

The Houston Rockets are paying $128 million for Fred VanVleet's 'culture' more than his on-court talent

Houston did a lot of things in free agency and they did the most with VanVleet... Three for 128... He's a culture setter. They're paying for the culture. It is like paying $123 million for m and m's if he was actually good.

NBA players get paid more than NFL players because there are more points in basketball

People who are like 'How come the NFL players don't get this much money unless you're like a quarterback?' Well, because there's more points in basketball so you get paid by the points. It's pretty simple math guys.

The Clippers are just a collection of weirdos grouped like animals in a mason jar

The Clippers should always be just very, very strange basketball players grouped into almost like you put a bunch of different animals inside a mason jar and you make them get along. They've just got like a bunch of weirdos on the Clippers, which is exactly how I like my Clippers.

Every NBA team needs one 'irrationally confident stupid guy' to win

And you also, every single team needs one like irrationally confident stupid guy who thinks that they can stop LeBron in a seven game series. That's not a bad thing to happen. No. Like you want one of those guys, you don't want a whole team of those guys, but you need one of those guys who thinks they're the best player in the world.

Fernando Tatis Jr. is a 'vibes guy' you want in your clubhouse despite the PED suspension

Tatis is a vibes guy. I mean, that's a guy you want. That's a guy. I wanted my clubhouse... Tatis is a vibes guy. I mean, that's a guy you want. That's a guy. I wanted my clubhouse. [PFT: He's always suspended] Nah, he's a great guy.

Cal Raleigh is an 'underachiever' who should have more home runs based on his underlying stats

I'll go with Cal Raleigh from the Seattle Mariners. I'm looking at FanGraphs right now. He has eight home runs, minus three and a half. He should have 11 and a half home runs. So that's a great—he's an underachiever.

North Carolina is one of the most underrated states in the country and is easily a top-three state overall

I actually think North Carolina is one of the most underrated states. It might be in my top three states overall. It's got everything. Got some very cool places. Asheville, awesome city in the mountains... Great beaches. Great golf. Great basketball.

North Carolina is the rightful home of the Wright brothers over Ohio because they actually performed the first flight at Kitty Hawk

For the record, I'm on the side of North Carolina. This is like they did the flight at Kitty Hawk... Ohio's gotta get to the back of the line. It's basically like, oh, their parents had sex in Ohio. They try to count that as a dub.

Shohei Ohtani is the best baseball player to ever live

I think we can say Ohtani's the best baseball player to ever live.

The MLB Fantasy Draft we recorded is the worst thing we've ever done

I think it's without a doubt the worst thing that we've ever done. Yeah. It's just, it's just guys saying names and then most of the names have already been said before.

The USGA's ban on the belly putter was a major mistake that cost me money and potential Ryder Cup appearances

I would think a lot of times of how much money this [belly putter ban] cost me or how many Ryder Cups maybe this cost me or majors or whatever... it was a tough time but I now when I look back, it's great cuz I shoved it, you know, screw them and now I feel better than ever.

Michael Jordan is more obsessed with golf than any other human being I've ever met

I've never met anybody that loves golf more than [Michael Jordan]. That's awesome. And like, after these days... he'll do this for three weeks on end. Like he's just, his, everything about him is wired different. Next day I'm like getting up. Meanwhile, he's 60 years old... he's not the same human being I am.

Golf should embrace more Ryder Cup-style atmospheres with partisan crowds and clear villains

I think golf needs to go more in that direction [Ryder Cup atmosphere]. I think it's great. Like even the competition between LIV guys and tour guys. I think it's great. Yeah. It's awesome.

To fix a slice, you should just hit the ball as hard as you can

The biggest misconception is to swing easy and try to like, like if you're like, when I'm at my most nervous, sometimes I swing as hard as I can... especially if you ease into it, you're gonna slice, you're gonna hit it to the right. So if I was you guys, just hit it as hard as you can.

Big Ben Roethlisberger could still play in the NFL right now

Big Ben... He definitely could. He definitely could [still play]. Yeah. Yeah. He definitely could. Yeah.

Kenny Pickett's hands are the perfect size to play in Pittsburgh

I think his hands are perfect. Yeah, I think his hands are perfect. They're nice hands.

James Franklin is a 'weird dude' but the perfect head coach for 18-to-22-year-olds in college

He just had some interesting talks about just, I don't know. Just he's a weird dude. Yeah. But I love him. [He is] a perfect example of a guy who's great at college... when it comes to like 18 to 22 year old kids, he's the perfect coach.

Najee Harris needs to stop trying to hurdle defenders because he's going to keep getting hit in the nuts

I always tell [Najee Harris], I don't know how you jump... I need my feet on the ground the whole time. Like there's a lot of bad things that could happen when you're up [like getting hit in the nuts].