Takes

The Chiefs can flip the switch whenever they want

Whoops I fucked up like the Chiefs are so fucking good and yes guess what turns out they can flip the switch they can flip it whenever they want it doesn't really matter... they broke the Switch tonight.

Three Super Bowl titles is the threshold for a dynasty

I think dynasty is always three of four or three in a row. You need to win three titles to have official claim of a dynasty or decade. I think that's fair.

Eric Bieniemy might be waiting for Andy Reid to retire to take the Chiefs job

Why isn't anyone thrown out there that maybe he's just waiting for Andy Reid to retire? Because if Andy Reid – and just hear me out... if you're Eric Bieniemy and Andy Reid says to you, I'm going three more years, four more years, you still get like 15 years of Patrick Mahomes.

Conor McGregor is done being a consistent threat for the UFC belt

I asked the question, is he done in terms of like – is he done being a threat for the belt consistently? It feels like that. I don't know it well enough, but it feels like that just by the fact that he's fought like three times in the last four years and one of them was an old dude who he beat and he's lost twice.

Coach K is a quintessential jerk for belittling a student reporter

Coach K was asked the question... by a student reporter from the Duke Chronicle... asking Coach K where do you guys go from here which is a very routine question... and Coach K essentially embarrassed and belittled this kid... How can you defend this, Hank? He's such a jerk. He's a quintessential jerk.

It is time for Coach K to think about stepping down

Listen, maybe it's time for Coach K to think about stepping down.

Philip Rivers would have won more Super Bowls than Eli Manning if their roles were reversed

If the Chargers had drafted Eli Manning and he didn't hold out and demand a trade to the Giants? I think that Phillip Rivers would have won more Super Bowls than Eli Manning did.

Most NFL players would love to play for Dan Campbell

Dan Campbell's just a dude... He is a guy, and I don't know if it will last forever, and he has to clearly hire some smart people around him, but he's a guy, if you polled the NFL, I guarantee you there would be a majority of NFL players being like, I'd love to play for a guy like that.

Tom Brady's competitive stamina is unmatched by anyone

His competitive stamina is second to zero to no one. Absolutely no one. I mean, he comes in every day with a purpose, with trying to improve something. He eats, breathes and sleeps this stuff. I've never doubted him, and I don't think anyone should.

The Houston Astros were flat-out cheating, not just looking for an edge

To have some guy on a computer and a button sitting in the video room and seeing what the catcher's putting down—I mean, that's, there's no place for that in the game. That's, you know, that's cheating. That's cheating. That's not looking for an edge. That's flat-out cheating. And, you know, I was pretty disgusted with it. I'm not going to lie to you.

Barry Bonds was easy to pitch to because the best strategy was just walking him

Barry Bonds, he was the easiest guy in the league to pitch to. I mean, because you throw him fastballs away, and if it mattered at all, you just walked him. So he was like, no stress. That dude was so easy to pitch to. It's his fault for being as good as he was.

You can tell a lot about a guy by the sunglasses he wears

This is an all-time guy who wears Oakley sunglasses move. He's a big-time Oakley... you can tell a lot about a guy by the sunglasses he wears. If you wear Costa sunglasses, you go deep-sea fishing twice a year. You probably have a DUI in Florida. If you wear Shady Rays, you're cool. And then if you're an Oakley guy, you probably send dick pics during child support meetings.

Kyrie Irving is the Tom DeLonge of the Brooklyn Nets

I think it's like Blink-182. I think that Kevin Durant and James Harden are Mark and Travis, and then obviously Kyrie's Tom. And then he's off somewhere studying aliens. And then he's going to get pushed off to the side eventually.

Novak Djokovic is a scumbag for his selfish COVID restriction requests

Australian Open, Australia has COVID under control... Djokovic sent in basically his own list of requests and suggestions on how they can actually do a better job with COVID... His suggestions were to basically lessen the restrictions, make it easier. Basically, he was selfish.

I am okay with moving the Elite Eight and Sweet Sixteen to Saturday through Tuesday

I do actually like that. They're the Sweet 16 and Elite Eight. Sweet 16 is Saturday, Sunday, Elite Eight, Monday, Tuesday. I'm okay with that because Elite Eight is, it's weird when you have the Elite Eight on that Saturday and Sunday and you're like, wait, there's only two games... Whereas now you'll work all day Monday and then you get basketball at the end of the day.

Jimmy Butler is a great teammate and the media perception of him is wrong

Jimmy Butler is a great teammate. I don't understand the media twist on what he is... he challenges people and he pushes people, and a lot of people aren't willing or wanting to maybe hear that. But in reality, it's just trying to achieve success... He's certainly had a huge impact on my career.

Drew Brees is clearly washed

Drew Brees clearly looked very washed. I've been on the Drew Brees is washed train for two years now and I've said that the Saints have a Super Bowl roster and the only thing that's holding them back is Drew Brees.

Drew Brees' physical limitations cost the Saints the game

It was clear. [Brees] can't throw the ball over 15 yards. His mind is still there, but he doesn't have any of the physical abilities. And that cost the Saints the game. Drew Brees unfortunately lost them the game.

Saints fans will eventually regret only winning one Super Bowl with Brees and Payton

If you asked a Saints fan, like, hey, that was incredible, awesome memories, but there's definitely a small part of you that's saying to yourself, shit, how do we only win one? That absolutely exists.

In the modern NFL, good offense always beats good defense

At this point in time, it used to be the saying, good defense trumps all, defense wins championships. That's not the case anymore. Good offense beats good defense in the NFL today.

Lamar Jackson is the second best playmaker in the NFL behind Mahomes

Lamar, to me, is... if you want to say playmaker, he's probably the second best behind Patrick Mahomes. But all-around quarterback, he is still limited as a thrower.

The Bills are a complete team that hasn't played their best game yet

The Bills are a complete team... and it's crazy to me that the Bills – I never thought I'd be sitting here saying the Bills are in the AFC Championship game and they haven't even come close to playing their best playoff game. If they do it and they have it in them, watch the fuck out.

Baker Mayfield is definitively the 'guy' for the Browns

Is Baker our guy? Baker's your guy. Baker is your guy. It's definitive as can be. Baker is your guy. If you can get any type of defense around that offense, you guys are going to be really good next year.

The Houston Astros officially cursed the city of Houston

Do you think this has anything to do with the Houston Astros have now officially cursed the city of Houston? Because James Harden and now Deshaun Watson both want out of town... It all goes back to the Houston Astros and their cheating scandal.

The Houston Rockets are the winners of the James Harden trade

The Rockets, actually, I will say are a winner just because James Harden was going to eat himself to 300 pounds, was not going to try... they got anything for him, and they got a lot. They got a lot of picks.

Kyrie Irving is never coming back to this planet

What makes you think Kyrie Irving is ever going to come back to this planet?... [He has] gotten farther and farther off the reservation. And it just never happened. And he's gotten farther and farther off the reservation.

If you don't like Lamar Jackson, you're an asshole

I'm a huge Lamar Jackson fan. I am. Even though I'm a Browns guy, I feel like he's the most likable player in the NFL. If you don't like Lamar, you're an asshole. That's how I kind of feel.

Jalen Ramsey is the best cornerback on planet Earth

Jalen Ramsey is the best corner on planet Earth. He really is... it takes three guys to block Aaron Donald. And Jalen can guard anybody one-on-one for the regular time, let alone a quicker tick because he has Aaron Donald chasing down the quarterback.

The Packers' defense is 'fraudulent'

I like the Packers defense, but I do think that it is a little bit fraudulent, could get exposed by the right offense. And I just don't know if this is the right team to do it. I think this easily could be a Rams cover defense.

Bitcoin investors will die rich but never spend their money because they are obsessed with holding

The whole point of being rich is to spend money and do cool shit. Bitcoin people just... in the next 10 years it's going to be the only currency that exists. There's going to be at least a few people who die and they're like... worth 100 million dollars. They didn't spend any of it.

The PLL and MLL merger is a monumental moment in lacrosse history

I think that this is actually probably like a huge moment in the lacrosse history. This is like when the NFL and AFL merged.

Big Ben Roethlisberger will spend the entire offseason watching pornography

Sad Big Ben. He's going to watch so much porn this offseason.

Beating the Steelers was effectively the Super Bowl for the Cleveland Browns

These Browns just won the Super Bowl because I don't think anybody expects the Browns to go out next week and beat the Chiefs... this was the Super Bowl for the Browns, and they did it.

Josh Allen's elite balance and footwork are more important than his arm strength

I actually think that his feet are better than his arm... His feet are the best that I've seen in the NFL this year. He's always on balance. He's never off balance... That is actually sometimes better than having a hose attached to your shoulder.

Russell Wilson is to blame for the Seahawks' stagnant offense and postseason failures

There seems to be a little bit of a rumbling that Russell Wilson is more to blame than people are letting on... in those 16 playoff games, he's 25 touchdowns, 12 interceptions, 236 yards average... that's not like lighting the world on fire.

Sean McVay is a 'mini Belichick' due to his ability to completely change team identity to win

When people put him in the conversation as like the next Belichick or mini Belichick. This is why. Because when I look at the Rams... they basically completely changed their team to a defensive team, running team... He's not going to try to beat you just his way. He's going to beat you whichever way is best.

Mike Vrabel’s fourth-and-two punt against the Ravens was the most cowardly coaching move of the weekend

Mike Vrabel cut off his balls instead of his penis... It was honestly the most cowardly punt that I've seen... Bad weekend for Mikes in their punting. Bad, sad punt weekend.

The Chicago Bears are a soul-sucking dumpster fire with no end in sight

The Bears suck... they play a soul-sucking version of football. It's exhausting... just a fucking dumpster fire of an organization. This is the opposite of the Washington football team. I feel worse because it feels like there's no end in sight.

Modern college recruits are making a mistake by prioritizing the NFL over their college experience

These high school going into college, these kids are missing out on an opportunity to really make a difference in the college game... it's like they don't even really plant their roots at their college stop... they all think they're going to become Patrick Mahomes... when it doesn't happen, you need to have something to fall back on.

The Buffalo Bills are the most complete team in the NFL

The Bills, weeks 1 through 9, they were 24th in defense, and then weeks 10 through 17, they are 6th, and they are giving up 20 points a game. Flip the switch. They are the complete team.

Drew Brees is the most washed player in NFL history

Drew Brees... I probably think he's the most washed person of all time.

Greg Williams' practice style stunted Sam Darnold's development

The things that Sam [Darnold] sees on the practice field from Gregg Williams will set a quarterback back years. You remember when Sam Darnold said 'I was seeing ghosts'? Well, part of that, that's part of the process, and I'm not blaming it on Gregg, but there needs to be a progression. You can't bring a young quarterback on with all that stuff going on.

JJ Watt's heartfelt apology to Deshaun Watson was staged for the cameras

My Hot Seat is the Texans camera crew... JJ Watt and Deshaun Watson were sharing a heartfelt moment of JJ Watt apologizing to Deshaun Watson and he said, 'I'm sorry we wasted a season for you.' And a fucking camera guy caught it... he's got to be pretty embarrassed about that because that's something that, you know, between teammates... or else everyone's going to know what a great dude you are.

The 'COVID issues' at Ohio State are just a cover for Justin Fields' bruised ribs

Stay woke: they have COVID issues [at Ohio State]. Does it happen to be somewhere around Justin Fields' ribs? ... An extra week would help those bruised ribs. So I would say in terms of a punctured lung, calling it a rib issue... I feel like it would help.

This 2020 Packers squad is the best Green Bay team in a decade

One of the words that was brought up last year a lot with this Green Bay Packer team was 'soft.' ... but they have seemed to remove that the last six weeks of the regular season... To me, this is the best Green Bay Packer football team probably in a decade.

The Eagles players have to be pissed at Doug Pederson for throwing the game by benching Jalen Hurts

I would be pissed if I was an Eagles player. Oh. And because the Eagles player like, what does an Eagles player care? What if they're going to move up three spots in the draft, but the time of the player that you draft is going to be like, Oh, a really good player. You're probably be retired or on a different team.

The Baltimore Ravens are officially the team that no one wants to play in the playoffs

Starting with the Ravens Bengals the Baltimore Ravens. We said it last week. They are the team officially. No one wants to play. They got their swagger back. Five straight wins, 525 yards, 404 yards rushing.

Tom Brady stinks in prime time and starts sundowning at 7:00 PM

It's going to be a night game, Tom Brady. Let's talk about it. And he starts sundowning at seven. My theory. Yep. He can't. He stinks in prime time.

Every team in the NFC playoffs except for the Bears and Washington can win the Super Bowl

I actually would contend that everyone except us can go to the super bowl... outside of the bear's in the Washington football team... there are no frauds in the NFC Playoffs except for the Washington football team and the Chicago bears.

Derrick Henry should be in the MVP conversation after rushing for 2,000 yards

Derrick Henry should be in the MVP conversation. It's Aaron Rogers MVP, but he should at least be considered because the last running back to when an MVP was 2012, Adrian Peterson who ran for 2000 yards.