Takes

LaVar Ball is breaking up the Lakers

LeVar Ball was eventually going to have a problem with whoever was coaching Lonzo and make everything super awkward in L.A. I'm really excited to see how badly he can screw it up, though.

The Bills vs. Jaguars Wild Card game is going to suck

My hot take for this game, and you're probably not going to like it, I think this game's going to fucking suck... in a bad way. This is one of those games where you look like both offensive lines... and the Jags offensive line's not very good. So no Shady [LeSean McCoy]. I feel like this is going to be one of those games we sit there and like, ew, gross.

Cam Newton will wear a goofy hat or avoid his press conference if the Panthers lose

My prediction for this game is Cam's going to do something that will give us headlines for at least 48 hours, because he always does. Like... wear a goofy hat to the press conference in a loss, or not show up to the press conference.

The Saints and Patriots will play in the Super Bowl

I think it's going to be Saints and Patriots in the Super Bowl.

The Chiefs will easily cover the 9-point spread against the Titans

Andy Reid is going to look like that kid from your Christmas story that can't walk because he's just too layered up... I got the Chiefs easily covering nine points.

The Falcons will beat the Rams in the Wild Card round

I like the Falcons... They have yet to play their best game of the season... I actually like the Falcons as well. I think the Rams are a little too banged up on defense.

Atlanta is the most interesting Wild Card team and can go the distance

The most interesting team to me right now is Atlanta... at that point, we had kind of figured it out. We'd gotten over all the post-Super Bowl stuff that goes with it and understood kind of what we had to do, but it was a little bit too late. I think if we had gotten into the playoffs at that point, we would have been a real problem for teams.

Herm Edwards will win significantly more games at Arizona State than people expect

I think he's going to be great at recruiting. I think he's going to be great with the players. I think he's going to win a lot more games than people give... I'm saying he's going to win significantly more than that. It's going to be surprising.

The Steelers and Vikings should be in the Super Bowl

I think the Steelers should be in the Super Bowl. I think the Steelers, when you look at what they can do offensively... And I like Minnesota. Home Super Bowl.

I am going to do five crunches a day as my New Year's resolution

I'm going to try to do five crunches a day... Someone added it up, and it was like 1,900 crunches. I was like, oh, shit. That's way more than I thought.

Bruce Arians will be back to coaching within two months of his retirement.

Bruce Arians, he's retired. But as we know, he's not going to know what to do with himself. He's just going to sit on his porch staring out into infinity for two months, and he'll think that's retirement, and then he'll be like, I've got to get back to coaching.

The sport of football will be unrecognizable in 20 years due to CTE and lawsuits.

I think football's in big trouble. Like, I really do... It is more about the future of the sport. And I don't know how it's going to continue when you start seeing lawsuits come to fruition, when you start seeing guys hang it up earlier than ever. I would say within 20 years, you will not recognize the sport of football.

It will eventually become illegal to play tackle football before reaching high school.

I think it's going to become illegal to play tackle football before high school. And that's the problem I have. Because I think it should be up to every parent to decide on their own if they want their kid to play or not.

The Bills will probably lose to the Jaguars in the wildcard round

The Bills are probably going to lose to the Jaguars, especially without Shady [LeSean McCoy]. But it's almost like the way that they broke the drought, if they had just broken it by being 12-4... it wouldn't have been that exciting.

I am rooting for the Jaguars to beat the Bills in the wildcard round

The Jaguars [over the Bills]. No question. No doubt about it.

The Seahawks will hire Mike Pettine as their defensive coordinator

I'm thinking that they're going to bring Mike Pettine in. I'm just going to call it right now. The old coach of the Cleveland Browns because he's got a bald head and he's got a goatee and he's a defense guy.

The San Francisco 49ers will be good next year and are my dark horse for the 2018 season

I think the [49ers] could be good next year. They're my dark horse. Their over-under for wins is going to be like nine and a half.

John Gruden will announce he's taking the Raiders job during the Saturday wildcard broadcast

I think that John Gruden, in one last tip of the cap to ESPN paying him an insane amount of money, is going to announce that he's the new Raiders coach during the Saturday wildcard game.

I will lose 15 pounds and weigh 225 by my birthday

I think I weigh about 240-ish... and I'm going to try to get to like 225 by my birthday. [February]. First, like, seven pounds come off by just me, like, not eating breakfast. So take a big dump, don't eat breakfast, boom.

Jon Gruden will be the next head coach of the Oakland Raiders

He's going to be the coach of the Raiders. They fired Del Rio knowing that they were getting him, and now it's just a question of working it all out. All signs are pointing to Gruden.

Mike Zimmer might retire if the Vikings win the Super Bowl

I wouldn't be shocked if Zimmer, after everything Zimmer's been through the last couple of years... They win a Super Bowl. Maybe he just says, that's it, I'm done, I'm gone.

Bob Stoops could be the next head coach of the Chicago Bears

We also thrown in Bob Stoops, who may be the new coach of the Chicago Bears by the time this airs. Ooh, he owns a house in Chicago. Two houses next door to each other. We call that a compound. Yeah, a little bit of a compound going on, so maybe he's the next coach.

The 49ers will be everyone's trendy playoff pick for next season

The 49ers are going to be our Regis Philbin team next year. The Regis Philbin Dark Horse of the Year, where Regis even picks a team as the Dark Horse, that means they're no longer a Dark Horse. Every single person in the world is going to pick the 49ers to go to the playoffs next year.

The Ravens are going to make some noise in the AFC

The Ravens, I think, are going to make some noise. Don't look now. The Ravens, they started to wear their black uniforms, and when they put the black unis on in November and December, they win a primetime game or two.

Bruce Arians will retire for a year and then come back to coaching

I think that Bruce is the kind of guy that he's in Arizona... He's going to walk away, he's going to play like a year of golf, and he's just going to be miserable the entire time... So I think Bruce is actually going to be away from the game for a year and then come back.

Pete Carroll might walk away from the Seahawks if they miss the playoffs

If they don't make the playoffs, I can see Pete Carroll being like, we're just going to walk away from each other... basically everyone on the Seahawks hates each other, which is not new, but it feels like Earl Thomas is trying to go to the Cowboys.

Chip Kelly won't be as successful in his return to college because his system is no longer unique

Chip's going to... coaching in college football again. You think he's going to be just as good as he was the second time around? Probably not. Think about it. Everyone now runs what we ran in college. We were the first team to do this up-tempo, spread offense... Now everybody does it... So he is not going to be coming into a situation with a brand-new concept.

USC will cover the 7.5-point spread against Ohio State in the Cotton Bowl

I definitely like the Trojans to cover. It's a seven-and-a-half point spread right now, which between these two teams is just ridiculously large to me. I don't see how anybody looks at what Ohio State's done this year and what USC's done this year... and says that Ohio State's more than a touchdown better than the Trojans.

The under is the best bet for the LSU vs. Notre Dame Citrus Bowl

I like the under in that game more than anything, although I do think Notre Dame's going to win... I like the under more than anything, just because I think it's going to be kind of a rock fight more than most.

Alabama will beat Clemson by 10-14 points in the Sugar Bowl

I'm looking at this where I think Alabama's probably going to win this one, and I really don't know if it's going to be close. I think this could be like a 10-14 point win for Alabama. Hot take Fornelli. It's never really in question.

Oklahoma and Baker Mayfield have the edge over Georgia in the Rose Bowl

The closer I look at it, the more I just really think that I can't go against Baker Mayfield in a game like this and against that Oklahoma offense, which has just been absolutely superb all year long... I just feel like when you get to a playoff, if you have a unit like Oklahoma's offense, which is just that much better than everybody else that's there, that gives it something of an edge.

Alabama will win the National Championship

My heart wants to say Oklahoma, but my head says Alabama, just because, like I've said, I think Alabama's the best team in the country... I just don't think anybody's beating Alabama this year... I think they're going to finish as national title champions once again.

The Bears will lose to the winless Browns

The Bears are going to lose to the Browns. So John Fox [is] 0-7 as a Bears coach when they are the favorites. That's a very impressive stat. Straight up losses. And the Browns, I will contend the Browns, in terms of pure full roster, probably have more talent than the Bears.

The Falcons are going back to the Super Bowl

Falcons-Saints. This is actually a good game... I've put myself in the Falcons camp, and I say they're going back to the Super Bowl. I agree with that. I said that three weeks ago. They're a classic team where they have all the talent in the world, and they've played their worst football ever... the Falcons could be trouble for someone.

Roger Goodell will news dump something major this Friday before Christmas

I'm just calling it right now... this is the friday before christmas this is roger goodell's wet dream of a friday for a news dump... he is definitely gonna dump something

Lock of the Week: Jaguars -4.5 vs 49ers

I have the Jags. Blake Bortles. [The spread] is four and a half, by the way. Minus four and a half.

Lock of the Week: Chiefs -10 vs Dolphins

I'm going to take the Chiefs. I think the Chiefs have figured it out. Minus 10 Dolphins in Kansas City. Dolphins already won the Super Bowl. Beat the Patriots on Monday night. So this is all just gravy.

Bitcoin will be worth nothing within a year

The other not-so-optimistic side, I guess, would be that in about six months or a year, [Bitcoin] will be worth nothing... I know you guys don't want to hear that, especially Dan... but who knows what's going to happen with that.

Aliens will eventually hack the cloud and release everyone's deleted messages and photos

I've always thought that at some point in the future that every text message, Snapchat, picture message, picture they've ever taken and deleted, that's all going to end up on the internet for everyone... Aliens are about to start that. They're aliens, so they obviously know how to get to the cloud.

Football will be in danger of disappearing in 50 to 60 years due to safety and science

I would say like 50, 60 years down the road [football is in danger], because if you look at the science and getting more and more clear on it, that this is a, it's an extremely dangerous sport... And the reason why we fell in love with football was because it was very violent in nature. And you love those big hits. And the science keeps coming, and the rules keep digressing.

Lane Kiffin will likely only last three weeks into his 10-year contract at FAU

Lane Kiffin, coach of FAU... just signed a 10-year contract to stay at FAU. What do you think? He's going to last maybe like three weeks?

Jeff Fisher is the 'Rasputin' of the NFL and is guaranteed a contract extension wherever he goes

You're not giving Jeff Fisher enough credit because Jeff Fisher, he's Rasputin. Once he gets in the building, he knows how to whisper into his boss. You shoot him and he just keeps walking forward. Jeff Fisher is absolutely getting at least one contract extension, no matter where he goes. That's a fact.

Andy Reid is on track for his annual first-round playoff loss

We're still right on track for that first-round playoff loss from Andy Reid. Really looking forward to it.

The Celtics will win five championships after LeBron James leaves for the Lakers

[Gordon Hayward] is going to beat LeBron, then LeBron's going to leave, go to L.A., and Celtics are going to win, like, five championships.

The Rockets and Celtics will meet in the NBA Finals

Rocket Celtics calling it right now. [Warriors?] No. [The Rockets beat them] in seven.

The Bengals might move Marvin Lewis to the front office and hire Hue Jackson as head coach

Marvin stays in Cincinnati, graduates to the front office where he's essentially the GM because they don't have one as it is. And then, some way, somehow, they bring back Hue Jackson to be the coach of the team, and it's Marvin and Hue working together in Cincinnati.

The Jaguars have the ingredients to win in New England or Pittsburgh in January

I think this is a team that could win in New England in the divisional round, it could win in Pittsburgh in the divisional round, and it could keep the AFC championship game from happening... It's a Florida team that has all the ingredients to play in the elements in January.

Thomas Davis will not be suspended for his hit on Davante Adams because it wasn't in primetime

Same hit that Juju Smith-Schuster put on Vontaze Burfict. But because that game today didn't happen in primetime, they're not going to suspend Thomas Davis. That's my prediction.

Bill Belichick will have Alex Guerrero killed within two years of Tom Brady retiring

Bill Belichick is going to have Guerrero killed within probably two years of Brady retiring. He knows too much.

Herm Edwards could go 4-7 at Arizona State just like every other coach

I bet you $1 that Herm Edwards could get the exact same record as all of our other coaches and go 4-7.