Takes

The overs are back in March Madness because of the bad publicity regarding shooting

Overs back. Yeah. Overs are back. Because I big brained it. I was like March Madness saw all the bad publicity... they're gonna see all the bad publicity about shot making. They're gonna loosen up these fucking rims.

LeBron James is a better Laker than Kobe Bryant

I started just doing a bit that LeBron is the best Laker of all time. And I had like my top fives and Kobe wasn't on it. [Ari: Kobe's the sixth best]. Yeah. It was like Nick Van Exel. It was like Shaq. So all these like... Will Chamberlain, Kareem, Magic, I'll give Worthy. And then LeBron.

Miami will upset Houston and make the Final Four

Hot Take Miami can beat them. Ooh. And I'm gonna be the one guy that picks Miami to win... Miami is a bad matchup for Houston... I am going to go out on a limb and pick them. Wow. Because I think I, I don't trust Houston's offense.

Purdue has officially reached rock bottom because there are no 17 seeds to lose to

Purdue now 2021, they lost to a 13 seed... 2022, they lost to a 15 seed... 2023, they lost to a 16 seed... Good news for Purdue. There are no 17 seeds. So it feels like we've reached the bottom.

Matt Painter should be fired

Get him out. Yeah. Fire is at third. Do you want me to read again? 13 seed. 15 seed. 16 seed. He's the, he's the bizarro world Tom Izzo.

John Scheyer lost because he wore a black sweater instead of a gray one

The game was decided well before that, before the boys even stepped on the court because Scheyer wasn't wearing the sweatshirt. They were wearing the same sweaters, different color black... The gray one was way better.

NCAA tournament teams should start resting players in the regular season like the NBA

How it's gonna become more like the NBA where maybe some teams are gonna start realizing that seating doesn't matter that much. Right. In the NCAA tournament, it doesn't start resting your guys the regular season doesn't matter.

LIV Golf should execute the last place team every week to fix their ratings

I have a very simple way to solve this ratings issue. Execute the last place team every week... The ultimate relegation. Yeah. To the afterlife... Or they don't have cuts but they could chop your head off.

Virginia's 2019 National Title was a fluke

Virginia's upset loss to Furman further proves 2019 national title was a fluke... Do they suck? I don't even think their national title counts anymore.

There is a 'wedgie' conspiracy involving the balls or rims in Des Moines

There's a scandal of foot in March Madness this year in Des Moines... There were five six wedgies today, four of which occurred in the Des Moines, Iowa gym. So either the balls are stickier, the rims are harder. Maybe the balls are a little bit smaller... there's something different this year.

If you go to a bar that doesn't have a TV, you are an alcoholic

Honestly, if you go to a bar where there's not a TV, you're an alcoholic.

Aaron Rodgers might retire just to prove he doesn't need the $59 million

The more I think about it, the more he might retire just so that he could have the Trump card on everybody to be like, yeah, I'm the motherfucker who walked away from 59 million. Like, like that's his credibility... I think that Aaron might actually retire just so that he can have that moral high ground for the rest of his career.

Zach Wilson's physical ceiling is Patrick Mahomes

Ceiling is Patrick Mahomes. Ceiling. Physically, they can make the same throws. Physically. They may not do it at the right times, or as accurately, but he can do the same thing.

NFL GMs should risk everything to draft Anthony Richardson at #1 overall

I dunno how you can be a GM and not risk everything to get him [Anthony Richardson]. Get him number one. Huh?

Bryce Young is officially too fat to draft after his Combine weigh-in

I actually ran the BMI on Bryce Young for his exact height and weight. 29.3. He's borderline obese. Yeah. He's too fat to draft. This guy's a tub of shit.

The team with the #1 overall pick is essentially the second-best team in the NFL

There is only one team that can win a Super Bowl. Everyone else is a loser. Except the team that has the first pick. We are literally the second best team. There's the first pick in the Super Bowl. Right. That's it.

Snake owners are absolute weirdos and potential serial killers

It's serial killer vibes to be a pro snake... Snakes literally have had the worst rap. Deservedly so in the history of animals... Just get a dog.

Juju Smith-Schuster is a piece of shit and AJ Brown would beat him up

He's a piece of shit. Like, I don't know who he thinks he is... AJ Brown would beat the absolute fucking... AJ Brown would've. AJ Brown basically said, said that he would, he would beat the fuck out of him if he's keep talking about him.

Keith Hernandez has toxoplasmosis from his cat, which is why he's messing up player names

Keith Hernandez has toxoplasmosis from living with his cat. Oh. That's why he's messing up names. But I mean, is it really a mess up? Because Chaz Chisholm [Jazz Chisholm] is just a Hall of fame name.

The Bears should consider trading both the #1 pick and Justin Fields to maximize draft capital

The Bears Trade, the number one pick. Okay. The Bears also trade Justin Fields. Then you're loaded. Just have like eight first round picks. The Eagles were able to load up because they were able to, to take advantage of a cheap contract with a quarterback. What if we just strip it all the way down and get all the picks and have all the Cap and Caleb Williams, Drake May coming up.

Jake Paul purposely lost to Tommy Fury to make the rematch more profitable

The conspiracy part of Twitter... they were saying that Jake Paul, in order to sell the next fight purposely knew that it would be bad if he won this fight. I think the storyline's better for a second fight... because no one would want to watch another one if he just beat him.

Sam Hurd was released from prison early to serve as viral marketing for the movie Cocaine Bear

Sam Hurd has been released from Federal penitentiary... after serving a 10 year sentence for distributing cocaine. Timing is very suspicious with the release of Cocaine Bear. A lot of people are saying that this judge might have taken some money to do some gorilla marketing for the movie.

The drama surrounding Brandon Miller will actually help his NBA draft stock

My other spin zone is I actually think this helps his draft stock. Think about all the attention he's getting. Everyone knows who he is and then after, you know, all eyes are on him, he drops 40.

Charlie Woods is going to be better than Tiger Woods, Jack Nicklaus, and Max Homa combined

[Big Cat]: Charlie's next up he's gonna come and beat your brains in... [PFT]: Charlie Woods is gonna be better than Tiger... better than Tiger and Jack combined. [Big Cat]: Better than you. [Max Homa]: Done. You'll just be gone. Which is actually pretty exciting and we'll caddy for him.

The new PLL Sixes format is the best lacrosse product and will replace regular rules

I think the new, the new PLL championship series six is, is actually I think like the best lacrosse product I've ever seen. Like I think it's gonna replace regular, the regular rules. I think this is how the game is gonna be played in the future. It's the best lacrosse product you can put out.

Vacations are for suckers and losers

Full stop. Fucking work hard. Hank vacation. Boy, you're soft bitch. All these vacations you're taking. I didn't even like doing it. I wanted to be working with the boys... vacations for suckers and losers.

The NBA rigged the 2006 Dunk Contest for Nate Robinson over Andre Iguodala

Nate Robinson was bullshit. He should have lost to Andre Iguodala... well he missed like 32 dunks in a row and then, and then still won. Prince Nate Robinson. That was the biggest NBA rig thing of all time.

North Carolina only made the 2022 title game because of the name on their jerseys

I really think that if North Carolina's team last year was wearing different jerseys, they would not have gone to the national championship games. If they were wearing like a mountain west jersey, they would've lost the first round. Exact same group of guys... it's just the laundry they're wearing is different.

The Bears should trade Justin Fields to get younger assets

Maybe I could trade the fields because I want to get young... [He] seems like he's been very promising for the last, at least six months or so... But we could maybe get like a lot of other options in exchange.

The 'Sod Father' George Toma intentionally sabotaged the Super Bowl field to favor the Kansas City Chiefs

George Toma, the Sod Father... He worked for the Kansas City Chiefs. He has two Super Bowl rings. He's a Kansas City resident. He's a Kansas City Chiefs fan... me and Lamar Hunt were so close. This is again before the Super Bowl against the 49ers that they won... I'm just presenting facts that if you would like to cope, this might be how you'd want to cope... Eagles defense had a player slip on 38% of Patrick Mahomes drop backs... the Chief's defense had a player slip on only 14%.

Eric Bieniemy might be bombing head coaching interviews on purpose to stay with the Chiefs

I think he's bombing him on purpose. I really do. Because I think that being the offensive coordinator of the Kansas City Chiefs is better than being the head coach of like 20 franchises. So he's like, yeah, I'll just go through the motions bomb this interview, and then I'll get to go be the offensive coordinator of Patrick Mahomes and, and keep piling up Super Bowl wings rings.

The grass was the LVP of Super Bowl 57

I would like to award the very first ever part of my take L v P... The l v P of Super Bowl 57 was the field. Yeah. Was the grass so bad? They put in new grass two weeks ago... Tahoma 31 Grass. And it was mid, that grass was mid, it was bad.

Victor Wembanyama will be better than LeBron James was at his peak

We actually, we should get credit in the media because like we were so right about LeBron James we called it. And guess what I'm calling it right now? Wembanyama is gonna be great. Yeah. He's gonna be, he's gonna even be better than LeBron at his peaks.

The Eagles are in a 'can't lose' situation where everything makes too much sense

This is a can't lose. It's starting get to a point where I like the Eagles so much in this game that it's like there's no way that like there's no way this is going to happen. It makes too much sense that the Eagles are going to win this game.

Kirk Cousins' Pro Bowl victory proves he can win big games

Kirk Cousins leads NFC to a comeback. So there you go. All the haters that say Kirk Cousins can't win a big game. He just won the Pro Bowl Flag Football challenge.

Tom Brady is the GOAT of retirements

It's back-to-back retirements, two consecutive retirements for Tom Brady. He's the GOAT at that too. Not a dynasty, but a nice little run.

Tom Brady’s career was the direct result of the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand

He's the walking embodiment of the butterfly effect... Gabriel Prince [Gavrilo Princip] got assassinated or assassinated Archduke Franz Ferdinand... It immediately led to Tom Brady's career in the NFL. Started all of it.

Punxsutawney Phil is a fraud and a 'wannabe Greta Thunberg'

My big fire fest is really for America... because you guys are letting a groundhog ruin your day today. Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow... be a fucking man... I'm going to wear shorts and short-sleeve t-shirts just to show that little wannabe Greta Thunberg telling me the sky is falling.

I still believe Carson Wentz has some good football left in him

I still believe in Carson... You don't jump ship on somebody that quickly [Colts]... I still believe that he's got some good football in him. I'll take him on the Vikings, man.

Patrick Mahomes will eventually catch Tom Brady in Super Bowl losses

People keep talking about Patrick Mahomes is gonna catch up to Brady. Right? That's the storyline. Well in my eyes he's going—the only thing that he's going to catch up to Brady on is Super Bowl losses. He would lose this one and would still need to lose another one. But if he did, then he would catch up to Tom Brady in losses.

The NFL is rigged and scripted to get Patrick Mahomes in the Super Bowl

The NFL is rigged, rigged. It's rigged for ratings or for money. ... This shit is fucking rigged. The NFL is rigged. I don't, it's scripted everything. They get a script at the start of every season and then Hollywood kicks them out because no one would believe the script. ... They want Patrick Mahomes in the Super Bowl.

The NBA referee apology for the LeBron no-call was written by Rich Paul

They should've had like just posted a picture of them at the time while they were tweeting it cuz it's definitely Rich Paul with a gun to their head. Yeah. As they're sitting there, LeBron James definitely hit up NBA officiating was like, I need a public apology. I need people to know that, that you guys screwed that up.

Stetson Bennett's arrest for public intoxication makes him a better NFL draft prospect

Honestly that made Stetson Bennett go up in my draft board. ... If you're Stetson Bennett, what's stopping you from just getting absolutely hammered? He's in the middle of maybe the biggest case of senioritis of all time. And it's well deserved.

Brock Purdy winning seven Super Bowls would erase Tom Brady's legacy

I'm rooting for Brock [Purdy] in the Niners because Brock has a chance to totally erase Tom Brady's narrative and legacy if he wins a Super Bowl... If he wins seven, he would have a better [story]. He was drafted Mr. Irrelevant. He would totally erase Tom Brady's underdog story because it's an even bigger underdog story.

Pete Carroll did a bad job coaching the Seahawks this year

I think that Pete Carroll, you can now look back and make the argument Pete Carroll did a bad job coaching this year because they got more talented at the quarterback position this year [with Geno Smith]. And they failed to achieve the ultimate goals of winning playoff games.

The NBA gave LeBron James a 'stimulus package' in the 2016 Finals by suspending Draymond Green

Game four, LeBron and them is about to lose the game. LeBron gets frustrated, he takes Draymond Green, throws him to the floor... Somehow some way revisionist history comes in and the NBA decides to give LeBron James and Cleveland a stimulus package. They suspend Draymond for game five... That is the one final that I will never accept being wrong about because the NBA suspended Draymond Green.

I looked at the evidence and it might have been a DeMar Hamlin body double at the Bills game

I don't think he's dead. But [it] was very snowy. That shot conveniently... why was he wearing goggles? He had a sheisty... I'm just saying like it was just, there was just like, I looked at the evidence. I'm just raising it so we could have the conversation.

Jerry Jones doesn't actually want another Super Bowl because the 'hunt' keeps him alive

I think that Jerry [Jones] doesn't want another Super Bowl because it keeps him alive. The hunt... you gotta have something to live for. If Jerry gets another title, then it's like, well, I'm out.

The Q-collar technology causes players to make bad on-field decisions

Dalton Schultz today was wearing a... Q-collar. It's supposed to help protect the brain from injury... I have a theory. This technology... it's supposed to constrict certain blood vessels going to your brain... I think these guys are just lightheaded. And it's just, he had a bird brain.

Brandon Staley should be fired and tried for war crimes for his coaching performance

I think that Brandon Staley should be tried for war crimes as a war criminal. I think that it's a disgusting act. What I saw in the entire second half of that game... You can't have a worse coaching back-to-back weeks than what Brandon Staley just did.