Takes

Referees and umpires are more entertaining when they stand up for themselves

I like umps that stand up for themselves. I think that we've done umps a disservice recently... I like it when they stand up for themselves, when they have a thing like Country Joe West. It's kind of fun knowing that there's a guy out there who's absolutely not what people paid to watch that thinks that he's what people paid to watch.

I am officially panicking about the Cubs in the first week of April

I've already taken the panic button out of my closet for the Cubs. It's April. I know. I don't care... If I have to watch Yu Darvish pitch more fucking walks and Jason Hayward hit into more double plays, I will smash the fuck out of that panic button.

The AAF was a Fire Fest run by people with no plan

It is hilarious to just imagine Bill Polian as being Billy McFarland. Like, drinking like rock stars, fucking like porn stars speech. I guarantee you Bill has said that at some point... Instead of cocaine and tequila on a private island, it was like tortilla chips and a nice beer, just hanging out watching tape.

I am one of many number one tight ends in the NFL

Man, I think there's a lot of number one tight ends right now... I'm going to keep going now. It's working for me so far... [Who's the best?] Gronk and Tony.

The AAF died exactly like the XFL did

This is what we warned you about. This is exactly what happened with the XFL. It just died. And we all got excited. And then it died.

Gar Foreman and John Paxson are the idiots in the room now that Ernie Grunfeld is fired

Gar Foreman and John Paxson because now they are the idiots in the room. So it's like you never want to be the last to leave a party. They are the dum-dums. And you could always say, well, it's not Ernie Grunfeld. Well, guess what? Now Ernie Grunfeld's gone, so you are on the hot seat.

Upperclassmen leadership is the difference in the NCAA tournament

Sometimes you run across a Michigan State team that's as physical and have maybe a little more junior and senior leadership than we had. And that makes a huge difference in the tournament if you have some upperclassmen that give you some experience.

The one-and-done era has watered down both college and NBA basketball

And it's watered down the game a little bit. And then everyone leaving early for the NBA, I think, waters down the NBA a little bit. But it's hard to stop kids from pursuing their dream.

The 'I Hate Christian Laettner' title was a smart marketing move

The title bothered me until I called my mother... She says, well, they don't want only the Duke lovers and the Laettner lovers to watch this show. They want everyone across the board to watch it... Carolina fans, Kentucky fans... Everyone's going to want to watch it and see what's up.

Magic Johnson and Larry Bird were the first guards to have guard skills at 6'9"

Larry Bird and Magic Johnson were the first guys I ever saw six nine six ten bringing the ball up having guard skills so to be on a team with them was just awesome.

There is no such thing as a clutch gene

Is the clutch gene real? No, not real at all.

The New York Giants draft hat looks like it has a barbed wire tattoo

The Giants one looks like it's got a barbed wire tattoo around the entire hat, which is very appropriate for the fan base.

Zion Williamson was the college basketball season and his departure leaves a hole in the Final Four.

I'm going to miss Zion a lot because he was so much fun to watch this season. He was the college basketball season, and he leaves like a hole in all of our hearts for the Final Four. Zion was the only one who, like, wanted it, I felt like, a lot of times during this Duke run.

Coach K and John Calipari are more focused on building their brands than winning basketball games.

Cal and Coach K are not playing the same game as everyone else. They're not trying to win basketball games. They're trying to win their brand. They're trying to build their brands and keep the machine just churning. And they don't want anyone to notice.

Zion Williamson is 'one bad weekend away' from being fat.

Zion Williamson, the best way to describe him is, as a bigger guy myself, he's one bad weekend away from being fat. Like, if I go one weekend where I just eat like shit, drink like shit, don't sleep very well, I'll come in Monday morning and everyone will be like, whoa, dude, what happened to you? And it can happen that fast.

Matt Painter is the new Bo Ryan

Matt Painter, the new Bo Ryan.

Tennessee should not be allowed to wear their Indiana-style warm-up colors

My big takeaway was the Tennessee uniforms. They should not be allowed to wear those pants and those warm-ups and those colors. Those are Indianas. Those are Indianas.

The fact that Philly fans booed Bryce Harper on the first day is why Philly is great

Reacting to a 13-year contract on the first day is so fucking awesome, and that's why Philly is great. It does set a tone.

Good coaches make talented players like Jordan Howard fit their offense instead of trading them

Being like [Jordan Howard] doesn't fit our offense, good coaches make talented players fit their offense.

Mike Brown is a guy who just gets 'bumped' and alpha'd

Ever since LeBron bumped Mike Brown, I'm like, Mike Brown could just be bumped. He's a guy who just can be bumped... You get bumped on national television once, everyone just can kind of alpha you and bump you.

Sports owners focus much more on winning than making money

I think most owners in sports are much more focused on winning than they are making money from the business... I think they think winning first. And if you win, then profits follow.

The Seattle Seahawks are not a good ownership situation for me

The Seattle Seahawks, which are, you know, people say are going to be sold over the next couple of years. That's not a great situation for me. It's in the Pacific Northwest. I live in the Northeast.

Cliff Kingsbury is too pretty to win a Super Bowl

Cliff Kingsbury, that guy's too fucking smooth... you can't win a Super Bowl looking that pretty.

Antonio Brown already wants off the Raiders

Antonio Brown is still subtweeting people. He's still going after people... my theory's right. Like, he doesn't want to be a Raider... He's like one step away from being like, I love the Raiders so much and this is the best move of my entire life. I'm so happy and here's a podcast telling you how happy I am.

A team's connectedness is more important than talent or coaching

You can't be in the Sweet 16, or it's rare if you're in the Sweet 16, if you think it's only based on talent or if it's only based on coaching. There have to be a lot of other intangibles... it's the connectedness of your staff and the example that your staff sets for your team.

Rob Gronkowski is the greatest tight end of all time

Yes, Gronk [is the GOAT]. I'm kind of upset he retired. I wish he stayed one more year because we were playing the Patriots this year.

Tennis balls are definitely green

I already know the answer to it. No, they're green... Yeah, they're probably green. They're definitely green.

Tennis balls are yellow

You think they're yellow. Interesting... I don't go with the sheep.

The five-foul limit in college basketball is terrible and needs to be changed

I hate the five fouls in college basketball. Suck. They need to fix it.

UNC's Luke Maye has the weirdest voice in the world

Luke Maye might have the weirdest voice in the world. Have you heard him talk? He's like if Jason Aldean was in Bone Thugs. It doesn't work. When I watch him talk and I listen to him, he gives me a stroke.

Rob Gronkowski is the greatest tight end in NFL history

Greatest of all time? Tight end? Not even a question. Greatest tight end of all time. Gronk is the first seven [PFF single season grades]. So basically every single year. He was amazing.

The Motley Crue movie 'The Dirt' is ten times better than Bohemian Rhapsody

Motley Crue is also back... They put out a Netflix movie. I know Queen Bohemian Rhapsody won all the awards. This was like a 10 times better of a biopic movie. All sex, drugs, rock and roll.

I am canceling Orange Vanilla Coke and will never drink it because of the excessive advertising

Orange Vanilla Coke I saw seven million times, and I hate it. I will never drink an orange vanilla Coke. I am canceling orange vanilla Coke.

PFT Commenter looks like a greasier version of Post Malone

You look like a greasier version of Post Malone. He looks like he stinks worse than garbage. He looks like a New York City street.

Tom Izzo's coaching intensity is acceptable and challenges players to battle through adversity

I think that there's a line and [Tom Izzo] didn't cross it... he challenged you. There were some days where I'd go home and I'd have higher anxiety... but it turned me into the person I am today. You have to go through things like that... if you want to be coddled it's going to be a very tough life ahead.

I would rather take punches to the face than block shots for a career

I would rather take punches to the face than have to block shots as a career... I'd like to take punches to the face rather than block shots. I was one of those guys where I just didn't like doing it, and sometimes I would flamingo.

I would perform a sexual act with a cat for two million dollars if no one found out

If no one was to find out, a couple sheets... a couple sheets, $2 million, and Hank would fuck a cat? Raw dog, too.

Darren Rovell's brand is being the guy who 'forgot' to fill out a bracket

Darren knows brands. And my suspicion is he realized at the very last minute that his brand is being the guy that doesn't fill out a bracket and tells you that he didn't. And so he was like, it'd be bad. It would just be a bad change of pace.

Jamarcus Russell had a stronger arm than Josh Allen

I watched him [Jamarcus Russell] throw. I was like, holy hell. That dude had the strongest arm I've ever seen. I know you guys are big Josh Allen fans. I'm a big Josh Allen fan. Jamarcus Russell had a stronger arm than Josh Allen.

Urban Meyer would be a great head coach for Notre Dame

But Urban Meyer, he's going to be the next coach in Notre Dame, right? ... But you would like him as a head coach, right? Yeah, of course. He's one of the greatest of all time in college football.

Tim Tebow's inaccuracy was caused by over-thinking his mechanics after constant criticism

The problem is the biggest thing is if no one told him his throwing motion was messed up, he'd probably throw the ball with so much more confidence. What happened with him is... everyone started doubting him and his ability to like actually be accurate... if you're already thinking that before you throw the football, game over.

The MLB retiring Ichiro at 7 AM in Japan is the worst way to stay relevant

Way to Stay Relevant Baseball, having one of the most liked superstars in the past probably 50 years retire at 7 a.m. when no one was watching in Japan... And on top of all of that, I actually woke up and... I went to Twitter to try to find some clips. Well, another one, MLB. I forgot. No one can tweet any clips from your product. So I couldn't even see Ichiro's last thing until you uploaded it on yourself. So good job, MLB.

Eli Manning is still a good quarterback and the Giants know exactly what they're doing

This narrative that Eli [Manning] is overpaid and can't play is a crock. Dave Gettleman, the quote machine. Just wanted to get that out of the way. All you asking out there, the Giants know exactly what they're doing. Eli is still good.

John Beilein is the best pure X and O coach in college basketball

I actually think the best pure X and O coach in the tournament is John Beilein. Because even though everywhere he goes, they do better than they should, he never has guys that are super talented... as a pure coach, he's the best in the country.

Bracket regions should be named Top Left, Bottom Left, Top Right, and Bottom Right to be standard across all websites

I don't like [the pod system]. Let's make it standard because my biggest problem with March Madness and the whole bracket system in general is it's usually not standard across all the different sports websites out there. It should be called top left, bottom left, top right, bottom right. Make it easy for me.

Conference championship games on Selection Sunday do not matter for NCAA tournament seeding

Everyone thinks that the conference championship games matter a ton, but if you think the committee... The committee's just like us. They're fucking lazy. They're not going to sit there and watch the Big Ten championship and be like, well, now we've got to change everything we've done all weekend. They filled it out. They're ready to go.

Isaiah Thomas deserves a tribute video from the Boston Celtics

My Who's Back of the Week is Isaiah Thomas... He's playing the Celtics tonight. I think they have to play the video. He deserves a tribute video. He was a great Celtics player, and he's back tonight. I hope he gets it.

Ryan Fitzpatrick is the perfect Dolphins quarterback because he provides 'Fitzmagic' wins during a rebuild

I don't think there's been a more perfect move in the history of the NFL than Ryan Fitzpatrick going to the Dolphins... Ryan Fitzpatrick is like the perfect, we can rebuild, but he'll give us four or five wins that will be awesome to watch so people don't get so pissed off about the team sucking.

A football league with two of Johnny Manziel, Tim Tebow, or Colin Kaepernick will attract massive viewership

They're starting to approach my theory, which is if you can get Johnny Manziel, Tim Tebow, Colin Kaepernick, any two of those three, if you have two of those three quarterbacks in your league, people will tune in in droves to watch it.

Trent Richardson is a 'human first down' due to his high touchdown-to-yardage efficiency in the AAF

2.4 [average]. I'd rather my running back work smart than work hard... Eight touchdowns for five games, that's insane. Listen, say what you want about him. He's very efficient. He doesn't need a lot of yards to get his touchdowns.